What made you decide to stick at 1?

[babysaurus]

I have a DS who shall be 1 next month. He means the world to me but I was, until very recently, more than happy for him to remain my only child.
However, possibly as his first year is approaching, I am wavering a bit re this. The bulk of the reasons to stick with one seem to mostly benefit me (space, finances, time 'off') whereas the benefits for having another seem to largely benefit DS (companion, direct family for if something happens to me or DH when he's older etc.)

He has been a relatively easy baby, no colic / very happy / sleeps and eats well and so on but its still quite relentless and the idea of dealing with him and a newborn (am 39 so would really have to be considering it by the time he's two) sounds bloody awful. But, after seeing so many families out today with their older children I wonder if I'll regret it.

(I realise a sibling doesn't mean they will get on by the way. There are probably lots of other reasons both for and against I can post if needs be, am typing on my phone so don't want to make this too long!)

So, please can you tell me your reasons to have just one...?

[mumtolilh]

Hi

I have a boy aged 18 months (first & last) & I'm only 25 oh is 30
There is nothing wrong with having only 1.My reasons are the fact that I have a 2 bedroom & would never afford to get a bigger property,I'm going back to work & I know in 2016 my lb will start school & I will have at least Some of my life back.That may sound selfish but it's up to me just like its your decision.I will make sure my lb will have plenty of extra curriculum activities & we are very sociable (lots of friends with kids) & I truly believe I won't regret it in later life
All the best ;)

[beansmum]

I haven't officially decided to have just one, I'm single and if I had a partner who was desperate to have a child I might consider it. If it was up to me I would have just one. ds would always be my favourite and the other child would know. ds is awesome.

[FeckOffCup]

I love the fact that my 2 year old is very verbal now and getting more independent all the time, I can't face going back to the baby stage with sleepless nights and endless puke and poonamis again. Financial reasons are a big part of our decision too, we can give her a much better quality of life and I can afford to remain a SAHM with just one child to feed and clothe. I just don't feel the biological urge to have another child, when I was TTC with DD I was desperate for a baby, now the thought of being pregnant again fills me with dread, I had a pretty awful labour and birth experience and I wouldn't go through it again unless I really really wanted another baby.

[NynaevesSister]

Having just one was a huge effort. It took five years and a lot of heartache. I was 38 by the time he was born. We didn't try to not have another but we weren't hung up on it either. It was wonderful we had one.

Now I couldn't imagine it any other way. There are lots of benefits. I can do things and go places with one that I couldn't with two for example.

And I treasure every moment and every milestone because it will only happen once.

My son would be thrilled to have a little brother but he has an idealised view. He thinks a sibling would be a playmate for him who he could boss around. Despite the fact that his two best friends do nothing but fight with their younger brothers.

[babysaurus]

Thank you everyone for your replies. The benefits of one child are quite significant, and I also don't buy all the guff about loneliness etc. Still, I am still 50/50 on the prospect of another although, today at least, am veering on the idea of just our one. He's fab!

[AnneElliott]

I knew straight away after having DS that I wouldn't have any more. I can't face the baby stage again and although DS asks for a baby do e times, he thinks they would follow him around and not change our lives.

[babysaurus]

Good to hear someone else doesn't like the idea of the baby stage again too! My DS is fab, and a relatively easy baby, but its bloody hard work all the same!

[YourHandInMyHand]

Reasons I had:
hyperemesis, PND, DS high needs - didn't sleep well + clingy, relationship on the rocks, finances were tight, was a childminder so he had plenty of playmates, etc

all very sensible but DS is now 8 and I wish I had followed my heart not my head.

[Icaughtyouadeliciousbass]

I had a really easy baby, now a really easy 18 month old, but even without any real problems, I still found it hard enough in the early days that I don't want to do it again. Just not sure I'm a newborn type of gal. Wouldn't change him for the world, but I've a 'been there and done that' feeling about babies now. Friends of mine feel unfulfilled with one - I feel lucky that's something I don't struggle with.

[NeverendingStoryteller]

Because you don't have to sort through socks and underpants to figure out which ones belong to which child.

And, those amazing family days where your little one behaves and is brilliant company - those all disappear pretty much completely because every day it is either one or the other who misbehaves or causes havoc. On the very best days, they'll both decide to misbehave and cause havoc. That would be enough to turn me to drink.

I have one. That's fine by me. I have seen my friends who spend their entire lives sorting out sibling rivalries and lament those lost 'special' days. I have also seen friends who have had an 'easy' baby, and assume that number two will be the same. My cousin (after number two came along) advised me that "whoever said having two was just as easy as one was full of shit." Sage advice. Sage advice.

[MrsFrederickWentworth]

I have one. He was miraculous to is after miscarriages and 9 years of heartache. But I had a difficult pgy and birth, pnd for ages / years and Ds was a very ill child for ten years.

He always wanted a sibling and I think it would have been good for him as he does have all our attention. He was a lonely child out of school/childminder. And it will be hard for him when we are old. He also feels the weight of our expectations, even when we don't have any!

But there it is. We love him very much and he loves us.

[Lolapink]

I am currently pregnant with my first after IVF treatment. We can't afford to pay for another IVF go. We are so lucky and blessed to have this one!

[Smartieaddict]

I didn't really choose to have just one, unfortunately the second just didn't happen for us, but there are so many positives of just having one!

We are lucky in so far as DS has two cousins who live about 50 metres from us, and he spends lots of time with them, so he doesn't miss out on having a close family relationship.

From my point of view, I now find myself feeling slightly sorry for those expecting their second baby. With one you get the best of both worlds. You get to enjoy being a parent, but it is not hard. I find I have plenty of energy to give to DS, and I can enjoy reading with him, and helping out at school. I think if there were two of him I would struggle to find the enthusiasm.

[IdealHomeHouseBeautifulLivinge]

I just wanted one child. Just like some people want 2, 3, 4 or 5. I would never wonder why some people wanted more or less children.

[QueenFaeriecakes]

My DS is 9 and I am more then happy to just stick to having one child. I can spoil him within reason and our bond is unbreakable. He is very happy and has an aunt just one year older, so has a 'sister' of sorts.
I am not in a position to afford another child and mentally I wouldn't manage with another as I have bipolar.

[Artandtravel]

I had my son late in life at 38. It is too late for a second and I wouldnt have the energy. We have a rabbit instead. A pet is a good option for a single child. My son loves his rabbit and says we are more of a family now...40% him, 40% me, and 20% rabbit. He tells me daily that he loves me and tells me how lucky he is to have me for his mother especially when I'm making pancakes. One child is easier and less demanding- not being pulled in two directions. For us, the advantage is simplicity. We love to travel. We go on adventures abroad quite often. Two flights to find- his and mine. He has been to eight countries and is eight years old now. He is aware that he does more travelling than the average child. I couldn't do this with a family of four or with two children. I travel light.

[Princessjonsie]

I only wanted one so I could give him everything. This extended to my time and attention as well as money. I must admit I'm regretting that decision a little now as he is 19 and lives away from home as he attends Uni.i would give my right arm for another but I'm now to old

[Tubemole1]

I had a difficult birth (had PE, then due to drug fook up had to have GA during caesarean, then wound didn't heal right...) and when I went back to work full time, shifts, on the underground I couldn't cope very well being patient with her. Our finances were very stretched, nursery fees costing more than our mortgage, and her delayed development meant she needed more of my time. The house was a constant tip.

She now is fine, in Year 1, in top sets for everything, and we have repainted our house. Life has moved on, and could I go back to the old days of mess puke, poverty, and smell?

Hell no.

[Smartieaddict]

Princessjonsie, but if you'd had another they would leave home eventually too, you can't put it off forever! I am not dreading DS leaving home already, oh no not me!

[Madonna1987]

Hmmm, I'm in two minds. Reading the comments make me :) though. Its soooo refreshing to hear other mothers be honest about how hard it actually is. My dd is 5mo - so still very young, but I often ponder on wether to have another due to the fact that it would be sooner rather than later... I couldn't imagine waiting years then going through it all again. That sounds terrible... But i just mean the sleepless nights etc. My heart says another -.my head says no!

[Bluestocking]

We only planned to have one, mainly because DP already had a DS from a previous relationship. I was nearly 40 when I had DS and it was a very, very bad birth, with three lots of surgery needed afterwards to repair the mess, so even if we'd wanted another we'd have had to wait to conceive until all that was over and done with.
I did have the occasional pang when my mummy friends started to have their second babies, but those pangs tended to subside on seeing them all wrecked and shattered dealing with toddlers and newborns.
We've always loved being a tight little unit of three - we can go where we like and do what we like. Although we enjoy spending time with other families, I do get very tired of listening to the endless sibling squabbles (and there does seem to be a lot more of that than sibling harmony) and count my blessings that we just have our one lovely boy.

[daisydee43]

Hi everyone - I have dd1.5 and I'm feeling really selfish in thinking I may not have another. It took me such a long time to fall in love with her which sounds awful but it's true and now she's my little princess and I love her to pieces. I'm worried the same might happen again. Dh says he would like another but he's undecided due to finances so we've held any decisions off until later next year. We have 2 bedrooms and probably could afford bigger when the time came but I would rely on tax credits for childcare as I work part time. Also I have started my own business which I'd love to see grow and I can't imagine doing this with two kids. Still feel really selfish tho

[mistlethrush]

Why on earth selfish? All your time can be spent looking after her rather than sharing your time with another sibling.

[daisydee43]

What's more I hated being one of two and I hardly ever see my brother now, we are like two opposites. Dh was only child so not sure he feels the same, we've always thought we would have more

[ErrolTheDragon]

We didn't decide to start a family till we were 35 and then turned out I had PCOS so didn't have DD till I was 38 after a little treatment (just clomid, but lots of tests etc).

She was not a particularly easy baby (colic and didn't like sleeping or being put down) ... just couldn't really see getting psyched up to try again. DH has occasionally said that if he'd known how lovely a child could be we'd have started earlier and had several but TBH he's not really serious. She's fine as an only; quite a lot of her friends are onlies too.

I did talk to DD when she was about 6 and a classmate was about to have a new sibling whether she wished she had a brother or sister... she pondered the question and was quite firmly not keen on the idea, and thought that a second dog would be a much better idea.

She's 14 now and is helping to keep me young - we do stuff together. Last night for a change instead of going on FB after she'd done her homework she decided we were going to chat for a couple of hours, which was nice.