So, we're getting married, best ways to irritate all our guests here please

(501 Posts)
Madascheese Sat 18-Sep-10 06:02:37

Well DP pitched up with a very pretty bit of jewellery yesterday and proposed! How excited am I?

Wow congratulations! When are you thinking of?

Erm...wedding day tips...let me think. Make sure all the speeches contain slightly smutty in jokes that 90% of your guests won't understand and so will have to smile politely while thinking WTF??

echt Sat 18-Sep-10 06:26:49

Ludicrous dress regulations. I'm thinking clown suits, gorilla costumes.

savoycabbage Sat 18-Sep-10 06:27:12

Congratulations!

Insist that everyone wears clothes form your chosen colour palette.

echt Sat 18-Sep-10 06:28:54

Savoy's idea is better, as it annoys more people.

charmander Sat 18-Sep-10 06:39:25

Inist everyone travels half way round the world to attend for a week with no children.

Madascheese Sat 18-Sep-10 06:58:59

all excellent suggestions so far, but I'm looking to do this properly - I figure it's the way to find out who I know on here in r/l grin

Thanks by the way, we're looking at early summer - probably June - lovely DP proposing with a let's get married in six month attitiude not 'lets get engaged and see how it goes'

am a very very happy person

KorrallKrabba Sat 18-Sep-10 07:13:25

Great question! And congratulations.

Children very unwelcome, and then allow a handful of random LOs have very centre stage role, that's a real winner.

Photos that take all afternoon, with b + g spirited away to mystery locations for 3 hours for soft focus shots

Keep everyone outside in heat with either no drinks, or rubbish warm drinks and no food for extended photo session period

Ipod DJ with exclusively speed metal playlist

High-maintenance gift list from obscure store with no online shopping

Oh that's lovely

No, I have never understood people who "get engaged" rather than plan to get married (unless there's a specific reason they can't start planning straight away). When DH proposed i thought he would do that, but he said we had to go ring shopping the next day, we told parents on the way back and thst led to date planning almost immediately

5inthebed Sat 18-Sep-10 07:28:38

Congratulations.

Might I suggest the locations you get married, have your wedding and have your night time reception all be at least 5 miles apart for that extra inconvenience to your guests.

5inthebed Sat 18-Sep-10 07:29:20

That shoul read...have your wedding breakfast.....

onimolap Sat 18-Sep-10 07:36:08

Do practice an autocratic voice to boss around all and sundry. Expect your bridesmaids to pay in full for outfits they loathe, insist they wear shoes that make their feet bleed, and at 11th hour demand they buy special hair clips at £59. This of course is in addition to demanding a shower, and a hen week (£500+ a head).

Order you mother to make certain of the arrangements, then criticize them regularly and publicly

Sleep with best man...

Alicetheinvisible Sat 18-Sep-10 07:36:13

Staged wedding dance! The Macarena perhaps? grin

Congratulations smile

bigchris Sat 18-Sep-10 07:39:02

Make sure the ceremony, wedding breakfast and evening do are all in separate venues and miles apart with no parking so that everyone gets pissed off with all the driving and can't drink and can't park grin
congrats!

MrsDinky Sat 18-Sep-10 07:44:20

Make all the guests sit with complete strangers with whom they have nothing in common at the wedding breakfast.

Alicetheinvisible Sat 18-Sep-10 07:49:09

Yes, and split up partners and families too

bamboo Sat 18-Sep-10 08:01:49

Congratulations smile.

If having a wedding list from an obscure, expensive London shop doesn't appeal simply insert dreadful witty poem inside the invitations asking for the cash instead in order to fulfil your lifelong ambition to stay in a suite at the Bellagio in Las Vegas.

KaraStarbuckThrace Sat 18-Sep-10 08:03:13

Invite the exw of your best man so he can humiliate her and embarrass everyone else by making snide remarks about her in your speech.

Get married 200 miles away from the reception venue, so you spend the day travelling with 2 children for hours and hours.

Invite children, but only to the photo shoot. Make it clear that they are not welcome at the wedding or the reception.

Invite a friend who you know will have a tiny newborn at the wedding. Refuse to allow her to bring tiny newborn. Have a hissy fit when friend politely declines to come and cross her off your list of bridesmaids.

grin

Congratulations Madascheese btw!!! Don't worry MN will cure you of any Bridezilla tnedencies wink

Fill you wedding invitations with a huge handful of glitter & sequins, so that when the envelope is opened it sprays everywhere and the recipient is poking bits of it out from between the floorboards for months after [bitter experience emoticon]

congratulations btw! grin

going Sat 18-Sep-10 08:27:23

Congratulations!!!

Have plenty of booze for the top table, one bttle of wine per six for everyone else and no bar!

MrsDinky Sat 18-Sep-10 08:29:34

Also, pick hymns no one has ever heard of. Congrats btw.

Madascheese Sat 18-Sep-10 08:44:50

Thanks all of you these are lovely

<making notes emoticon>

do keep them coming.

At what point do I have a GIGANTIC falling out with my whole family and swear never to speak to any of them again?

Was there something about forcing guests to keep their children in cupboards?

And the Hen Night? I was thinking of insisting 50 or so of my random acquaintances are forced to pay £3000 each for a 5 day cruise and have to have painful immunisations beforehand?

Panzee Sat 18-Sep-10 08:46:57

Send invitations with two tiny squares of material with no explanation. wink

Mbear Sat 18-Sep-10 08:48:37

Please serve food that looks as if it should/could/might be warm, but is actually stone cold. Yum yum.

Congratulations!

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