Pulling hair

[Debbs]

I wonder if any of you out there can give me any advice.
My three year old son, when he gets tierd he will always suck his fingers and twist my hair (which he has done for years). It is got to the point where it is driving me mad. I know he can't help it, but when he twists and pulls my hair and does it constantly it really hurts. Has anyone else suffered this? My mother-in-law also agree's it hurts. I have been trying to stop him doing it and it is just not working. What can I do? Any ideas?

[janh]

Debbs, does he realise how much it hurts? If you yelled "OW!!!!" really loudly every time he did it he might get the message? Or could you cry a bit?

[SofiaAmes]

My 18 month old son thinks it's really funny to whack me really hard in the face. And if I react adversely like saying ouch or making a pained face, he thinks it's even funnier and whacks a harder. A few months ago I took his hands and caressed them on my face and said "nicely, nicely" and cooed and smiled. Now whenever he starts whacking me I just have to say "nicely, nicely" and he caresses my face instead and I smile in return. I don't know if this works with every child (my son is easily distracted), but maybe trying to substitute your son's habit with a new less painful might be worth a try. (I think in dog training they call this "positive reinforcement?"

[SofiaAmes]

Wow I was just thinking how do people put those smiley faces in their posts and one showed up in mine and i don't know how it got there!

[bea]

agree with sofia.. my dd 10 months, always really claws at our faces and pulls hair manically... so we started to grab her hand and 'encouraged' her to stroke out faces and hair.. to which we would coo 'gently gently' and the coo, smile, clap,ahhh!!! etc (generally sounds whcih make us sound completely insane to the neighbours!) it generally works and when she gets that manic hair pulling face on her we quickly start cooing 'genty gently' and she usually gives us a little stroke instead of a good old claw and pull!

hope you've still got hair left!

[janh]

But a 3-yr-old is a completely different creature from 10 months and 18 months, and Debbs says he has been doing it for years - presumably it didn't hurt her before as badly as it does now, but as he has not been dissuaded before the pulling has become "reinforced" itself.

[berries]

Debbs - cut your hair! Seriously, my eldest dd was a 'hair twiddler' when she was tired, loved to sit on your lap and drop off to sleep twiddling your hair. Can't offer any suggestions as I had my hair cut short so she couldn't reach it (that wasn't why I had it done BTW). She then started twiddling her own hair. Try tying your hair back when he looks tired, so he can't reach it.
HTH

[tigermoth]

If he's three, perhaps it's time to be more firm. Have you considered going past the distraction approach? Tell him that be's big and strong so pulling mummmy's hair really hurts her. If he is persisting, react by putting him in the naughty corner, in his room for a minute, straight in his cot etc - whatever you do when he is misbehaving.

Difficult, I know, if he is tired and he's on your lap, so if this seems too harsh, then I agree with berries - tie your hair back.