Odd thing you've done, and then thought 'WTF did I do that?!'

(280 Posts)

I once found a white disc in the washing machine after a load had finished. Couldn't for the life of me work out what it was. So I licked it. Turns out it was a lemon scented bleach block for the toilet cistern. I'd scooped up the packet with the dirty washing. I don't usually lick random objects. It tasted a bit lemony, and not particularly fatal in case you were wondering.

Roobix04 Wed 20-Aug-14 01:35:10

I'm shaking with silent laughter trying not to wake up four month old dd in the crib next to me!
My mum was redecorating her hallway and I was helping look at sample books. I'd finished with one and asked her to pass me the deluxe one. Wasn't until I saw the look on my dp and my mum's face that I realised I'd said durex!
Also was at my mum's once with my sister her dp and my dp. I saw a pair of seamless knickers on the radiator and I wanted to know if they were any good at hiding vpl so I piped up with "Mum are these your crotchless knickers?" She looked horrified for a second before everyone fell about laughing! I'll never live that one down!
Just realised that I look like I'm obsessed with sex!

Ohhelpohnoitsa Wed 25-Jun-14 23:31:12

I just typed up mine but deleted it as I am STILL too mortified to share. Will read tomorrow as I am laughing out loud and will wake everyone up at this rate!??

ThePearShapedToad Wed 25-Jun-14 23:07:25

I've only just realised (yesterday) that kanga and roo from winne the pooh were so called because they were.... Kangaroos

blush

I'm in my 30's for petes sakes. How have I only just realised this??!

smokedgarlic Wed 25-Jun-14 22:27:01

At Westfield shopping centre my husband handed me the parking token which I inexplicably popped into my mouth and attempted to swallow

On the phone the other week to organise a meeting
I was half listening, and half writing something on the PC.
The woman I was sort of listening to said something about being able to move an appointment forward for me. I went to say "Thankyou" but for some reason my brain wanted me to say "Well done" I ended up saying, "Well, FANCY THAT" in a rather overly enthusiastic tone. Mumbled something about someone being at the door and quickly hung up.

LadyHarrietdeSpook Sun 01-Jun-14 23:18:05

Oh yes. Called the hair dresser to make an appointment one time when we were visiting DH's hometown. "Anyone available for a quick blow job today?" Meant blow dry. smile

flixybelle Sun 01-Jun-14 19:53:25

THis thread is great!
Mine :Spent 10 minutes trying to get in my car but the key wouldn't turn had a similar problem the week before so I was unimpressed it hadn't been fixed. I rang the AA started complaining that they had been out the week before and I was not happy etc etc they asked for licence plate which I couldn't remember went round the front and reliased it wasn't my car, my car was 2 cars back. So I said oh it's working now and hung up!

Also walked home from work on more than one occasion and then called dh in a flap cos car had been stolen to them remember driving to work that morning!

Not me but my mother, we were on a night out she got a little tipsy and as we were leaving some lads (about 20ish) were sliding down the banister of the stairs in the bar. Being my mother she started telling them off saying it was v dangerous they could hurt themselves. She then proceeded to take one step and fall down the full flight of stairs!!!

GerardWay123 Sat 31-May-14 23:14:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILikeWarmHugs Thu 29-May-14 18:25:33

Last year I posted my dad's Father's Day card into the post box. As it slipped from my fingers I realised it just said 'Dad'. I hadn't written his address or even his name! I had put on a stamp though!? I felt like such an idiot.

soapybubbles123 Mon 03-Mar-14 18:45:12

I frequently forget how old I am and really have to think about it before I come up with the correct answer.

At uni I decided to test whether the hob was working by touching it, I turned my entire palm into a huge blister.

Also, not me but a colleague who burst out of a cubicle at work screaming the place down. As we were in ITU I assumed that the patient had literally exploded or something, turns out my colleague had seen a spider.

formerbabe Wed 22-Jan-14 17:40:46

When I was 22 I went to buy a bottle of wine. The man serving me asked how old I was? I replied back '18'! He then asked to see my id which he looked at and realised I was 22...he stared at me like I was crazy!

killpeppa Mon 04-Nov-13 15:02:47

I once was I was I. the phone to the mobile phone company, they asked me to confirm my number so I did, they told me that it was wrong, so I said again, this went in for a while and ended up with me giving the poor guy on the other end of the phone a bollocking because he was wrong-

turns out I was telling him my exHs numberblush

TruthSweet Mon 04-Nov-13 05:25:19

I was on the phone to my brother, merrily chatting awayaway, when I picked up my drink (a pint of limeade), opened a drawer full of important paperwork and poured the whole glass of bright green drink in confused

Howstricks Sun 03-Nov-13 23:50:44

Rediscovered this thread and crying laughing. Running my own business from home if i get phone calls and i'm a bit busy i've pretend i'm not there and ask them to call later when 'i'm ' back if you see what i mean! (Trouble is i have a very distinctive voice so end up trying to put on an accent with the kids looking at me open mouthed when people call back)...So..answered the door last week to local ad mag chap who asked to speak to 'Howstricks' , I wasn't in the mood so using my phone trick said 'she' was out. Dh answers the door to the same chap an hour or so later and calls me over...to make it worse in order to cover up my embarrassment i tried to pretend i was my own sister (wearing the same clothes!!!) and speak in a completely different voice..ad man and dh were hmm

theimposter Wed 30-Oct-13 01:55:56

Not me but my ex... When I was at uni in halls he came to stay for the weekend. I'd explained about the key cards for our doors and if he needed to go for a wee in the night to take the card or stuff a jumper in the doorway to stop the door shutting. We'd both had a few (lot of) drinks (meaning I will be near impossible to wake up) and I was finally awoken by the light going on and my ex standing there in his boxers with a female security guard. Apparently he'd tried to wake me up for half an hour after locking himself out (idiot...) and had to walk 5 minutes in the frost in just his pants up to the gatehouse to ask someone to let him back in... I was definitely WTF is going on?! Hall mates found it hilarious!

LittleAprilShowers Wed 23-Oct-13 17:00:56

The bum kick story has had me in stitches!!

A few years ago I went to a gym where my best friend and her mum went also. If I ever forgot my gym pass I just quoted the receptionist my 6 digit membership number which I'd memorised.

One day I was with my friends mum in a body combat class and we were talking about a party we'd been invited to. She asked me how I was getting there, and I don't know if the workout had just shrunk my brain cells or if id been having a bad day, but rather than say "taxi" I said "083464" (my membership number). What's more I didn't even explain myself I just stared at her as if I expected to her to decipher a weird code. God knows what she thought but I must have freaked her out as she just said "O.....K then."

I walked away wondering WTF I said that for and why I didn't correct myself afterwards.

She's still my friend and we laugh about it now!

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes Sun 13-Oct-13 21:28:11

Great thread! happiest - you have reminded me of a similar one. I went for my first and only fake tan just before my wedding. Also had to put on paper knickers. Not having worn a thong in many years, I put the pants on as I would normally: bigger bit at the back, smaller bit at the front. Did wonder why the back didn't cover my bum properly and wtf was going on with the silly little bit at the front. Also felt a tad embarrassed that my bikini line was not styled a little more er...severely. It was only afterwards that I realised that I'd put a thong on back to front. The beautician was very professional and didn't bat an eyelid, bless her.

Rowlers Sat 12-Oct-13 21:25:04

I phoned a local garage for a quote to fix my car. Polite, formal conversation, nothing unusual. I ended by saying "thanks very much, bye, love you"

Happiestinwellybobs Sat 12-Oct-13 19:46:43

Oops!

"Put on the paper knickers and lie on the couch" the beautician instructed. There was a towel on the bed and another on top. As I was there to get an all over tan and I rolled the second towel up as put it under my head. So she walked in to see my arse !! - completely naked, bar a black paper thong!!

She shrieked and suggested I put the second towel over my arse! blush

Happiestinwellybobs Sat 12-Oct-13 19:43:44

My first ever fake tan - I was having one where they exfoliate you and apply it all by hand. "Put

bzoo Sat 12-Oct-13 19:29:08

I used to work in car insurance. My friend was insured by us. I had just returned from the McDs supper run and thought I saw friends car outside.

So I walked in carrying McDs for 5 with no spare hand I kicked my friend up the bum. The look of horror on both his and my face when I realised I had just kicked a random guy taking out an insurance policy up the bum.......

I have no idea why I kicked him up the bum. I've never greeted a friend in such a way before.... Or since!!

Fannycraddock79 Sat 12-Oct-13 19:13:49

Not me (although I can be stupid), dh wanted to make a cake one day (yes, i know!) so we made a lemon drizzle cake, he wanted to me involved and so I tried to take a backseat, told him to "fold in the lemon zest" and turned away to weigh something out only to turn back and shout "wtf are you doing????", turns out he had got 'folding in' and 'kneading' confused and I then had to scrape gobs of cake batter off his hands-d*ck!

JustKate Thu 10-Oct-13 22:19:28

These are hilarious! I've been lurking for a while but had to create an account for this thread. 'Nein' & throwing yourself downstairs had me in stitches.

My own confession:
I was a temp at an agency in my 20s, answering phones, general admin. One of the companies I worked for was called "Henry Foote & Partners" and when we picked up the phones we had to say "Good morning/afternoon, Henry Foote & Partners, how can I help you?" You'd think that'd be hard to get wrong, but I did.

"Good afternoon, Henry's Partner's Foot..."
blush

comingalongnicely Thu 26-Sep-13 16:37:03

Also remember the humiliation of calling a teacher "mum" in front of the whole class at age 15.....

comingalongnicely Thu 26-Sep-13 16:34:31

We were on holiday at the seaside last year, just got our icecreams. As we walked off I looked down & saw a white dribble on my hand. Lifted it to my face & licked the warm seagull poo off.
Fishy Fishy Fishy!!!

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