left dd for first time today

[bagpussmice]

only for an hour at her new Nursery. She seemed fine when I left her and playing happily - said goodbye and I would be back soon to pick her up.
Arrived 1 hour later to a screaming, very upset little girl who had been crying for 30 mins when she realised I wasn't there.
Is this normal??
Tomorrow I am going to do the same - leave her for an hour and then pick her up - worried she will do the same. I was very upset to see her so distressed.
She's not been left anywhere before except with grandparents or my sister.

[Jenum71]

How old is she?

[anchovies]

How old is she? We had a very difficult time when ds first started (he goes 3 mornings a week) but it's finally starting to get better. What were the staff doing with her when you arrived back there?

[Blu]

Leave her for a shorter time (i.e come back before she actually gets upset) and then build it up?

[Jenum71]

Whatever age anyway, she is bound to take a while to settle in. I worked as a nursery nurse for 8 years and it was always good practice to get the parents to say goodbye to the child, which I know you did.
She is probably most likely to get upset again (sorry!) but if she gets too distressed then ask the nursery to give you a call!

Did you stay with her any of the time?

[bagpussmice]

she is nearly 2. I stayed with her at the nursery 2 days ago for an hour and then we both came home.
The staff were brilliant. One nursery nurse had been looking after her for the 30 mins she was upset and trying to calm her down. She was very calm - obviously used to it!

[Jenum71]

Yeah you do kindof get used to it, which is of no help to the parents seeing their child distressed. I always tried to use the distraction method - like the fish we had or some pictures on the wall. I am sure the nursery nurses are doing what they can to try and help her settle. I am confident that she will settle in time, just takes a while - and once she knows you will come back for her, she should start to enjoy herself!

She wont want to go home! Believe me!

[edam]

Can you build up the length of time gradually, and stay nearby until you are happy that she's not too distressed?

Good point about saying goodbye, with a kiss and a hug and a cheerful voice, promising to come back later (not sure how much your dd understands about time?).

Before she goes, tell her she's going that day and really build it up as something very nice and very exciting. Talk about what she'll be doing with all the other children. Very upbeat voice. And very reassuring about mummy will collect her at the end of the day/whatever is actually going to happen.

HTH

[Jenum71]

Is there anything in particular she likes? Painting or a book or a favourite character?

I am guessing you must have told them what she likes.

Saying that sometimes there is just no way you can distract them! It just takes time and trust - she has to get to know her keyworker and other staff and children!

Her keyworker should be the one spending most time with her to build up a relationship.

Anyway sorry for going on - hope she settles in very soon!

[FrumpyGrumpy]

Didn't leave my dd until she was three and very similar consequences to you. Bear with it. It is horribly upsetting to them and to you because it is something brand new that she will never have faced before in her life. The noise of the environment alone is a big thing for her to take. It will pass and she will love it. Sounds great to me that the nursery nurse was with her and was unfazed. If you like the staff trust that feeling, they will take care of her and help her through this, especially if she continues to settle with a familiar one. Lots of reassurance when she comes home will tell her you are still there for her. Its just a learning curve and at this point I would expect the nursery to be trying every distraction tehnique known to man to keep her interested. Mt dd blossomed, absolutely blossomed once she settled. Its so hard leaving them but it makes you so proud when they first start to enjoy it.

[bagpussmice]

prob. is that she wasn't distressed at all when I left her - she was very happy - just playing, perhaps that's why she didn't take much notice when I said I was going and said goodbye.
Have already told her today that we are going again tomorrow, but Mummy will come and pick her up later.... think she understands some of it.
she is pretty on the ball for her age.

[Jenum71]

Yeah you could be right, she was probably too engrossed in what she was doing.

How was she when you told her she would be going again?

[anchovies]

Ds was the same, fine at first for the first couple of times but eventually started to get upset when we arrived. He started about 6 weeks ago, 3 mornings a week (he's 21 months) and is just settling in now. No tears for the first time this morning! The staff distract him really well and I find that leaving quickly after saying a cheerful goodbye works best.

[FrumpyGrumpy]

If you like the nursery and staff, keep going. As long as you keep being the same she will follow. Good luck. p.s. I've just settled my dd into school, same technique all over again....... she and me miss nursery!!

[anchovies]

Sorry I meant at first he was fine when left (didn't really notice) but got upset when he realised I'd gone. Later he knew I was going to go and got upset as soon as we arrived.

He still won't take his coat off and keeps his bag next to him until after breakfast, think he likes to be ready to make an escape!

[bagpussmice]

thanks for all the reassurance. I think she will be fine - but I guess it will just take time... also, she is only going 2 sessions /mornings a week, so a bit worried it will happen all over again after she's settled.
This week she is going in everyday to get used to it and they said she can do the same next week too if I want, gradually building up each day and leaving her a bit longer.
Jenum, she seemed okay when I told her we were going again tomorrow... will start worrying if she cries when we arrive!

[bagpussmice]

lulabelle - you will have to let me know how he gets on next week.
dd was okay on Friday - cried a bit when I left, but stayed for an hour and a half and was fine when I went to collect her. Next wed she I am going to leave her for an hour then ring up and see how she is getting on.
I agree -it is a long gap from Thur to the following wed. She too will be having lunch there - maybe on Thurs if she's getting on okay.
How funny they started the same time and the same days.

[bagpussmice]

lulabelle - how did your ds get on today?
dd cried when I left her but was okay after that.
She still hasn't stayed for more than 2 hours yet.
Tomorrow I am going to leave her for longer and all being well she will have lunch there... so she will be there from 9ish to 1pm - such a long time for them!!!
I have bought her a new lunchbox to take her sandwhiches in so she seems excited - at the moment anyway - we shall see tomorrow!