hey kids, let me tell you a little secret, love Mum...

(311 Posts)
ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 28-Jul-13 16:16:16

I hear you, you hate carrots, they're yucky yucky yucky andyou never want to have them.

That cheesey mash I make that you love so much? It aint that colour cos of cheese. IIt's that colour because it's 50% carrot.

You always ask for seconds,

While I have your attention, that crazy frog toy didn't break. I took out the batteries before I went stark raving mad.

themidwife Thu 28-Nov-13 15:51:13

No those circular things on the ceiling with the little light aren't Santa Cams. They're smoke alarms. But it stopped you mid tantrum didn't it? smile

LindseyJM Thu 28-Nov-13 14:00:02

DS1, those uber skinny jeans you got last Christmas were actually from the girls section!! And those blocks of milk chocolate in the cupboard aren't really used for mummy's cooking, I just like to eat them without you bending my bloody ears all night!

FortyDoorsToNowhere Thu 21-Nov-13 04:01:10

These are too funny.

I do the counting thing, also the ice cream van thing.

Mummy special cereal isn't nothing special it's just the box I keep my nice chocolate in smile

M0naLisa Wed 20-Nov-13 23:38:37

That 'fish man' that comes
Down the street playing loud songs actually sells I've creams wink

meddie Wed 23-Oct-13 13:43:35

DS Billy the pasta shell didnt really turn into a pasta shell because he ate too much pasta. That piece of pasta I kept in the cupboard didnt warn you about the perils of excess consumption. Im just a good ventriloquist

Ds green mash doesnt come from green potatoes. It had peas in it.

You know that branded cereal you loved and would never eat anything else.it was Aldis own brand I just swapped the packets

DD There isnt a child eating monster in the cellar. See above for ventriloquist skills

Dd the burglar alarms arent spies for father xmas

Sonflar isnt the naughtiest swear word in the world .

flippingebay Tue 15-Oct-13 00:09:34

The flashing lights on the broadband hub isn't actually Father Christmas checking up on you

jonfp Tue 15-Oct-13 00:05:54

Dd, I wasn't in status quo before you were born. That man on my tour t shirt isn't me playing guitar with my friends when I was in a band, it's Francis Rossi.
Those YouTube videos I showed you that really impressed you weren't me either, I have no idea how to play a guitar, which is why I fumble about pretending to tune up your pink one until you get bored.
I fully intend to tell you about my little white lie soon, but your hero worship of daddy's band is just a little too good to let go of just yet.

furbaby Mon 14-Oct-13 23:01:16

Dd (25) Hill sheep are not real .... yes I know we said
they had 2 legs shorter than other 2 so they don, t roll off the hill and I know that you believed us when we had admitted it all was a lie when you were 18
But its not my fault that your boyfriend told you that we were double bluffing you and it was true .....
Really darling all sheep have same length legs even if they live on hills and now darling boyfriend is lying not mum and dad

skyeskyeskye Mon 14-Oct-13 22:34:37

DD, Marley dies, the film doesn't end where I stop it and I'm just like Phoebe's Grandmother

Also, that plastic dolls house that you saw in the charity shop that was "just like yours" and you wanted to buy it to keep at Nana's house....... Actually was yours .......

FBGirl Mon 14-Oct-13 22:28:13

Nobody ever eats more than 2 chocolate buttons at a time. 2 chocolate buttons is a massive amount of chocolate. Any more in one go and your teeth will go black and drop out. How many do I eat in one go? I have magic teeth that grow back.

ILoveDolly Mon 14-Oct-13 18:54:16

Some great wheezes here.
Children's TV shows don't air after 7pm, and no, you didnt read that they did on the planner, that was just a malfunction hmm
If you catch me in the pantry, chewing, I'm not eating chocolate at all, I was just checking my back teeth for holes.
Mummy and Daddy NEVER order Pizza after you've gone to bed.

Sod it, skin should have been batter!

Speaking as my 41 year old self that recently discovered that the special soup that my mum used to make me if I was good was actually a liquidised version of the liver, mashed potato and peas that everyone else was eating, on behalf of your children I would like to say, You Bastards!

Thank you and good night.

Oh, and dd1, the skin on your fish shop cod doesn't have to be peeled off before you eat it, it's just too nice for you so I eat it in the kitchen when you've gone to bed smile

ShakeAndVac Tue 10-Sep-13 00:28:16

I haven't let you stayed up really really late I keep emergency episodes of the bedtime hour recorded and put them on early, you're actually going to bed early.

GENIUS. grin

Anyway, DS? You're really really tired and fighting sleep and you're off to bed early.
What's that, you're refusing? <quickly puts all clocks forward an hour when he's not looking>
Oh look, it's bedtime now!

Can't get away with that anymore, he's got wiser and older (cries)

M0naLisa Tue 06-Aug-13 00:55:30

Yes DS2 that is the fish man who plays the music - shame he found out it's actually the ice cream man and he isn't playing the music to let you know he's sold out!

Sorry only just stumbled across the thread...

... A carrot on a stick isn't a lolly...or a treat...

(Still get away with it and the DCs are 9 and 6! They don't call it a lolly now though!)

brainwashed Fri 02-Aug-13 17:03:26

The food from a rather well known fast food chain isn't p really poisonous....they believed that one for ages!!

Kendodd Thu 01-Aug-13 14:52:24

Those people working in the supermarket, the ones with headphones on, they're not really checking all the children are being good.

hellsbells76 Thu 01-Aug-13 14:46:20

Nonono my parents did it twice (Christmas '75 and Valentines Day '79) and neither my sister nor I will be persuaded otherwise. And dad's 1980 vasectomy proves NOTHING.

saffronwblue Thu 01-Aug-13 00:07:23

Dear DC- Your Dad and I have had sex on more than the two occasions of conceiving you!

TiredFeet Wed 31-Jul-13 18:58:12

Ds your eczema creams don't also happen to have magic dragon/ monster/ shark scaring away powers

BikeRunSki Wed 31-Jul-13 16:25:43

Lol at 5madthings!
4 yo DS recently told me "Mummy, you know, they don' t actually make poisonous ice cream".

MrsPennyapple Wed 31-Jul-13 09:37:06

MIL: When I ask you to have DD overnight, and you unfailingly suggest midweek, and I insist it needs to be on the weekend? It's not so that your son and I can go out for a drink in the evening, it's so we can stay in bed shagging the following morning.

LisaMWill Wed 31-Jul-13 08:24:52

The park isn't really closed when it's raining

pollywollydoodle Wed 31-Jul-13 07:09:40

and me and your dad aren't actually napping. grin

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