fecking animals are driving me nuts and i am going to kill them all

(219 Posts)
TeggieCampbeggBlegg Tue 26-Mar-13 08:39:12

cat. In and out and in and out and in and out and in and out and food food food food food.

BigDog. Follow cat and breathe and pant and herd and pant and bark and herd and breathe and bark.

SmallDog. When not shagging the cat wilk not leave BigDog alone. Nose up arse and lick and lick and yap and yap snd lick snd sniff and luck and sniff.

All. The. Fucking. Time. Round. And. Round. And. Round. In. Circles.

I no longer love them. In fact I hate them all.

almostanotherday Tue 26-Mar-13 09:20:08

Mud! Dog + Mud = Aaaaaargh

MuchBrighterNow Tue 26-Mar-13 09:23:01

My dog is such an emotional guilt trip... he's incredibly sensitive and can't stand raised voices. he cowers by the toilet sad

He should be living with an old granny instead of a house full of shouty teenage boys

Iatemyskinnyperson Tue 26-Mar-13 09:23:11

Oh so glad I read this. Dog follows me round everywhere with sheepish neediness. Does he adore me? Does he arse, he's a hungry fecker. All he wants is to eat all the food, while ignoring the premium-brand expensive stuff in his bowl.

He drives me batshit. If I put him out, he'll bark and whine at the windows to get back in. I think I like him 10% of the time.

GetOeuf Tue 26-Mar-13 09:24:39

One of my cats pisses in the bathroom sink.

Waits until you are on the loo, then come and sits in the sink next to you and happily puddles whilst staring in a blissed out manner. Bloody oddball. I am tempted to spray her with Mr Muscle.

RobbinyoureastereggsSparkles Tue 26-Mar-13 09:24:48

Poor animals sad

I would re-home them if I were you. They deserve to be with owners that love them and give them a happy home. Someone ought to report you lot to the RSPCA. angry

I'm teasing! wink

Iatemyskinnyperson Tue 26-Mar-13 09:29:35

Oh oh! And another one!! We had a cat who got poisoned last year. But before he got his wings he caught and ate THE EARS off a baby rabbit, shock He picked the patio for this horror show. Kids were traumatised for weeks.

As the poor rabbit was still alive I had to chase off the cat, and was faced with the dilemma of what to do with the shrieking earless baby bunny. I bottled it & called a neighbour (I live in the country in case you can't guess!).

coffeeinbed Tue 26-Mar-13 09:33:37

Bloody dog is already moulting!
WTF?
It's freezing out, why is he moulting?
Bastard animals.

stopfightingandtidyupthismess Tue 26-Mar-13 09:36:43

I'm always impressed at the lengths birds will go to to escape my cats. Flying up the waste pipe covering and appearing in the bathroom when I open up the hatch to track down the fluttering noise (YAAAAHHHH!) Hiding behind the washing machine and dying tucked up in the motor. Hiding behind the utility door (fooled my DH, but not the cats!) Flying around the kitchen and crapping on all the surfaces in a bid to play keepaway.

Birds. I definitely prefer them outside flying about, not inside my house crapping everywhere and shedding feathers.

GetOeuf Tue 26-Mar-13 09:38:21

One of the best names on here is a mumsnet tear called 'mycatisabastard'

GetOeuf Tue 26-Mar-13 09:38:39

Mumsnetter not mumsnet tear

duchesse Tue 26-Mar-13 09:41:51

I so agree with you OP. Was going to start similar thread yesterday as I vacuumed up in places I'd already vacuumed that bloody day. There are dust/hair bunnies everywhere in my flipping house, splash marks where the bloody 2 yo dog bounces back in from the garden with a muddy tail and paws, torn up dog beds (the 2 yo again), a bad smell and deafening snoring (the 13 yo dog), sodding miaowing cat trying to kill me by tripping my up about 6-7 times a day or whenever he decides it's time for another smackerel of something. They are doing my head in. If I put them out in the garden, the dogs go off visiting every other house in the village, even arthritic I-can-barely-get-out-my-bed-feel-sorry-for-me 13 yo buggers off whenever he gets the chance. As soon as I go to the kitchen to make a hot drink, they lie behind me hoping to be fed. Everything in this fucking house expects me to feed it all the time.

Am seriously, seriously considering having an outdoor enclosure for the dogs for the daytime, so at least I can a bit of a break from them.

OhChristHasRisenFENTON Tue 26-Mar-13 09:45:26

moult moult moult mud mud mud lick lick scratch scratch moult moult moult mud mud beg moult moult moult scratch moult chase beg moult mud

It's not a good time for pets, is it?

ClaimedByMe Tue 26-Mar-13 09:45:34

We have 3 bastard cats, they are in and out and in and out and in and out all bloody day long, only one cat can enter or exit the door at the time so you by the time sit down after letting a cat in/out another wails/paws a door/picks a carpet so you have to get up again, sometimes I think I could cry!

The dog at the moment is quite happily sitting in front of the telly totally engrossed......in nothing, the fecking telly off, it is a black screen!!!

BarbaraRoberts Tue 26-Mar-13 09:47:32

My dog lounges around snoring all bloody day and groans if I turn on the Hoover or the machine goes on fast spin.

Lazy fecker.

youmaycallmeSSP Tue 26-Mar-13 09:51:01

Thank you for reminding me why I will never, ever have a pet that's any harder work than a goldfish.

saycheeeeeese Tue 26-Mar-13 09:51:39

This is why I stopped at cats. ..think a dog would send me over the edge!

The cat - in and out, in and out ALL night up and down up and down, climbing the door frames and slding down commando style...the back out and then back in. If I lock her in or out she howls.

The rats - bang, crash all night long in their massive cage chasing each other ans secretly post all their bedding out through the bars....

But we love them really - I think these are all signs of happy animals.

WhatAGoat Tue 26-Mar-13 09:56:52

I feel everyone's pain stupid dog is actually sitting looking at me whinging for a treat but I am not getting up as the baby is napping. If I move a leg he jumps up and circles. I'm just moving my leg!!! Stupid cat cries constantly for food at 3am she is old now though and blind and deaf so has no clue about life confused

Hattifattner Tue 26-Mar-13 09:57:23

Dog: 2 and a half hours out in the woods off lead (we got lost... blush ) and you come home and DIG UP MY GARDEN in the 25 minutes I was fetching the kids. Bitch.

Cat 1: 10 minutes to get through the cat flap at night. WHy?

Cat 2: In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

MsFlippingHeck Tue 26-Mar-13 10:37:33

I hate the dog. There I said it.

Mud fur slobber blood. Knocking the baby in the face, knocking the toddler over, licking the babies hand while he's got it hanging over the high chair tray. Stealing the toddlers food, barking and waking the baby, climbing in the sofa.

Always on edge watching following getting under my feet. Argh

Manchesterhistorygirl Tue 26-Mar-13 10:46:55

Thank god for this thread. I hate my dogs, hate them I tell you.

Senior dog always shadowing me and making me fall over him, but to be fair he does like being a lazy arse and lieing on the sofa all day.

Junior dog is a prat. He only likes his family and has to be convinced to speak to others without silly yapping barking when at home. Out and about? Best dog ever, oh hello new person wag, wag, wag. Prat.

Cats ok she's content to be in or out and isn't demanding at all, so that suits me.

Sheshelob Tue 26-Mar-13 10:55:20

This.

Dog: Arse. Lick. Arse. Lick. Quiver. Scrounge. Lick. Lick. Lick. Door. Door. Door. Scream (not bark) at Hoover. Scream (not bark) in public when lead is put on. Deep-thoat treat bone too fast. Spew bone foam all over bed. Slurp up bone foam like manna from heaven.

Hateful creature.

wildfig Tue 26-Mar-13 11:01:20

You need hounds. So far today it's been sleep pee food food sleep BARK AT BUILDERS sleep sleep. I will try, once again, to take them out for a walk this afternoon but it's so bollock-wizeningly cold here that for the past couple of days i've gone 600m out of the house to discover they've gone 500m, and are staging a baleful sit-in at the bottom of the hill.

Wouldn't mind the cold so much if it would freeze the effing mud. Sigh.

I often think about getting a moggy to deal with any mice but then tales like the bunny torturer put me off...

We had our big hairy bastard dog put to sleep last week (she was ill, it wasn't just because I hated her). I'm ashamed to admit it, but good god, the relief! My house is so tidy - no foot high layer of hair rolling around the floor the second I've hoovered! However in a last act of annoyance the vet bill was £159. No wonder the vets sent us a condolence card.

One down, two to go...

Sheshelob You've just described my yorkie to a T...except you missed out the pissing up the open back door/on the clean washing pile/on my pillow. Bastard.

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