Advice needed please - 3 yr old dd v unsettled at nursery - but been going for 2 yrs!

[Mandymoo]

Hi

DD is 3.4 and has been attending the local nursery for almost 2 years. She is not a particularly confident or boisterous child but she had seemed quite settled there with just the odd burst of tears now and then.

However, over the last 2 months or so we've had to collect her early twice because she's been crying so much and she cries almost every time she is left. She even cries when myself or dh picks her up!

We've tried talking to her about it and why she doesnt enjoy it and she says "because i miss you when im there mummy" - cue guilt sweeping right through me!

She attends a different pre-school group 4 mornings a week which we have no problem with although she is still quiet whilst there - but as i keep trying to tell people - being quiet is not necessarily a bad thing.

Anyway, i am at a loss as to what to do next. My immediate reaction is to just take her out of the nursery (she's only still there cos we want her to have it to go to through the summer hols and one of her little friends goes there etc) but i dont want her to think that she can cry and simply get what she wants iykwim.

Any advice/tips would be greatly appreciated.

TIA X

[morningpaper]

strange

change of carer?

siblings...?

[amber5]

don'y have any particular advice, but my ds has been thro something similar. he started nursery at 7m and is now 3.2y. he always went happily, until lasy july when we moved - he then started crying, not wanting to be left, etc... he seemed to have one thing after anoter, chick pox, cold, baby sister...always some excuse yo be 'unsettled' . Recently i just decided to stop pandering to him. i physically put him in the car, in the car i said to him if you cry i will ignore you, if you talk properly i will talk to you, i also said he could have a treat of his choice when he came home if he had been a good boy.
this took about 4 wks to really take effect, there were a number of days when i iterally put him in the door, a carer took him from me and i ignored him crying. i used to go home and cry myself and almost gave up.... BUT last wk ds put his coat on, got in t car and walked into nursery. he got a lolly and a film when he got home. this morning he's run off to play and even forgot to say goodbye to me!!

i guess what i'm saying is decide what will work for you and stick with it. they are goign to enjoy playing with pther children and you're not a bad mother!!

[amber5]

bad typing - sleeping babe in arms...

[ayla99]

Is the pre-school group fairly new? I'm a Registered Childminder, it sounds strange but one of the children I look after had been coming happily to me for about 18 months and then got very upset about coming to me after starting preschool!

What does the nursery think? They must have been quite concerned to have asked you to collect early (this in itself could encourage further tears in the hope of you collecting early again).

I wouldn't rush to take your child out immediately, but maybe agree a time period with the nursery & discuss their techniques for settling/distracting your child. Check if there have been any changes in routine in nursery (or new children/members of staff?).

[Mandymoo]

Thanks for your replies - have spoken to the nursery manager as well as the staff members in DD's room - they have all said "well, she's always been a bit shy/quiet. Dunno why she's like this now" - really informative and helpful.

To actually tell a child she's shy infront of them pees me off no end anyway but to almost state that being shy/quiet is a negative thing just doesnt inspire me let alone a child i would imagine.

She started pre-school last October.

[ayla99]

Then I think your first instinct was probably right, it sounds like time to move on.