Coping with playdates when you have 3 under 3!!!!

[MilaMae]

I have 3 year old twins and a 2 year old and most of my friends have only the one child. I'm really finding going out to playparks or other people's houses on playdates hard lately as we seem to be such a rabble in comparisson. My kids are your normal 2 and 3 year olds not spiteful or unkind but quite vocal and at various levels of the pushing the boundaries stage. By the time I get my lot out of the car into hats, gloves etc everybody else is getting a bit tired of waiting for us. I then always seem to be dealing with some kind of altercation, 1 wanting to be carried, 1 wanting to be out of the pushchair, 1 in etc,etc. Tears are often involved(not mine-yet) and the whole experience seems pretty fraught. It's getting to the stage when I dread invites as it doesn't seem so embarrassing when you're coping with it all on your own. I know it shouldn't let it get to me but it does as I know they're good kids, they just have to cope with sharing mummy and endless waiting for my attention. A couple of my friends have even started doing things separately as 1 said it was easier-yes it did hurt my feelings!!! Does anyone else experience this and if so how do you cope with it???

[fennel]

I did have this sort of experience, with 3 in 4 years. I tended to make friends with others with 3 children and hang out with them, all in similar states of slow-moving chaos. I did have a phase of avoiding friends with one child when I had all 3 to myself, partly because I was rather jealous of them and they were meanwhile jealous of me!

Soft play areas (enclosed, fairly secure) used to work quite well with 3 small children (I used to get the cheaper childminder rate for having 3 children!)

[fennel]

Do you have a local twin group? I haven't been to one, not having twins, but they might be good for meeting people with more children experiencing this sort of thing.

[AshNotTheHousewaresOne]

being a SAHD (of 2 1/2 yr old twins and a 7 month old) you get the opposite, most of the mums down the park steer clear of you!....its a bit easier with the wee fella being so young at the mo' cos he's in his buggy whilst the girls play, but i find it easier to go to parks etc. when i know its not too busy, that way you've kinda got the place to yourself! I also find that rather than planned outings, nice walks out (and a quick round the block!) are as lovely as trips to softplay etc!

[christie1]

I was going to suggest the same as fennel, try playdates with people also with larger families. I had 4 under 5 at one time and prefered doing most things without other people or come to the playground on my own and leave when I needed to. I also mixed with a friend who had 3 under 5 so the noise and mess didn't bother her. I also found it a safety issue as if I went with someone who didn't have alot of kids to watch, they expected alot of converstaion and I had to keep my eyes peeled all the time. Someone also wathcing alot of kids knows the conversation will be interupted often.
We are much more forgiving. In fact, we actually help each other out because we know how hard it is. Other than that, just learn to ignore them, hard I know sometimes but you are working hard and they need to be more helpful. If you feel really bad you should turn them down and dont' feel guilty about doing stuff on your own with your kids. If it isn't fun for you or the kids and you end up more stressed and frazzled, not workth it.

[magicstaronthefarawaytree]

I had exactly the same problem and still do to some extent - 3 under three (no multiples either) I would agree with everyone here that in the main those with three or more are much more relaxed. I found that the quieter times at the soft place area much less stressful. also I did lots of home entertaining, also less stressful. I too was really disappointed with the reaction of some of my friends, though a couple did apologies once they had two children. spend you time with the friends you want to keep in whatever is the least stressful environment but do try to meet people with 3 or more it is like a revelation.

[magicstaronthefarawaytree]

get a season ticket to the safari when they get older 3+ - must have been at least 8 times last year. fantastic for those days when you feel like calling a social worker!

[MilaMae]

So glad I'm not just being super sensitive and others have experienced this. Also glad to hear others find holding a conversation hard whilst keeping an eye on 3 active kids. Was starting to doubt my parenting abilities as everybody else seem to find it all so easy. Kind of suspected I should start doing my own thing as to be honest my lot seem to prefer it but I do crave other adult conversation. Would love to meet other mums of 2 or more but there just doesn't seem to be many around. Think the twins club needs investigating, anybody know if you can go to those with your singleton as my twins are at pre-school when it's on? Many thanks for your replies.

[fennel]

Could you try new toddler groups to find more parents-of-more-than-one? Or perhaps check out the other parents at the pre-school gates.

I try never to compare myself to parents of one, it's a different universe, and I am always left feeling inadequate - of course with 3 you can't do nearly as much as with one, or even two.

[nearlyfourbob]

I have one 3 year old, my friend has 2 the same age and an almost 2 year old. I tend to go to their house a lot because it is a lot of hassle for my friend to get everyone in the car and over to my place.

Her ds and my ds get on well, and so I do take just the boy out with my ds, which gives her time with her girls. Or I might have the twins around to play while she goes shopping. I haven't looked after all of them at once - but I would if she asked me to.

It does sound as if you need a multiple birth playgroup though.

[marymillington]

don't your parents of one help at all? miseries. you'd think they'd give you a hand then everyone would get going quicker.

i've only one lo at the moment (with dc2 imminent), but just another suggestion - local museums or galleries. ours have turned out to be to be utterly brilliant for small children, very secure, loads of activities, good catering and free. there are often other parents to get chatting with there too.

hopefully things will get a bit easier for trips out when the weather's better and the little ones are a bit more self-sufficient, which won't be long....

[nearlyfourbob]

My recent research suggested that the people more likely to help in group situations are mothers with twins and another child. It's not scienfically proven at this stage (by me anyway). I'm going to do more work in the area soon.

I think it's partly that a mother of a singleton is not used to splitting her attention and doesn't notice that you need help, or a politeness when she notices you not coping but hopes you don't notice that she has noticed.

You shouldn't have to cope with it though if you ask politely and specifically for help "please could you put Luke's gloves on for me, while I put up Jamie's pushchair."

[fennel]

That's intersting, nearlyfourbob.

I get more help from friends who are mothers of several than mothers of one. As other people are saying, they are used to dealing with a few children at once, it's easier to look after 5 when you are used to 3 than 3 when you are used to one. I have 3 small children and often look after my little niece and nephew too, and other children attach themselves to us because we are just used looking after a whole shoal of them.

[MilaMae]

That is interesting as I do always seem to be the one sorting out other peoples kids eg manning the climbing frame etc. I am actually amazed at people who should know better who aren't exactly the most supportive, after all we are all in this mothering thing together. I'd like to think there is a bit of politeness involved. It just bugs me at times that said parents expect every trip to go swimmingly and don't seem to understand what it's like dealing with 3 tiny children who have to share my attention. Ho ho-their time will come!!!