No routine for a 5-month-old - anyone else or am I just a slack mum?

[diyqueen]

I have a lovely 5 month old dd who has always been breastfed on demand and so this has shaped our days really - there's still no real pattern to her feeds and some days she'll feed more frequently than others. She is a very active baby who doesn't seem to need much sleep - she tends to sleep about 8-9 hours at night (broken by a couple of feeds) and a couple of 20 to 40 minute naps in the day. She is never remotely sleepy in the evening and still goes to bed between 10 and 11 at night, but she is happy and alert and doesn't seem tired. We go into a dimly lit room with soft music before bed, get changed into pyjamas and have a story if she's in the mood, so there is a sort of bedtime signal. I've just been wondering recently if we're being too slack - my friends' babies of similar age all seem to have 7pm bedtimes and scheduled naps, and health visitors have raised eyebrows at dd's bedtime. This is all fine with us, dp and I are pretty laid back, but it would her nice to think we'll get her in bed a bit earlier in time. Thoughts anyone?

[ramblingmum]

Up to you really. If it suits you then fine. I found that with dd2 that her feeding only settled into a routine when she started weening. Maby try putting her to bed earlier, but it may be easier to have her up that spend all everning settling a baby who is not ready to sleep.

[Ragwort]

Entirely up to you - my DS was in bed by 7pm from Day 7 (we were in hospital for 6 days ) - that is what suited us as a family. I don't think I actually looked for 'signs of being tired' - I just put him to bed at 7pm and luckily he went to sleep !

It is absolutely no one else's business, can't think why a HV is even asking what time your baby goes to bed - if anyone asks just say sweetly 'yes, she is in a very happy routine'. It is your routine - whatever works for you .

[Daisy1986]

I used to put LO to bed at 7 but as weve always co-slept and berast fed on demand this generally meanyt I had to go to bed at this time as she wouldnt sleep without me next to her. (Had to move TV into my room lol).

The path of least resistance will lead to a happy family however apparently your LO should have 14 hrs a day. I know my LO doesnt get grumpy when over tired but gets more energy and overexcited this maybe the case with your LO.

[BeeMyBaby]

I don't think its a problem, although as others have said I think overall your DD should be getting 12-14 hours sleep a day. I used to put my DD to bed at about 10 as was BFing and she slept with DH and I, but we stopped when she was 10 months and she has since gone to bed at about 9pm (now 18 months). If we were to put DD to bed at 7pm like others, she would way at about 5am which is obviously not sensible. Also its nice for whoever goes to work to come back and actually have time with their DC, rather than only seeing them for an hour a day.

[mamasunshine]

Whatever works best and keeps you all happy is good! I had no routine for any of mine, ds1 3, ds2 2 and dd 7mo. As I was bf on demand, I just put them to bed once they fell asleep, and fed them when they woke etc. Naturally a routine came about 8/9months in as they were then starting to eat 3 meals at regular times and wake up at a regular time....this paved the way for them getting tired earlier in the evenings and having regular nap times in the day. FWIW ds1 and ds2 both were sleeping 11/12 hours a night straight through at 10/11months old ...hopefully dd will follow suit!

[mamasunshine]

Also I don't like too rigid a routine, I hate being dictated too by a clock and my dc's are easy going, we can eat lunch at 12pm or 2pm and change the routine as we please to fit around our day, as with naps and everyone stays happy (mostly!!)

[Zampetta]

Mine (25 weeks) has never slept as much as the recommended amount.

I found this to be reassuring:

www.parentingscience.com/baby-sleep-requirements.html

[attheendoftheday]

I'm so glad to have read this post, it's almost exactly the same pattern my dd (16 weeks) has. It's nice not to be the only one with a baby who's awake all evening.

[whackamole]

My boys 'slept through' if you like from about 10 weeks, but not from 7pm! They went to bed when we did, about 11pm, and we gradually brought bedtime forward. Much easier than trying to put them down and being in and out and up and down the stairs all the time trying to force them to sleep.

Guess I was a bit slack too! They are now 2.7 and go to bed at 7ish and sleep through till 7ish so didn't do them any harm.

[Octaviapink]

I never had a routine for feeding (on demand makes the most sense for bf), but I found that both DCs settled pretty easily into a sleeping rhythm of 6.30ish bed, several feeds overnight, awake at about 6 then 2 hours up, 45 minutes down throughout the day. Their naps got longer as they got older - now DS 9m sleeps for about 1.5 hours in the morning, the same after lunch and 45 minutes in the late afternoon.

[usingapseudonym]

Sounds like you are doing a perfect job!! Don't worry what others think. It is far far healthier for baby to be fed on demand (and I think for mother too in many cases - I'd have gone nuts trying to make my baby fit a rigid routine). Sometimes they will be extra thirsty, sometimes not, sometimes they will suck a lot more to increase supply the next day etc - breastmilk is magic like that and really on demand feeding is the way to go.

I'd say an incredibly well done to you! I never knew when my lo would nap to begin with as she just would sleep in her sling or the car or on my lap whenever really. Eventually you will notice they form their own routines but there is no hurry. Bedtimes are completely up to you - no point putting down a child that isn't tired.

[banana87]

I could have written this post word for word when DD was 5 months old .

Every baby is different. Some settle earlier than others. When DD was 5 months we had a sorta schedule but not really. She fed when she wanted to. Didn't go to bed until about 11, and we co-slept as she wouldn't be put down. At around 6 months we started putting her in her cot at 8 (she was already asleep) and she still had a dream feed and I slept in her room. She slept through and was on a bedtime routine at 7 months, but we let her lead us rather than us forcing her into it.

[boognish]

There would be absolutely no point in my putting my ebf 6mo DS to bed at any time that he didn't fall asleep naturally (i.e. on the boob) as he would just cry, and we're not into putting him - or ourselves - through that (especially as he always wakes up at midnight for a long feed, being quite tall and chunky). Some babies are more alert and need their sleep less than others. Some wake a lot at night and nap during the day. I'm not sure you can really train an ebf baby, as they tend to find their own rhythms, or that anyone else's baby should be taken as a model for yours. For about a month mine decided 9:30 was bedtime, but now it's 10:30. Just ignore everyone else unless there's a reason you have to get her into a routine.

Is the HV worried she's staying up to watch too much telly and neglecting her schoolwork?

[mommsyfee]

Go with the flow.... Your baby tells you when he or she is hungry or tired not the other way around. My baby is 4 months and his feed times change everyday!! He seems to be happy so im happy to... People say to me "is he in a routine yet" I quite happily say no... I think they are to young, let them tell you what they want and don't let people put you down. Its your baby, you do what feels best, forget the books to xx

[NeedlesCuties]

Same here with my almost-7 month old DD.

Would love a bit of a routine, but she just isn't keen for it. Trying to go with the flow...

[tomatoplantproject]

It's bothering me that we don't have a routine - but then dd is 4.5 months, ebf and normally sleeps through from about 8.30 to 7 with not much sleeping during the day. I keep telling myself that she is happy so we're happy and since she sleeps through I'm reluctant to do anything which will disrupt her good habits. I am worried that we're just creating a rod for our own backs by feeding or cuddling her to sleep but heh ho let's deal with that one when it becomes a problem.

[LarkinSky]

I had no routine for my pfb dd1, and just enjoyed feeding on demand - and weaning - and cuddling her late into the evening, then co-sleeping. Until I hit a wall of tiredness when she was 8 months, and did CC, then she went to bed at 8pm and slept through - still vague daytime routine until she was 12 months though.

Anyway, I've been amazed to watch dd2 fall into a routine from very early on, about 8 weeks. There is a four-year age gap, and dd2's day is very much shaped around her big sister's needs - back and forth to nursery four times a day etc. So she naturally naps when we go out in the pram twice a day, which has become a morning nap of 2 hours and an afternoon nap of 2 hours, approx. And she goes to bed when her big sister does at 7.30pm, as I need to breastfeed her as I read dd1's bedtime story, and she just falls asleep then. She sleeps about 12 hours, waking once or twice for a quick breastfeed in the dark, during that period.

So, in my own experience, I have a routine with DD2 because she has fit around her sister's routine, because she has had to. It's completely different, but has made life much easier, and DH and I have found it a revelation to have our evenings from so early on.

[redandwhitesprinkles]

Are you happy? Are they happy? They are alive, the world is good!

Routines are great of they suit, don't worry if not. Enjoy your baby.

I have a bit of a routine but often break it if I get a better offer of fun!

[LarkinSky]

Nice post redandwhite - I agree, above all I would never let my routine stop me doing something fun with my girls if the chance is there!