to be frightened to have another child...

[BlueCollie]

I had a very traumatic c-section birth due an imcompetent Dr wanting to finish by 18:00 nearly died and I was in hospital quite a while and my husband had to take two months off from the Army to look after me and the baby. I had detached myself so emotionally from the birth that I didn't feel a thing and even joked about it until I went back to work. I have only now starting to really bond with my son and he is 14 months old. I'm A and E nurse and after a couple of months of being back at work I could no longer deal with the flashbacks, nightmares and anxiety of dealing with labouring women and intubated patients....typical severe PTSD symptoms. I am now off sick and having treatment. However, I have always said that I didn't want an only child and my husband and I have started to try for another one (he's in Afghan at moment but we gave it ago when he was home at Christmas for 2 weeks). My problem is that now I am reattaching to all that happened to me I am not sure I can go through it again. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I just find it so sad that he might not have anyone to play with, gang up on his parents with and have some good old sibling rivalry with. I feel very selfish to feel that I am having doubts about giving him a sibling.

[BlueCollie]

forgive the spelling and I really should learn to proof read before posting

[MrsNorthman]

I think you have every right to be scared. I had a traumatic labour too. I had a slipped disc and was induced 3 weeks early and had to give birth naturally as the anesthetist refused me an epidural. Like you don't want an only child.

My advice to you is that surely you know with your sensible head on, that each pregnancy is different and there is no reason why you will go through the same again. Do you have any midwife or HV friends who you could speak to?

I think it's perfectly natural for you to feel this way but you may be worrying yourself for no reason.

Good luck.

[illuminasam]

I really know how you feel. I lost my first baby at 22 weeks - I had a cervical stitch that got infected.

After two years of extreme grief and seeming infertility I got pregnant again at age 39. Again I had a cervical stitch and a very anxious pregnancy. The stitch worked this time but when it was time to take it out they couldn't! I was on the operating table for 2 hours with local anaesthetic and sedation. After so much fiddling around I had an infection too.

They had a second go under a spinal block about a week later and this time they got it out. I then had 24 hours of natural labour finishing up with a caesarean under epidural because the babies head couldn't get past the scar tissue on my cervix.

When DS was born, he had inhaled meconium and had some kind of horrendous infection. He was in NICU and then special care and we didn't get out of hospital for 2 weeks.

I would like another child but the thought of all this again, at age 41, is awful. I would definitely need a stitch and would have an elected caesarean. I've lost one child and nearly lost another and am so pleased he lived and is so well that I don't want to tempt fate.

We've been through so much, I almost don't dare get pregnant.

[BlueCollie]

Mrs Northman - you had to give birth naturally with a slipped disc OUCH! Are you okay now? I do have friends who are MW's....they said to me when I was pregnant that there was no way I was going to give birth naturally. I know that two births aren't the same and I also know that all that happened to me was because of a negligent Dr but doesn't stop the fear. Not sure I will ever fully get over it but at least the therapy is helping.

illuminasam -I'm sorry to hear you had such a hard time. It sounds awful so I can understand why you wouldn't want to do it again. Did you want more than one before you had you son?

[illuminasam]

I've always thought two children would be lovely. At the moment I'm still breastfeeding so probably wouldn't get pregnant anyway but in a few months we might just see what happens.

If I do get pregnant, I'll have to try and get through it I guess!

[OddBodd]

I'm terrified too but for the opposite reason. I had a perfect pregnancy and (long but no complications) labour. I was so lucky I now am convinced I can't be that lucky again. It's pathetic I know. It was just so easy and calm last time and ds is now 3.6 and we feel happy with our life yet our family feels incomplete to me. I am so scared of being pregant now and I don't know why. Maybe I know more now about the difficulties people can have and all the complications. Last time I was so naive.

[maxybrown]

OddBodd- I feel exactly the same as you tooo! Though I am not longing for another anyway and I don't have the incomplete feeling - but everything else i completely understand

[UnSerpentQuiCourt]

Bluecollie, look at some of the other threads here - having only one child is not the end of the world. I have a friend who was an only, has two herself and feels sorry that her elder daughter doesn't have the chance to enjoy the idyllic childhood she remembers. Everyone is different and every situation has its pluses and minuses.

[keely027]

I nearly died in labour too. Had an horrendous birth experience leading to grade 1 emer c section. I can't have another child..not to with birth must add. I would love a second one, but I thought if it did happen I would opt for a planned c section. Can you not see that as an option?