13 month starting nursery - advice to help her and me

[minxy1969]

Hi,

My 13month old daughter starts nursery in 2 weeks (due to financial reasons). She has settling in days before she starts (1hr then 2 hrs then 3 hrs then starts full time 4 days a week). We have hardly been apart from each other since she was born (my partner works away from home a lot) and is often clingy with me.

I know nursery will be good for her in the long term but I am so upset and struggling with the idea of her going.

Any advice on how I can help her to settle and also how I be stronger? I usually consider myself to be strong but this is one thing that I am struggling with. I don't want to cry in front of her and am so worried I will.

Thank you

[MillionPramMiles]

Are you happy with the nursery (have you been for a visit, seen the facilities, asked questions about feed/sleep routines, seen how the staff interact with the children, asked local mums whose children attend etc)?
If so, then try not to worry, your toddler will be in good hands.

How many days a week will she attend? Generally the more days they attend, the quicker children settle in.

In terms of what you can do:

1. Expect tears. It's normal. It doesn't mean your child will be scarred for life. It will improve. Sometimes your toddler will burst into tears when you come to collect them having been fine all day!
   

1. Don't linger on drop off, quick kiss and a confidant see you later. Try not to appear upset in front of toddler.
   

1. If you can peep through a window after drop off without toddler seeing you, you'll probably start to see that they stop crying quite quickly.
   

1. Ask specific questions upon pick up about eating, sleeping (where/how), activities, how much crying during the day etc. and voice any concerns to your toddler's keyworker.
   

1. Remember the nursery rely on information from you, if you know your daughter is teething or hates eating something or only sleeps on her side etc - tell them. A good nursery will have caring, diligent staff who want to care for your child properly.
   

Some posters will probably say a childminder is better. I've seen good and bad examples of both CMs and nurseries, I don't think either is a failsafe option. Personally I'm more comfortable with nurseries, where peers and managers have oversight of staff performance but there's pros and cons to both.

I'm happy that my dd is doing painting, singing, play-doh, cooking, group games etc instead of stuck in a pram while I race round the supermarket or trying to get my attention while I cook/clean - maternity leave wasn't all playgroups and trips to the park unfortunately!

Don't give yourself a hard time. Financial security is important too.

[Carnival]

Million prams post said it all, really. I second the no lingering policy, you must be all rainbows and lollipops and this GREAT (whilst you're dying inside,) or it'll upset you both. Kiss, hug,"enjoy yourself, DD." Youngest DD absolutely loves it now and there is no cling factor at all drop off.

Good luck. The first few drop offs can be hellish, but you'll get there.

[minxy1969]

Thank you so much for these comments. That really helps. She will be going 4 days a week so we have one mummy day.

[Stripytop]

Send laminated photos of you into nursery to be put where she can see them, and a 'transition' toy. A teddy, or something, from home for her to snuggle when she's tired or teary. Both these things helped my dc's who started nursery at the same age.