not sure what to do

[fifi78]

We have a nearly 4 year old and until recently I never wanted another. When I was pregnant I lost my job, my partner got extremely sick to the point he was bed ridden for months, and I as we don't drive it was all very very difficult we also have no family support as my mother died when my little one was 10mths old so it was all hard going and we live in a different part of the country from my OH's family. My partner lost his job due to his illness and we lost our home, we are now in private rented accommodation and on welfare none of this I ever imagined for myself, my partner has bouts when he is up and about and able to do things but every few months he as an attack and can be bed ridden for weeks at a time. I was always career driven but once my little once came along my whole outlook in life has changed and I have joy that I never thought possible and although life is a lot lot tougher now than it was I am mentally happier....however I am an only child and I was very lonely growing up, I always found it hard to make friends even now my circle of friends is very small and I am a bit socially awkward, I do not want this for my child and I am finding the guilt of him being an only child is killing me. I also find the guilt of being on welfare hard going too and desperately don't want to be one of those people you read about in the paper on welfare popping kids out and expecting the tax payer to pay. I always wanted to go back to employment but that would be impossible until my child is in school as crèche we just can't afford. So my dilemma I suppose is this do I stick to one child where I can start looking for part time employment this September or do I give my child a sibling so they will have someone when I am no longer here

[iseenodust]

Hi. Sounds like you have had a tough few years. I'm not sure the decision has to be as black and white as that.

DS is an only and always will be. I don't worry he'll have no-one when I'm gone as I believe he will have friends and hopefully a partner, maybe children of his own. We make sure he sees cousins a few times a year so he has a sense of family (they are older and 3 hours drive away so it's not frequent).

If you really want him to have a sibling the gap does not have to be close for a close relationship. Why not try to go back to work when he starts school in Sept and think about trying for another in a couple of years? DH and his brother have an 11 yr gap. DS's cousins have a 6 year gap.