I say, if they come they come. People always look utterly aghast at that.

I am not having another one though. I just don't bother explaining it

LOL furball - closer to the truth here!!!

I say 'we worked out what causes it and put a stop to it'

I say "oh yes, Dh is having the next one".

this question gets on my nerves. I don't like being asked this beacause I'd love to be pregnant again but can't seem to fall pregnant for whatever reason. It's almost like a dig. People should ask questions about the weather and hols, it's less intrusive!!

This question always stirs up panful emotions for me but I know a lot of people are just making converstion really.

I answer as truthfully as possible without going into too much detail. Something like ' "We can't have any more" and leave it at that. The details of my fertility issues are not something I want to discuss.

This answer does tend to get a slightly surprised/shocked facial expresion though it is often coverd up quickly. I think the majority of people who have more than one child don't understand the secondary infertility thing or just don't realise it exists.

For those who chose one this is obviously not the answer you would give!

i know I have sometimes in the past made jokey "are you mad?" type comments when good friends have 3 or 4 children and are pregnant again but in reality I think it is a lovely thing to do, to have lots of children. The comment is just a joke and in no way a judgement on having lots of children. In fact I am envious of larger families most of the time.

So I generally try to remember that a lot of people don't mean much by this sort of question.

I agree, Fillyjonk, that the reasons why people make the decisions they do about how many children they have can be very interesting. When I was a teenager, I was adamant that I would never have children. I then thought that, in the strictly hypothetical situation that I had children, I would have four. I then read about about overpopulation and global poverty and decided that I would have two. I ended up with one.

But I think the difficulty - and in hindsight I wonder how often I have blundered into this in the past - is that there are quite a number of people for whom that decision about how many children to have is pretty irrelevant because health/fate/circumstances dictate otherwise. For those people, asking them how many children they want may be intrusive and painful.

I have three and I get asked this all the time.

I do ask people, too. Its really just a way of making conversation, but actually, I am interested in people not wanting more. I know several families who intentionally have only one child, and often the reasons for sticking at one are very interesting. They are concerned about global overpopulation, or the want to travel, or whatever. I am really asking whether people want more kids, I am not angling for people to say, "yes, I'd like exactly the same number as you".

Very different of course to be pressurised into having another, or patronised-that is just rude.

Actually, I did once say "Yeah, this one's a pain; I'll send her back".

I would sometimes say "only if I meet the right man" (usually to MIL to shut her up).