new baby

[jinna]

hi there
I have one son who has just turned 4 and am due to have my second baby in 5 weeks time. I am worried how my son will react to the new baby. I have told him about my pregnancy from the beginning and have involved him in everything - scans, buying baby things, etc. He seems excited and will even talk to the baby - but he has been the centre of attention for 4 years and I have been at home with him during this time so I think it will be a shock for him. I would appreciate any tips that will make life easier. thanks

[Hilary]

Buy him a little present 'from' the baby and give it to him in hospital.
Involve him in the care of the baby - 'we need to look after the baby together so shall we go and change his/her nappy?'
I know you'll be tired but try to organize something for him when the baby sleeps, e.g. making some biscuits, glueing and sticking - something that the baby isn't 'clever' enough to do yet!
My eldest son really responded to 'Look the baby is smiling, he must have learnt that from you because you smile at him so nicely' He loved the idea of being the clever big brother who could show the baby how to do things.
Also, try to involve the baby in things e.g. holding him on your son's toy car and letting him push the baby around.
I have to add that most of these were learned in hindsight...
Also, things may be different for you as my eldest son had only just turned two when his brother was born. He did struggle with having a baby around taking up time and attention which should have been his but he didn't really understand.
That said, they are the absolute best of buddies now - if you find it hard, please remember that it does get better!
I hope it goes well for you.

[Azzie]

A friend of mine had a baby just before Xmas and her 4 year old sone was far less bothered by it all than her 2yo daughter, and has continued to be so, so take heart!

The present idea is a very good one. Also make sure he gets plenty of opportunities to have his friends round to play or to go and play at friends houses - in my experience, at 4 friends are far more exciting than a baby!

I think you've done the right thing to involve him and explain everything - certainly I find now that my 4yo understands an awful lot, especially if you can encourage a sort of benevolent superiority towards the baby. My kids are 4 and 2, and while not perfect, ds amazes me sometimes with how thoughtful and kind he can be towards his little sister (who tries us all dreadfully from time to time!).

You don't mention your partner - does he have a good relationship with his son? I find now that, although I am still central to my son's life, at 4 he is starting to find going and doing boy things with Daddy quite interesting and exciting, which is lovely. You may find that Dad has a key role here.

[Bumblelion]

Jinna, my DD was 4 years 3 months when my DS was born and I was also worried about how she would feel about "having her nose put out of joint" when the new baby arrived. Needless to say she was absolutely fine about it. Like Hilary, I made sure that when DS was asleep, we did things together that she liked doing - glueing, sticking (collages), etc. When my DD was born 5 months ago, my DD was 9 and my DS nearly 5. My DD was very excited and is a great help and I find that even my DS (who has now turned 5) is also a great help. We involved him from the start and it was his special job to choose which babygro she was going to be wearing that day, and when it was time to change the baby he would get the nappy, cream, bag, etc. for me. My DS was so understanding - if he wanted me to do a puzzle with him, he would always say "make a cup of coffee, feed Sasha and then play a puzzle with me". He knew that feeding Sasha (when she needed it) was obviously a priority and he would say this even if she had been fed only 1 hour before. I would make sure that when Sasha was asleep, I spent time with my DD playing with her sylvanian families (unfortunately, I am not very good at it as I don't have a great imagination) or playing puzzles with my son.

Believe me, once the new baby arrives, I think you will be quite surprised at how well your son adapts.