Just hoping for a bit of solace - I'm really struggling with us being a one child family, and going to stay that way. Not that I don't love it, in many ways - DS was conceived after multiple IVFs, when I was already very long in the tooth, and we are a happy little family on the whole; I am very, very aware of how blessed we are to have him and he makes me happy every single day. And I do positively enjoy many of the aspects of being a one child family - being able to devote all our attention to him, the flexibility and so on, especially now he's nearly 5 and becoming his own little person.
But, but, but - I never actually chose to be mother to just one child. The choice was made for me by the fact I didn't meet DH till I was 40, and then it took us several years to make it to parenthood at all. We were lucky to sneak in there at all, under the rapidly closing doorway. So it was never really on the cards that we'd have another child.
But I've never really got my head around the idea that that's it, we're complete as a family, I'll never be pregnant again, never have a newborn again, never get to see another wonderful little person who's the result of our union grow and develop. I always wanted more than one child, and I still do.
It doesn't help that pretty much all my mum friends have 2 or 3 DC now. I can remember each and every subsequent pregnancy announcement over the last few years with painful clarity, each one was like an arrow in the heart. I just want that to be me, just want to be like "everybody else", just want to have what most people take for granted. But it's not going to happen.
We finally went down the IVF route again this summer - had always been thinking about it but literally couldn't face it for a long, long time; given that by the time DS was born I was already in the serious danger zone age-wise, there was little reason to hope we'd be lucky a second time. But when I had my hormone levels tested earlier this year they were surprisingly good, and so I thought we might be in with a chance. DH was never as keen or as hopeful, but willing to try.
Anyway, obviously it didn't work out, and I am now in the position of having to accept that that's it: we are and will stay a one child family. And I just wanted to hear from others who've been in the same position, if you're out there - those of you who like us, never planned or chose to be a one child family, but had that choice forced upon you. I can see that I will have to come to terms with it somehow, but I am really struggling with the finality of it. Not that I don't love our life together - I really do; but I just wanted that (big) bit more. So if you've been through similar and come out the other side (or not...) it would be lovely to hear from you. Thanks.
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One-child families
One child, not by choice
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MrsTriceratops · 10/09/2012 23:18
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