One child wobble..........

[AnnieDelores]

I have a perfect 21 month old boy after undergoing IVF. I have 3 frozen blastocysts remaining. My husband would like another child because he has a traditional view of "the family". I, however, dont think I want to go through it all again for the reasons below:

1. We still dont live in our own home and are living in a rented house which upsets me (we own small flats we need to sell first and are struggling). I need to keep working to raise more of a deposit.
   
   
2. Ive been told I could be made redundant in a year's time and have been offered a very good opportunity to work for my employer as a consultant. If I get pregnant I'm not sure I could take the time out and maintain that arrangement.
   
   
3. I'm just beginning to get my life back as DS gets easier to entertain. He was a very high maintenance baby and I was shattered.
   
   
4. I'm 41 and feel too tired to give another child the energy it needs. I seem to get every virus going at the moment and I'm not sure if I would cope with two.
   
   Am I being selfish?

[mikkii]

Not necessarily selfish, I think perhaps realistic. I have 3 DCs, aged 8.9, 6.2 and 2.7. I'm 44, I work full time,as does DH.

DH does more now than ever before, but not what I would consider to be a fair share. We have a cleaner.

TBH I returned to work when DD2 was 3.5 months old. I am the main wage earner and could not afford to be on SMP any longer. I had also been off whilst pregnant due to complications, although allowed to work part time fom home when well enough.

I was exhausted because DD2 was not sleeping through the night, if you are too tired now, think about more broken nights, no evenings to yourself.

Children deserve our time, energy nd attention. Don't get me wrong, I think siblings are important, but if you're not sure, wait.

[Ragusa]

If you don't want another baby, don't try for another baby, I say.

Only children are not damaged for life or spoiled goods - I am one and really, I am fairly normal . Having said that, I do think it's nice for children to have siblings, for the sole reason that it's good to have someone who has the same early experiences as you. I do miss that, being an only.

There are downsides to having siblings, though - squabbling, not necessarily getting on, falling out further down the line when it comes to responsibilities for looking after elderly parents, etc etc etc.

I have never thought of my parents as being selfish for just having me - not at all. They did what was right for them and for me at the time.