Interacting with other kids at nursery

[Bappus]

Hi there,

This post is regarding my son who is going to nursery since Sep'12. During the first few days at nursery, he used to cry a lot everyday when I left him there, but he became okay, after me leaving. Finally after around 2 weeks, he started waving bye to me and was by his teacher's side whenever I left him.

He is very fine with going to nursery, and wants to be there even on weekends, BUT the problem is he does not play with other kids. He is too shy when he has to play with other kids. He is perfectly fine when I am around, or with his teachers. When I leave him at the nursery, he does not like to join a kids group table, rather, he likes to hang around with the teacher. When we wait for the teacher to open the door at 12.30, all the kids would be running around outside, whereas, my son would never do that. He likes to run only when we are the first to reach there. His teacher started a group activity at the nursery, with similar shy kids, and she says, he is improving, but very slowly. He is taking his own sweet time.

His teacher started giving his stickers whenever he started playing with other kids, I feel that has also given him some kind of motivation. At home, when kids come to our home, when when we go to park, he plays well, but that time, his sister would also be there. He loves playing with his sister and plays really well with her.

To tell about him, he is a very bright kid. He does jigsaw puzzles so quick. He can do a brand new 100 piece puzzle all by himself. He will be 4 yrs in May. And, he is very good at drawing and colouring. He can draw characters and can colour without crossing the boundaries. He can sing and dance too, Gangnam stlye, his favourite.

Another thing to add is, our home language is an Indian language, and not English. Since we came from India only a year back, my son does not know much English. We try to speak more English to him at home, he can understand what we speak and what his teachers say, but can respond back only very little.

I do not know whether his poor English is also a problem, for him not speaking to other kids and for his shy behaviour.

If any of you had had similar problems, please let me know. Let me know your suggestions and any tips. I know some of you may think of Autism etc etc, and no mom would even want to think about it, but I am very confident in saying that he is a very very bright and intelligent kid.

Thanks a lot for your time and help. It is highly appreciated.

Best Regards.

[JellyMould]

My little boy (4 in July) is similar. I know it's not autism or anything, and I think he's just quite self sufficient, and gets overwhelmed easily. He's getting better with age. While I'm keeping an eye on it I'm not too worried. I'd imagine your little boy's language will improve a lot over the next year, and with it his confidence.

[OddBoots]

"His teacher started a group activity at the nursery, with similar shy kids, and she says, he is improving, but very slowly. He is taking his own sweet time."

Sept 12 means he has only had one term there, it is still quite early, if there has been improvement then I wouldn't call that slow. It sounds like you and the nursery are doing all the right things and he is finding his feet, it does take some children a while but that doesn't mean there is a problem, please try not to worry.

[Bappus]

Firstly, thanks for the response. I know I am being too worried and even my husband was saying the same. I want to be proactive rather than reactive and I dont want to miss any opportunity that would really help him come out of his shyness. Please keep me posted if you have any tips and I strongly believe that our kids comes out with flying colours. Thanks for the motivation. Appreciate it.

[babbi]

Please try not to worry , he sounds perfectly fine .. just a shy child .
My DD is now 8 and is so similar,she plays very well with cousins etc, but shy most other times .
I have spent years worrying and starting up new schemes /programmes/ ideas to bring her out of her shell and we are making progress but I just have to accept that she is shy , that is her nature and I really have to accept it mostly.
It does get better with age, and when you think about it why do we think our children need to be loud, outgoing and mixing all the time?
Maybe they prefer the quiet and the peace !!

As a professional linguist please be assured that language is not a problem. Non verbal children even play together after all !
Rather be proud that he will be a bilingual child which will be a huge asset to him in the future.

I look forward to seeing you post in the next couple of years asking how you can quieten him down !!!!

Hope you are settling well in the UK.