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14 weeks left of nursery and not a moment too soon

8 replies

stoppinattwo · 15/03/2006 21:44

My DD will be leaving nursery to go to her big school soon - thank god!!
Im fed up with being told how she has misbehaved. She is four and is testing the boudaries. She is very aware of people and what they are feeling and some of the younger staff will be a bit offhand with her so she replies - she is then "being cheeky". DD comes home and can repeat everything that is said and i find it very frustrating that trained adults cannot control my 4 year old in a kinder way and maybe turn the not so good things into more positive things. It seems to be a chore for them sometimes. After yet again being told that DD had been naughty today, I told the staff member not to worry youve only got to put up with her for another 14 weeks. Its heartbreaking I dont want DD to remember nursery as being somewhere people tell you off. She's growing to hate it but I cant move her because its not long b4 she leaves anyway. Ineed to have works with the manager but dont want to make things worse, any suggestions??

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Sparklemagic · 15/03/2006 22:43

I would definitely ask for a meeting with the Nursery manager. I'd say to her that you are troubled by the amount of times you've been told your daughter has misbehaved, but confused because no meeting with you has been requested or plan of action suggested by the staff - ask the manager if you can assume this is 'day to day' information you are being given rather than serious concerns about her behaviour.

Say to the manager exactly what you've said here - you said it brilliantly; the staff need to 'control' her in a kinder way and you have a strong impression that dealing with her is a chore for them. As you say they need to work to turn the negatives into positives - she sounds bright and sparky and may well need to be given a bit of responsibility to interest her, or more activities?

Don't let them get away with this - either they have real concerns about her behaviour - in which case, they MUST let you know what they are and agree a plan of action for how it will be dealt with. OR, she's a completely normal four year old who needs to be engaged with by the staff in a more positive, nurturing way. Either way, put the ball in their court!

Very best of luck with this - it's such a shame for you and DD that the last months of nursery are like this. x

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stoppinattwo · 16/03/2006 07:01

Thanks for that Sparklemagic, your advice is good, sometimes when your in the middle an a bit fed up with it all its so hard not to get v defensive about it and snap at the staff but you instinct is to defend you DC all the time. Hearing they have been naughty is a very negative feeling. DD isnt the brightest button, she is learning well and does things when shes supposed to (very by the book!)but she is incredibly perceptive with moods and has a great scale of moods herself. She is very streetwise - she will say to me "I dont want to be friends with X because she she only wants to be my freind so she can play with my toys" fair play to her, I think now we spend so much time telling our kids to share nicely, would we share our last box of choccies with someone we didnt really like?. But she gets told its wrong not to share?. My daughter is incredibly strong minded as well but shes been there 4 years its not like she suddenly become this person, there are more gently ways of getting her round to co-operate even I can do that and Im not trained!! Ohh Im getting upset on my soap box again, this needs to be directed at the nursery manager. I just want her last few months at nursery to be happy months for her to remember, i really dont care what she can do by the time she leaves nursery. All this Offsted stuff takes the fun out of nursery. She's crying this morning cos she doesnt want to go, I really need to sort this out today or these girls are in danger of getting a piece of my mind. Will think of a constructive way to put it. X

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jerry21 · 16/03/2006 10:04

Stoppinattwo,

I have had the exact same problem (I posted about it on another thread). I feel like the Nursey staff are offhand with DS, and he is leaving too in 4 weeks (found a childminder). He is 3 and a 1/2, and they do test the boundaries, but these "trained" nursery nurses seem to do everything by the book and are not as nuturing as I'd hoped. He will be starting school nursery in September for a year, but until then, will be going to a childminder, as DS was unhappy and so was I.
Childminder is great, he loves it there and it is such a great atmosphere there, and plus she has kids of her own so has first hand experience of children.
But don't worry, at least you know your DD will be out of there soon. Just wanted to let you know that your not alone, its not a nice situation to be in as you don't want other people harping on about how naughty your child has been and you haven't been there to see it for yourself. My Ds never displayed any of the behaviour they went on about at home.
Agree with Sparklemagic re meeting the nursery manager. She still has a while to go and they should be trying to make it a happy time for her, make sure you get your points across and ideas to handle your DD better.
Sorry if not much help, and its a bit rambled!!! Hope everything goes ok.

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stoppinattwo · 17/03/2006 04:11

Went in and spoke to the Manager and she gave me the sympathetic, we have your DDs best interests, we cand let her do thinhg she's not supposed to do we are trying to prepare her for school. I can take her point but I told her there were ways of doing things and DD was getting very upset sometimes at the thought of going to nursery, something she had never done before. So she has promise to keep an eye on her. When she gets home tho she is still crying at the slightest thing, she seems really stressed DH says it is an attention thing, sometimes ive only got to look at her the wrong way or say the wrong thing and shes off.

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jerry21 · 17/03/2006 09:32

Glad you managed to get something sorted out with the manager. I understand the part about preparing her for school but there are better ways to go about it, she 4 FGS!!!
Could your DD be upset beacuse of the constant tellng off at nursery - I know DS was like this, get very upset but it was when he was repeating things his teachers said to him at nursery that I decided to take him out. I won't go into detail but its was not the way I would expect a trained nursery nurse to talk to a 3y/o. But everyday was a battle, he would cry and get upset because he didn't want to go, then he would get home and cry because he didn't want to go the next day etc.
We all know our own children and maybe she is being like this at home because of the negative attention she gets when shes there. I took this a sign of DS being unhappy, however he loves the childminder he will be going to, and can't wait to go.
Best of luck for you and your DD though, only you know whats best for her, and its clear you are trying to get the bottom of the problem.
Smile

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Sparklemagic · 17/03/2006 20:22

well done for speaking to the manager, it is always a bit nervewracking to do it so well done!

I think you did really well to tell her that your DD is very reluctant to go to Nursery at the moment, just what they need to hear. FWIW, my DS has always been quite clingy and sensitive, coupled with a strong personality where he wants to be 'in charge' all the time so he certainly hasn't got the easiest personality to settle into any sort of pre-school, and he tells me he likes his pre-school and likes going. So it should be possible for every child to be happy going to Nursery - keep on their case if things don't improve. And TBH, if things really don'g get any better I might consider taking her out a few weeks early and giving her a longer summer break! I know this would be a last resort, but if you filled the time with socialisation at groups or whatever, I don't think she'd be missing out!

Anyway, hope things go really well!

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stoppinattwo · 18/03/2006 12:39

thanks for your support guys, Ive decided to keep things as cheery as poss, I have also decided she's going to leave nursery at the start of the summer hols - I wont be crying!!. My DS is off from school anyway and will probably be kicking his heels so i thought we could all do with a bit of time n stuff b4 school start in sept. They have both done nursery since

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Sparklemagic · 18/03/2006 17:46

It's near the start of a new era! I feel much the same about my DS going to school in Sept - it's sort of bittersweet, isn't it.

Love the sound of your summer weeks together though, hope you all enjoy each other (most of the time!!!)

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