"Re thoughts of suicide...those are automatic thoughts, which are a SYMPTOM of the stress you have been under.
You are right that it is as if they are nothing to do with you, because in a sense they aren't. They are just thoughts, which are there to tell you something is wrong and you are in need.
When I get those thoughts now, I take it as a sign that I need to address my state of mind somehow. Usually this means talking to the little scared me inside and giving it comfort, but there are other tactics too....like saying the thoughts out loud in silly voices to take their power away, etc. I no longer think to myself, 'Dear God, am I suicidal over this rubbish? I must be a right nutter.'
You are under enormous stress in a difficult and somewhat emotionally unsupportive environment, so being able to give yourself (or at least find) comfort and reassurance is very important."
"Totally 'get' your feeling of fear over finances. Then thinking you can see a way through but then imagining the convo you are going to have with dh and realising he will have a completely different view, and you KNOW there is no way he will listen so you might as well not even start the convo - and then you begin to question EVERTHING in your life - like I might as well be mute and never say another word to dh, and what use am I to ANYONE for that matter, and then I might as well be dead Such a horrible spiral downwards.
So, when those thoughts even begin - like the fear over finances - first breathe. Deeply and calmly.
Nurture yourself - for me I have to remind myself to eat good healthy food, (and regular meal times)
Get outside for fresh air.
Indulge in just sitting listening to calm music.
Maybe reading something light and absorbing but not challenging.
Look after yourself as you would an ill relative. Don't let your inner voice tell you you are wasting time - it is essential you look after yourself.
I like the mantra someone on this site came up with - Cherish and Protect yourself.