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Controlled crying DOES work! For me anyway!

120 replies

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 02/12/2005 14:46

Been having a problem with ds waking up at 4 and 5am and screaming and yelling until we bring him into our bed whereupon he settles immediately. However we are not entirely happy with this arrangement and have been trying to get him to stay in his own bed. Yet I've been too soft to leave him to cry.

He came back from creché after lunch and they said he hadn't had his afternoon nap, so I brought him home, played with him for a bit, read his books and then took him to bed. He has screamed and thrown a tantrum up there for half an hour. I went up just 10 mins ago to lie him back down and reassure him, but I did not get him up. Now he has finally gone quiet and probably to sleep! This is encouraging because when he wakes up at 4am tomorrow morning I know that he will go back to sleep again if I leave him, which is exactly what I intend to do!

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SnowQueenVictoria · 02/12/2005 14:48

they know how to push our buttons

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CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 02/12/2005 14:49

I know! I had the strength today because it's not the middle of the night and I had MN to distract me from his tantrumming!

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FlameRobin · 02/12/2005 14:51

Yay!!!

Beware, the 4am stint is harder... it is that time of night when you are so soundly asleep that you would happily kill to pass out again ... BUT it does work. I tend to close my eyes and pretend I can't hear her.

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pablopatito · 02/12/2005 15:23

And 10 minutes of controlled crying at 4am seems like about 10 hours. I normally turn to DP and say "well, he's been crying for 10 minutes now, do you think I should go in?", to which I get the reply "he's only been crying for 45 seconds!"

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FlameRobin · 02/12/2005 18:47

You do better than me PP, I get "grumphlerupher"

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annobal · 02/12/2005 20:42

A godsend to enforce controlled crying - blocked ears - couldn't hear a thing. Am now considering ear plugs

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CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 02/12/2005 22:41

Ok, tonight is the night - wish me luck on this one!

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Hulababy · 02/12/2005 22:43

We gavve ina nd did CC when DD was 20 months - I even kept a CC diary on MN at the time, esp as I was so sceptical. But within 3 or 4 days it had worked for us, and tbh we didn't have that much crying at all. Went in more often than the 5, 10, 15 minute routine but it worked. And once the going to bed bit was sorted, the middle of the night was never an issue.

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CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 02/12/2005 22:47

THANK YOU ALL OF YOU! I just needed to know that I was not alone with this! When it's your kid crying in the middle of the night you feel such a shit for not going in to him! After all a mother's instinct is to rush into her child, which is something dh will never understand, so to lie there listening to it is just awful! Thank you for telling me your experiences, it helps to know that this has worked for other people! I know it works in my head, but my heart kinda over-rules everything at 4am!

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Hulababy · 02/12/2005 22:52

This is my MN diary of CC .

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CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 02/12/2005 23:07

Hulababy, thank you so much for that! I was away from MN at that time so never got to read that diary. My ds is 23 months and like you said, it is so much harder when they are crying out obvious words, he cries "Papa!" "Mama!" and I can feel my heart lurch towards him!

Tonight we have a plan. If (when) he starts crying, dh will go in to settle him and turn on the heater, then I won't be worried about him being cold. We will then leave him for 20 mins before going in, just to lie him down, then after that we check him every 10 mins, lie him down, etc. Hopefully if this afternoon is anything to go by, he will fall asleep within 45 mins, which isn't too bad but at 4am can seem forever! It's the weekend so it's easier to do as we don't have to get up for anything. I'll let you know how we do!

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Hulababy · 02/12/2005 23:10

Fingers crossed for you.

It is hard; really hard at times And it goes against natural instincts. But at 20 months i jnew I had to do it, and to be persistent. DH was on side and helped out, but int he night it was me who did it - partly as I was on holiday and Dh at work; but also it was me she ultimately wanted. But it worked and we never looked back. We got sleep, and we were all so much happier for it.

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CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 02/12/2005 23:13

I guess our problem is that we have done this before, it works as you say, but then a month later he will try it again and the whole cycle just keeps on going. He finds a way to push our buttons! I really do think they do this deliberately!

Keeping it as a record is such a good idea! When he is a stroppy moody teenager I can give him those to read and tell him how lucky he was that I didn't just sell him on the internet!

BTW, how much is the going rate these days?

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Hulababy · 02/12/2005 23:16

LOL!!!

I must remember to print it out and put it in her memory box for when she is older. I am sure I have something similar from her potty training early days too!

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CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 02/12/2005 23:18

When he is crying tonight, I swear I will think of you! Thank you so much for making me feel better!

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Hulababy · 02/12/2005 23:22

Good luck; hope it gets better quick!

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UCM · 02/12/2005 23:25

Do you have a baby gate on the door or is DS in a cot still?

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CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 02/12/2005 23:26

He is in a cot still. Shares a room with dd, which makes it difficult as he wakes her up!

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UCM · 02/12/2005 23:27

I am only asking because my DH & I have had huge arguments about this.

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UCM · 02/12/2005 23:29

Well I used to let him cry, DH doesn't agree and just recently we have taken the gate down. About 2 months ago. I have bought a nite lite and I am happy to leave him in his room with door closed until he goes to sleep. Obviously if it wasn't within 10 mins I go back in. As soon as he is asleep I open the door. DH thinks I am cruel. Am I?

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UCM · 02/12/2005 23:30

Sorry that doesn't exactly apply to you as it's a different thing, but I DO wholeheartedly agree with controlled crying and if he is in a cot then 20 mins is good.

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CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 02/12/2005 23:32

No, you are not cruel!

Me and dh also have arguments about this. I am happy for him to sleep in our bed, but I know that eventually I will come to regret this so this is why I am using CCT. Dh would leave him all night crying! Heartless sod!

The only reason he is in a cot is because we are in a rented house and are VERY skint, so cannot afford to buy him a bed, the cot was given to us. Also the stairs are incredibly steep and wooden, even if we had a gate there, I wouldn't trust him not to climb over it.

My thought is that in 2 weeks he is 2 years old, old enough to be able to sleep in his own bed and when he wakes up in the night, he should be able to get himself back to sleep again without relying on us.

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UCM · 02/12/2005 23:34

Ooooo I forgot, what was that bit about the heater. You shouldn't have a heater in a baby's room. It is better for them to snuggle under the blankets also, if you are cold you're more likely to go to sleep.

I have completely turned off the radiator (in fact I have never had it on)in Ds room and I live right next to the sea, I mean it I can look out of windows and watch the Thames Esturary roving & waving.

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CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 02/12/2005 23:37

I get your point, but their room is actually freezing. I have to clear the icicles off their windows before I can open them. This isn't just cold. They have 3 exterior walls and single glazing. It IS cold.

He gets out of his blankets (he has a gro-bag on) and stands up in his cot. IMO it is far too cold for him to do this and so I have brought him into our bed because I am worried. His little hands are like blocks of ice!

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UCM · 02/12/2005 23:37

I was happy for him to come into us as well, but recently I have had to admit to DH that I am not really sleeping well because of this. He thinks I should get up every 2 mins and put DS back into bed. This is not going to happen as you probably know 2am, 4am etc is not when you are very lively, so what happens is, we let DS have most of the bed and get a crap nights sleep. Do you know what I might put the stair gate back on his room.

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