Nursery needed every other month

(15 Posts)
shypuffin Fri 06-Dec-13 11:24:54

Hi, I'm in a pretty difficult situation. I stupidly moved to rural France with my partner and twin babies 2 years ago but it's just not working out for me. My partner and I argue all the time and have decided we want different things out of life. He wants to stay here long-term but I feel totally isolated and want to return to the UK where I have a support network and means of income.

After an horrendous 6 months we've agreed we need to split up but he is insisting on 50/50 custody and since it's illegal to take children out of their country of residence without both parents' permission I feel I have to agree to that. The twins have just turned 2 so this would mean they live with him for one month in France and then me for the next month in the UK. From a logistical point of view, how would I manage childcare? Are there nurseries that are that flexible and if so what would I have to pay?

thanks in advance for any advice!

Bakerof3pudsxx Fri 06-Dec-13 11:26:41

I think you would struggle unless you were going to pay for the place full time regardless of the country your dc are in

This is also going to be very unsettling for your poor dc

Have you had legal advice?

mumtobealloveragain Fri 06-Dec-13 11:31:25

You definitely need some legal advice!

What agreement do you need to remove the children from France? Is it an official document or just his consent? What happens if one month he decides not to return them?

Honestly, it sound horrendous for your children. Not seeing mummy or daddy for a whole month every other month with really be confusing. A month is a lifetime to a little child. Different childcare every other month too! Then what about when you have to apply for schools at around age 3.5? Do they school in England or France as then they would have to be full time in that country.

I think you need to put your children's needs before your own and either both move here or both stay in France.

shypuffin Fri 06-Dec-13 13:53:50

My partner won't move back to the UK and if he kicks me out I can't afford to stay on in France because of lack of work here (even if I wanted to). While they are resident in France, French law applies which is much more biased towards the father. I was told by a Paris specialist law firm that getting the legal right to return to the UK with the kids would cost about 15000 euros and I'd only have a 50/50 chance of winning - and that was when I was breastfeeding!

Bakerof3pudsxx Fri 06-Dec-13 13:55:08

But what about once you have them in the uk? For your month. Can you seek legal help in the uk to then keep them here?

tweetytwat Fri 06-Dec-13 13:55:50

50/50 with parents in two countries is not at all a suitable plan. For you or your children so you need to start again looking at alternatives TBH.

KingRollo Fri 06-Dec-13 14:00:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bumpsadaisie Fri 06-Dec-13 14:06:23

Sorry for your situation which must be really hard.

I do think that one month here and one month there would be a disaster from the twins' point of view though. They need consistency in these early years.

When they are four or five things might be different, but for the next couple of years I think it would be best for you to all be in the same country.

The arrangement you propose will be totally unworkable once they are of school age anyway, so I think you'd be better setting up something now that you know you can go with long term.

Good luck, it does sound tricky xxx

shypuffin Fri 06-Dec-13 14:45:28

I agree, the every other month plan would be a disaster, but I feel like the only alternative is to leave the twins with him, as I can't afford to stay in France if I move out. I'm not about to do this, especially as he spent the first half of my pregnancy trying to convince me to get an abortion.

Ragusa Sat 07-Dec-13 22:21:32

You poor thing. What an awful, awful situation.

No practical advice but there is a charity called Reunite which gives advice on the movement of children across international borders. They may be able to point you to a specialist lawyer who really knows their stuff.

Only1scoop Sat 07-Dec-13 22:29:11

Awful situation. Get your dc back to UK and sort things out from here maybe?
Doesn't sound like a workable plan for two year old twins.
On the nursery front I can't think of a nursery that wouldn't charge when they are absent for the month.
Hope you sort things. Good luck

RandomMess Sat 07-Dec-13 22:33:18

Do you think he may in time come over to the UK for one long weekend a month (and you have to host him) and then the dc stay with him for one week per month? A month is a long long time to go without seeing one of you at a time?

Obviously sometimes he could have them for longer for a "holiday" or something? How is he going to arrange childcare for them in France?

Ragusa Sat 07-Dec-13 22:37:48

"get your DC back to UK and sort things out from here"... I don't think this is advisable, and definitely not without legal advice. You could end up being accused of intercountry parental abduction and this could seriously impact your custody prospects.

Only1scoop Sat 07-Dec-13 22:45:03

I did put "maybe" at the end of that sentence....I just wondered as the dc were born in the UK support would be given, but hey, I have not a clue of the legal implications and certainly wasn't suggesting Op dissapears....

Good luck Op

Xmasbaby11 Sun 08-Dec-13 23:06:17

Oh, sounds really difficult.

I can't advise legally, but you definitely have to pay for nurseries every month, regardless of whether the children attend. I don't think any childcare provider - childminder. nanny - could offer that level of flexibility.

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