One-child families in the Obbie

[angelene]

Did anyone read this in the Observer magazine yesterday?

Quite interesting, but I can't believe that 26% of children have no siblings, I know it's ridiculous to say but it just doesn't "feel" like that IYKWIM?

[DontCallMeBaby]

Hm, not a bad article on the whole. This made me stop for a moment: "It's what you imagine when you think of a family, rather than just two large people staring down at a small person." Because that is EXACTLY how I used to picture one-child families, I saw a couple on the Tube once, both bending to talk to their small son, and thought 'I don't want that'. I both have, and haven't, got that. Because, yes, I have one child, but that image of "two large people staring down at a small person" is SO not what it's like.

The statistic - how does that work? I'm guessing that includes all the tiny firstborn babies in the country, who are only children right now but might not be in as little as nine months' time! I agree it doesn't feel like 26% of children are 'real' onlies. DD is in Reception, and over half her year got in on the sibling rule, she has one friend who has siblings so much older that she wouldn't be included in that number, and then the number of pushchairs at hometime ... ! It's surprising there are as many definite onlies as there are in her class (3 out of 31, there's another class of 30 as well).

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

I've only skimmed the article but it seems quite balanced and thoughtful. I was very struck by the suggestion that part of the reason that only children are perceived as needy/unhappy/miserable may be that websites give anyone who is needy/unhappy/miserable a place to hang out and complain about being needy/unhappy/miserable - happy people are less vocal about it.

I think DCMB's theory of the 26% statistic is very persuasive. There are (as far as I know) only two only children in MadBadBaby's class of 30.

[angelene]

We are very much of the 'never again' persuasion, although I think DH is less anti than I. I do feel guilty about it a lot of the time because it is for selfish reasons that I don't want another.

I think the comment about having another child would be like tossing a hand grenade into an already shaky domestic equilibrium resonated with me enormously. I found it reassuring that 'onlies' (awful term but it makes sense) don't seem to have any more or different emotional trauma than other children.

[daisy99divine]

I agree with DCMB I am sure the 26% is including non complete families - I also agree about the "two big people staring at one little person" thing

But on the whole, the article does say what we all know to be true - people are people. The onlies who feel bad feel bad because of how things were presented to them/ how they perceived them, not because they are onlies per se.

Jane and her "pressure to perform" is talking about upbringing that could apply with 10 or 20 children.

The main thing is as the article says not to feel bad about what you do - whyever you do it - act in a guilt free way and it will be ok

I am feeling very happy and chirpy and spring like today so it seems all sensible and easy

[UniS]

25% ish sounds reasonable to me. Out of 20 or so families at my favourite Mums and tots there are 5 families with only one child all of whom are unlikly to have a 2nd ( reasons vary). then there are 10 with 2 children or more under school age and another 5 with one or more at school and a toddler.

[Podrick]

There are 5 only children out of 31 children in my dd's class - Y4.

It is quite common to have one child in my workplace...but 25% seems too high to me.

[Gunnerbean]

Mine DS also has 6 onlies (icluding him) in his yr 4 class of 28. All of these have no prospect of a sibling too as far as I'm aware.

So, whilst he is clearly in a minority being an only I would say it's a significant minority.

[Hulababy]

In DD's Y2 class of 14 there are

2: only children (14%)
7: with one sibling
3: with two siblings
2: with 3 siblings

There are a couple with bigger age gaps - 5/6 years for example - so was higher when DD started reception.