Childcare experts

[Jbr]

I hate Melissa Hill with a passion! Her website is horrendous. She keeps saying that women can't be good workers and parents and we should do one of the other. And she says that children don't feel loved if a parent (usually the woman, in her words) isn't with them.

[Debsb]

JBr, never heard of Melissa Hill but I'm with you on this one. I had a mother who stopped at home all the time & I felt completely unloved coz all she did was yell & moan at us. How does she explain school then? Are school kids completely unloved because they are not with their parents all day?

[Sml]

Wow - that's a red rag to a bull to those of us who are trying to be good parents by working to keep our families above the poverty line! Actually, I must confess that before I worked with children, I was worried about stuff like this, but now that I am going out to work, I am confident that they won't feel unloved and that I am doing the best for them.
Who is Melissa Hill, anyway, and where is her website?

[Jbr]

She wrote "The Smart Women's Guide to Staying at Home and Keeping Your Independence"! She quit a 3 thousand pound a year job because she thinks women with children shouldn't work!

Her main site is melissahill.co.uk (I think) but I found some other stuff just through search engines and things.

It is full of quotes from women who and I quote "didn't have children just to hand them over to someone else" blah, blah, blah.

And notice it was the smart WOMAN's guide, because obviously women want to naturally spend more time with the kids than men do!! She talks a lot of rubbish!

[Jbr]

Melissa also goes on about the impact that having both parents working can have on society as a whole! I wouldn't mind but she is doing lots of work herself - her writing for starters! - and some voluntary work.
This is what one review said:

"It's sad to see so many marriages and families pressurised by the demands of work and by people who are seeking their self worth in their careers. As Melissa so rightly identifies all this is having an impact on our communities and our society.".

She is right about work being too demanding sometimes, but it is the nature of work which needs to change, not women! Someone else said "children appreciate you being there when they get home", so even when the kids are old enough to go to school, you still shouldn't have a job apparantly or your kids will think you don't care!

And then Melissa has a disclaimer saying she fully supports the right of women to be financially independent! But then she kind of has a "on your own head be it" message attached to it!

[Sml]

Most people work because houses are so ridiculously expensive now. In fact, try buying/renting a house on just one salary!!
Do you really mean MH quit a 3K a year job? she can't have been away from home long enough for her children to notice!

[Tom]

I wonder if people have to work because house prices are so high, or whether house prices are so high because most couples can command two salaries...?

(I think both are probably true, and reinforce each other)

[Jbr]

Sorry she had a three HUNDRED thousand a year job! I forgot to put the 100 in! I wouldn't mind but I previewed the message and still didn't notice!

She also puts a bit in about not rowing with your man (notice how she assumes the partner is a man!) because he has to work longer hours to keep you as well as your children!

[Tom]

WHEEEEERE Did she say that JBR????????

Incredible! So us dads have to work longer and spend even less time with our children so that she can stay at home with the kids!!!???? Unbelieveable - no wonder she cautions to be nice to your man - he must be sick with what he's missing out on - if it's so great for women to give up work and be with their kids in her opinion, then how on earth can she justify getting us blokes to work even longer hours so that she can do it!??? Argh!!!!!

I'll let you into a little secret - she emailed my website last night and asked if I'd be interested in her book/press release!

I would like to hear about any other things she has said, especially regarding men and their role being as far away from their children as possible - ammo for my reply anyone?

[Sml]

spot on Tom

[Bells]

I find women like Melissa Hill very irritating!. She is hardly telling the full story. As an equity analyst in her late 30's, she would have been one of the very oldest in her team. A huge number of analysts retire at this sort of age or at the very least, go on to do something less demanding. Chances are her husband is also in the city so the assumption is that their joint household income for a good few years has been something approaching £500,000 - £700,000. One would assume that they would have no mortgage and would have savings and pensions sufficient to see them through until retirement.

I just don't see how somewhere in her very priveleged position can dole out advice to the average women on whether they should or should not work. Same goes for Nicola Horlick - sorry but I don't see her as a superwoman at all. To me, it is the parent struggling with no money, no support and little help who is the true superwoman.....

I work in the city, have a cleaner and a Nanny (who even irons our son's pyjamas!!). I know for a fact that I am not remotely as "ground down" by motherhood as people who may have considerably less stressful jobs and much shorter hours but don't have as good a support network.

[Winnie]

I would rant about MH but I won't as it has all been said. I'd love to know how you are going to reply to her Tom. Has anybody listened to the Antony Clare programme on Fathers on Radio 4? I heard the last one today and it was very interesting. I wish I'd heard the others.

[Tom]

I'd still like to know anything else about Melissa before I reply to her.

What programme was the Anthony Clare piece on Radio 4? CAn you remember the title? I think it might have been a repeat... he's a bit "men are in crisis" for me - I really don't think it's that bad - we've just got a few challenges!

[Babynick]

Hi all... just been reading through the messages here and thought I would comment :-)

I don't think there are really any childcare experts. I've been caring for children for over 13 years and one important thing I've learnt is that EVERY child is an individual - no two, even twins, are exactly the same. Some children are easy going, some are monsters. While it is possible to write a book about child development, it has to be generalised as children do not conform to any set manual on childcare.

If you feel the need to consult one of these so called 'manuals' written by a childcare expert, then it's far better to go to a parent & toddler group, NCT coffee morning etc. and talk to other parents - as nothing beats practical experience!

Well that's my opinion. Nick

[Tom]

...and all the research suggest that mums and dads get their skills, confidence and competence as a direct result of practical experience of childcare - the more you do it, the better you become - and mums and dads develop at the same rate.

[Justiner]

Hi all,
Seems like Melissa Hill has some controversial views that people might like to explore further. How do you feel about inviting her on for a live chat? Let us know.
Justine and Carrie.

[Tigermoth]

Just scanned Melissa Hill's website. Well aren't I stupid? There was I thinking that writing a book is 'work' whether you do the writing at home or elsewhere. I mean the sheer act of putting words on paper takes you away from immediate family and home concerns, doesn't it?

Obviously Melissa has a clone who sits there running the house, 'being there' for the children and being the all-seeing all-wise leader she describes, while the other Melissa is busy pounding away at those keys, speaking on the radio and promoting her book to Tom and others.

If she has a guest spot here, I think we can all expect a lively discussion!

Do especially hope Jbr, that you contribute to it.So a 'yes', Justina and Carrie, to your suggestion.

[Croppy]

Tigermoth, what's her website? I tried doing a search on her on the Web and only got a load of references to Melissa Hill - porn star!!

[Jj]

Croppy, I did too! Melissa Hill-- porn star/childcare expert. Now there would be an interesting read...

The non-porn Melissa Hill's website

Warning: it has music.

[Croppy]

Not only rich Star but one who benefited from a challenging career which at her age was drawing to its end anyway!!.

[Tigger]

right then ladies, all down tools and head for the kitchen (as long as we are all in a loving and supportive marriage!!), what planet is this woman on? As for the music, well my reaction can not be repeated on this site without me being removed pronto. Ahhhhh, the thought of loving and supporting my husband would cause him to flee for his life, no I don't mean it really, lets get her on here for a good lively question time.

[Winnie]

I have just been to her website (thanks Jj) and all I can say is AAAAAAAAaaaaaarrrrrggggggghhhhh!

[Tigermoth]

Does anyone know when she stopped being a city career woman and when she published her book? Was there much of a gap? How can she tell us about the virtues of being a full-time in-the-house-mother, with no career or book distractions, if she never did this herself?