Bit of an uncomfortable moment for me today

[squeaver]

Met up with 4 friends and their dcs. All have 2 dcs each, their eldests are the same age as dd (4).

One of them tells us she's pregnant with her third. Lots of congratulations all round and I'm really delighted for her as I know she's had a number of miscarriages.

Anyway there then followed a very, very long discussion about deciding to have 3 rather than 2.

No one was making any judgement about me, of course, but I just felt a bit left out. Eventually I just had to go and play with the los, because there really was nothing I could say.

Don't really know why I'm posting really, it just felt a bit weird. And maybe I felt a bit lonely.

[ssd]

would you like more? is that why your sad?

[MaryMotherOfCheeses]

I know exactly what you mean squeaver.

[squeaver]

No, no I'm perfectly happy with my only - never wanted any more. It's all a bit silly, I know. I'm not exactly sad about it, it just made me realise I'm the only person I know with an only child.

[cmotdibbler]

I know what you mean Squeaver. I remember sitting at baby group when people were sitting talking about when they would start TTC another, how many they wanted etc. I sat there mutely as I knew we'd never have another, so there was nothing to say.

Fortunatly I do have a very good set of friends with an intended only.

[ssd]

it would be boring if we were all the same!

as long as your happy, don't worry about it

[BoccaDellaVerita]

squeaver - Haven't seen you since That Time Of Which We Dare Not Speak! Good to see you again.



I don't know what to say, other than that we've probably all had to sit through that sort of conversation from time to time. My child is older than yours (7) and so these conversations are now a rarity for me, but I do remember getting a sore neck from that combination of stiff upper lip and keeping my chin up.

I'm sure your friends weren't judging you, but I'm guessing that if they're good friends of long-standing they know that your child is going to remain an only, in which case having a very very long conversation seems a tad tactless. I don't expect people to avoid the topic of pregnancy around me, but neither would I expect the few people in RL with whom I've discussed my infertility situation to drone on and on about their pregnancies.

I know we don't really do ((hugs)) or ((supportive pats on the arm)) on MN, but would you like to drop in to the tea room for a glass of champagne or a gin and tonic?

[squeaver]

Actually I'm not the only person I know, some of the children in dd's new school are onlies.

And it's just life and the choices we make, isn't it?

Just feeling a bit sorry for myself.

[slap emoticon]

[BoccaDellaVerita]

[squeaver]

Nice to see you too Bocca. I keep meaning to drop by the tea room - it's very [ahem] uproarious in there, isn't it?

[Gunnerbean]

If I'd been there knowing me I'd have made some sort of comment along the lines of:

"cor you lot are good making sure the species is perpetuated, if everyone was like me it would probably die out sometime in the next 100 years!"

or

"you lot deserve a medal having all those kids, fair play to you, one is more than enough for me"

...But that's just me!

[BoccaDellaVerita]

Well, not excessively uproarious!



During the day it is very decorous. 'Tis true, though, that quantities of champagne are drunk some evenings. Occasionally there is dancing or cabaret, too.

But please do drop in. I feel we owe you a huge debt, as you were part of the campaign to get this topic started. So at the very least you deserve a cup of tea and a muffin and a nice sit down in front of the log fire, in the tea room's wing chair.

[MollyCherry]

I think it's just a bit weird when you think about it too much. I know quite a few people with onlies, but all the people we socialise (and DD socialises) with regularly have 2 kids.

TBH the only person I know who has just one DD (2.5 yrs older than mine) I now dread meeting up with as her DD is such a PITA (and of course my only DD is perfect....!)

[squeaver]

I'm already there! Keep up!

[BoccaDellaVerita]

[zazen]

I know what you mean squeaver.

A strange one for me also as all my RL friends have had two or more - except the gals who have split with their partners.

I think I'm the only one in my 'group' who has only one and who's still with my partner.
I'm the only one with an intended only - very well put cutmyownthroat - that's it exactly.

However most of the kids in DD's school are onlies (at the moment) so DD doesn't feel too strange about it.

She has been telling me I'll have a newborn baby in my tummy when she's 6. Bless.

[Bullerbychildren]

I found that once our kids started pre-school at around age 2.10 I gradually stated getting left out because the others all had other younger ones. I kept my DD at her private nursery rather than uproot her to the nursery pre-school where my fellow SAHM friends were sending their kids. Therefore I didn't see them at drop off and collection and, of course, no longer went to M&T groups. So the coffee morning invites dried up as they all had younger ones in common. Or maybe they were just glad of an excuse to be rid of me