Leaving an hysterical child how do I manage it

[LOLLY32]

My DD 2.5yrs has just started her new nursery. She had a settling period of 3 wks and had her first week last week.During this time she has been fine and really enjoyed it. She goes 3 days a wk. This morning she said that she didn't want to go and got upset before she left the house. My DH takes her and he said that she had to leave her screaming. I phoned the nursery after 30 mins and she had settled down. How do we manage this? I don't want her left screaming every morning I feel really shitty.

[mumtosomeone]

Can i re assure you, she will be fine!
Ring again around 10 and she will be joining in as normal!! This will be a phase and will stop.I know it breaks your heart,we have all been there!! they would ring you if she was really upset.

[handlemecarefully]

You may have to get used to it. My dd has been attending Nursery 3 days per week since she was 6 months old. She is now 3.2

I frequently have to leave her in full blown hysteria mode. It's a manipulation thing.

[handlemecarefully]

It might not stop mumtosomeone!

I hope it does lolly32, but it hasn't for my dd.

[LilacLotus]

she will settle. the staff will be used to it and will be able to distract her and comfort her. keep reassuring her that you will be back to collect her.

[LOLLY32]

I know she will use this to get at me, she is very clever.Do you have any advice on how to mange it at home before we leave?

[mumtosomeone]

my dd didnt settle tbh but i just took her out. but the nursery told Lolly she had settled after she was left..thats different.

[Twiglett]

Many many children settle in nicely then after a few weeks realise that they're still going and throw a little bit of wobbler .. DS certainly did and within the week he was fine

just keep leaving her she'll settle down .. and don't make a fuss or not take her because as my DS' teachers at nursery explained that will just make it harder on her and she'll think she just has to complain louder

[mumtosomeone]

2 options...1,dont! dont talk about it just get ready with little fuss!
2, try to chat about it after nursery ask why she was upset in the morning, and ask if ahe had a nice day etc. talk about the nice things she did. ask her to paint you a pic!

Wait and see how she is next time she goes!

[LOLLY32]

I know I have to persevere otherwise i will make a rod for my own back. J ust feel terrible though and my DH was really upset too

[mumtosomeone]

she will be fine!
It may just be a one off too!
Try and stay relaxed and calm!

[Hulababy]

What about a story book about another child going to nursery and how much fun it is?

I know their is a Topsy and Tim goes to school book - sure there must be a similar type of story about nursery school.

[Hulababy]

there NOt their

[LOLLY32]

I shall have a look for a book. Do you think I should buy her a present to give to her when I pick her up?

[Hulababy]

Present - only if something very small and not very signifiant - or she may well expect it every time. Maybe stickers?

[flashingnose]

This is horrible and you have my sympathy. The important thing is whether she settles after you leave and enjoys herself. If she does, you can assume it's the separation that's the issue and not the nursery. Some of the hysteria may also be for your benefit. My advice is to speak to nursery and make sure she continues to be happy once she's there and then make your leaving as brisk as possible (nursery will probably be in favour of this as well and will help you).

Good luck.

[LOLLY32]

Thanks, I have every faith in the nursery. I think it is the separation rather than the nursery. She is fine now, I have phoned the nursery.

[ninah]

NO! just treat it like a normal day!

[Hulababy]

Some books:

Pete and Polo and the Nursery Adventure

My First Day at Nursery School

Maisie goes to playschool

[ninah]

sorry x-posted, No was to present
Glad she is settled now.

[flashingnose]

My ds used to stop crying about 30 seconds after I left (i started listening at the door)! Grrr...

[LOLLY32]

Thanks everybody feel reassured now. I think we underestimate how clever they are. My DD knows how to push the guilt button, wind-up button, love button and frustration button all at the same time!!!

[mumtosomeone]

how was she when she got home?

[LOLLY32]

She was fine and had been for most of the day, she had eaten. Same happened this morning only worse. She refused to eat her brekkie and said she wasn't going to eat her dinner at nursery. I didn't make a big thing about it and DH left her screaming again. Hope it doesn't go on for much longer.

[mumtosomeone]

how many days does she go?

[LOLLY32]

Its her last day today. She was pushing all the guilt buttons again this morning. Apparently she calms down within 5 minutes, but she was tearful at times yesterday because her friend was on holiday!! Dreading Monday coming around again!