Tantrums

[Sarby]

I definitely find that if I am feeling tired, pre-menstrual or just a bit down in the dumps my 3 year old daughter can sense it and acts much more disruptively - it just becomes a vicious circle between the 2 of us!
I firmly believe that the only way to deal with tantrums is to use diversion and negotiation so they end up doing mundane activities without really realising it - ie brushing teeth, putting shoes on etc! This is tiring, draining and at the moments when it doesn't work, frustrating so losing your rag seems the only thing left to do! If anyone can offer any alternatives to 'counting to 10' when you feel like you are going to lose it with your kids then let me know because I've never heard anything so unrealistic in my life!!!

[Babynick]

Hi all

my 3 year old daughter can sense it and acts much more disruptively

Oh yes... children sense that you are not at your best, and then push the limits as far as they can!

I firmly believe that the only way to deal with tantrums is to use diversion and negotiation

I also find that ignoring it also helps... I remember an event a good few years back with Alex when he was 3. We were out shopping and he threw a paddy outside WHSmith. I just sat down on the floor, yes, in the shopping mall, and waited for him to finish. A crowd of onlookers formed, but Alex wasn't wanting their attention, he wanted mine - and that was not going to happen until he stopped kicking and screaming. He soon stopped once I ignored him. So, ignoring can work at times.

ie brushing teeth, putting shoes on etc!

If they trantrum over these sorts of things, I find it helpful to get them in to a routine. Try to brush teeth at the same times each day. Once it's a regular event, it becomes second nature.

This is tiring, draining and at the moments when it doesn't work, frustrating so losing your rag seems the only thing left to do!

Oh yes... I find that sometimes the only thing to do is to put the child somewhere fairly safe - in their bedroom for example, and for me to leave them alone for a while - often making a nice cup of tea and sitting in the kitchen. Though of course there are times when it's not possible to do this - for instance when they refuse to put shoes on, coat on etc, before going out. Then I just do it for them or don't bother depending on the situation.

If anyone can offer any alternatives to 'counting to 10' when you feel like you are going to lose it with your kids then let me know because I've never heard anything so unrealistic in my life!!!

See above... and also, when it's a something they must do... then I've been known to use the 1...2..3 method. Basically you need to decide on what will happen if you get to three. It needs to be something effective for your child, and instant - for example, this is one situation where I will smack a child. The child knows this will happen if 3 is reached, and therefore will... most of the time... cooperate before the dredded 3. It is important that you make sure your child understands what will happen if you get to 3, as it then becomes their choice.

Good luck.

[Lors]

Is it possible for fifteen month olds to have tantrums? My daughter has suddenly started having terrible tantrums after nursery even though she used to be the most placid child. She arches her back and screams. It seems to be aimed at me and not my husband. I wonder if she's angry that I leave her to work three days a week?

[Rosy]

Lors, I would say this is completely typical. After my dd's 1st birthday, she seemed to undergo a complete personality transformation, from lovely happy child to a grumpy, crying child. I think it was because she'd figured what she wanted but couldn't express herself properly. As the months went by she got better and better, and now (aged 22 months) is back to her old self more or less. She's also much easier to distract just by talking to her or getting her to sing rhymes and things. So it's probably just a phase (if that doesn't sound too patronising!) Also, I'm sure it's not directed at you, it's more likely that you're caring for her when she's at her most tired.

[Jue]

hi there
My 2 and half year has started to throw the most wonderful tantrums ever! Last week when i took her 10 year old sister to play at her friends house my younger 2 and half year old completely lost the plot in the back of the car after her sister had left and actually make herself vomit. This happened whilst i was driving home and couldnt stop the car. Any suggestions? obviously i cant and wont restrict the 10 year socialising so i need to know the tantrums will stop and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks