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mine and emily's fight

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stareyes · 17/10/2010 14:31

During my pregnancy I bled almost every other week up untill around half way through my second trimester. I had many scans and was each time told that they couldn't find anything wrong. On my 20 week scan I was scared as the lady told me that she thought the cord was in the wrong place but then decided it was not.

During the rest of my pregnancy I had a lot of family issues to deal with and went down with pre natal depression, my midwife at that time became very condescending and i hated going to see.

I went into labour on the friday 22nd january, at nearly 42 weeks pregnant. around 9pm i went into hospital to be told she could not find a heartbeat we waited for what seemed like forever to be scanned. we were told "THERE IS NO FETAL HEARTBEAT"

I was taken to a private ward in the maternity unit. I was extremely lucky they had a room available as many other women have had to give birth in a ward with newborn babies crying all around them.

Throughout my labour i was treated well by the staff. As I was in so much pain the staff wanted to give me pain relied but I told the staff that I had an extremely low tolerance to morphine which is what they wanted to give me. I was told that an anesthetist would have to authorize the pain relief and they would contact them immediately. I waited ages and both my husband and mother repeatedly asked for pain relief to be administered but no one came. Eventually I was given paracetamol followed a while later by a pain relief injection. I was told that there had been a delay as the required pain relief was not available in the unit. They eventually decided that I could use the gas and air which had been available in the room the whole time. It took only few mins for them to arrange this. I was then fitted with an epidural.
After this I went downhill rapidly my blood pressure dropped suddenly and there was concern for my safety. I was given something that made me come around very quickly. My mother was aware of this but as I had forced my husband to go and get some food as we hadn't eaten for over 12 hours by then ,he wasn?t told by the staff. (about which he is extremely annoyed as he has my duty of care).

I gave birth at 20:40 to a amazing little girl called Emily Grace Kitchingman. when she was born the cord was around her neck twice so we think that was the most likely cause of death. We did not ask for a post Morton as we personally didn't want the body disturbed, and wanted her to keep some dignity. The midwives took Emily away for a few mins where she was dressed in a cardigan and put in a lovely moses basket.
We were left with Emily all night, I held her in my arms throughout this with my husband either at my side or sleeping on the sofa in the room. Staff came in to check on me regularly but kept telling me i had to put her down as I may drop her. I was tired but i would never have dropped her. One nurse came in and told me I had to stop rocking her as Emily had blood coming out of her nose. The way she said it was really horrible. I felt like I wasn't allowed to hold my own daughter, I knew I would never be able to hold her again. My mother asked if there was any form of bereavement counseling available and was told that someone would be in touch before I left the hospital. No-one came. The hospital was contacted again a few days later and asked what had happened to the counseling and we were told that there was a long waiting list.

The next day I went home, I was given a few leaflets about sands and a copy of her foot prints and handprints, with her hospital bracelet. I saw a midwife on the Monday. she was lovely and was really understanding and helpful. she saw us a few times after. we were told that a health visitor would be around at some point in the next few days but they never turned up. Iwas sent a blood bag through the post with no letter or anything explaining why. I spoke to my midwife and she told me it must be for some sort of appointment and that as I was so scared of going to the hospital as it had too many memories I could have my bloods done at the doctor. when i went to see the nurse at my local doctor she was confused about which top bottle to put the blood in and called the hospital to check. they told me i had actually had an appointment which i had missed at the hospital, the nurse asked what the code was on the bag i was sent and she was told that was my appointment. The nurse was lovely to me as she had lost a child herself and told the hospital that she did not want me going up there as it would be devastating to my mental health. The hospital finally agreed to let her take the bloods and we would have to get someone to drop them off straight away to the hospital. which my husband agreed to reluctantly.

I had to see my doctor for an appointment to get more medicine, at which I told him that I had never been given an 6 week appointment which I had called in to check but was told they would contact me. He ran through a few things and said thats all they would ask. I was still annoyed that I seemed to have been missed by the system I am still a mother even if my little angel was not on this earth.


A few weeks later I received an aftercare letter containing an appointment. this was standardized even saying if i need to have an operation i would be seeing another person and it could take up few hours longer. when i arrived i was made to sit right by the early pregnancy unit, with all the pregnant women walking past me. I was made to wait at least an hour and a half. When we got into the room to finally see the doctor i was told i hadn?t needed to come as the appointment was only for us to ask any questions. i was so upset i was crying my eyes out and it really hit me hard.

Afterward i went onto the internet and joined a few groups via facebook, sands and sweet dreams our angels. i was told so many stories of bad treatment from ladies being ignored to them having to give birth in labour wards with crying babies next door to ladies having to give birth over buckets/bedpans. it really hit me hard how many people out there are suffering at the hands of inconsiderate medical staff.

I?m currently 18 weeks pregnant with my second child and have had to deal with people not reading my notes therefore being unaware of the past history and asking me questions which are causing me deep distress.

No virus found in this incoming message.


SO IV DECIDED

am trying to make the medical profession have more consideration to the families of angel babies. It is hard enough to give birth to a baby with no life signs or lose a child at a young age, without having to cope with staff who have little or no consideration to our feelings.

The stories i have heard are truly horrific. I have been sent emails from many parents or close friends describing incidents from mothers being ignored all day to being made to give birth over a bucket. These stories have urged me to start this campaign to make a real difference to all future families that experience their worst nightmare becoming true.

Here is a list of things we would like to change:

Non standardized letters sent out

Mothers not to have to wait in or near maternity units when having their after care appointments.

Where ever possible to have separate or sound proof rooms for delivery of our angels

Different coloured or a cleared way to distinguish our notes to show our loses. so we don't have to face nurses not reading our notes properly or missing key factors.

Staff members to READ our notes

Not to be made to give birth over bed pans (no matter how small the baby is).

For photos to be taken by the hospital in every occasion and to be kept at least a year to give the chance for all parents to change there mind whether or not they want them.

A list of wants written pre-delivery i.e to give the chance for families to get the parents cameras or something to dress the angel babies in.

To have letters sent out to make parents aware when the post Morton results are back

Offers of counseling to all parents

Staff to be better trained to deal with parents and angel babies so they are more sympathetic

To have clearer definitions of loss, not just miscarriage , still birth etc

For any baby with the chance of life signs at birth to be called viable (or something similar).

For staff to sit and talk to parents after any loss whether it be from miscarriage to sudden infant death (SIDs).


I have set up a facebook page that has gained nearly 400 members already (in just over a week) it is titled A PETITION FOR MORE CONSIDERATION FOR ANGEL FAMILIES or sign on www.petition.co.uk/-petition-for-more-consideration-for-angel-families
I intend to keep gathering stories support from people until i have enough to send to Parliament.

I would like to thankyou for your time in reading this email and hope you will cover this campaign. IT IS TIME FOR A CHANGE i hope i can count on you for your support.

Many thanks
Rachel Kitchingman

[email protected]

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