How do you or did you ask for help?

[stinkypants]

Am expecting twins and already have 2 children. I always accepted help that was offered when they were babies but was never very good at asking for it. Feel I need an urgent lesson in assertiveness! Also agree with other posts I've read about wanting to seem capable but I know I'll be struggling to cope.

[Methenyouplus4]

Watching with interest as in the same boat. How old are your eldest two? So far i've:
*rang home start (no good, not in my area)
*rang local colleges with childcare courses to see if any do placements where they send students out to homes (all no so far except one who is getting back to me, said they may be able to recommend final year student who will help for travel/ small amount to get reference/ experience).


Like you, I'm not at all comfortable asking visitors to help but can't afford nanny/cleaner etc. Little tips that I heard from others are:
*put tea, coffee etc all on tray in kitchen so you can tell visitors to help themselves to a drink.
*if you aren't comfortable asking them to help, ask them to watch babies so you can stick a load of washing in or whatever.
*if close friends /family ask what they can do, suggest bringing a meal.

Hope these are a bit helpful.

[stinkypants]

Hi there
Thanks for reply - I think you're right with your tips and will definitely be up for doing those!
The part that worries me most is when they're all crying and needing attention and no one is around. Will I cope, I keep wondering.
My older ones are 4 and nearly 6.
How about you?

[Methenyouplus4]

9 (a great help) and 14 months (yikes)! Main concern is how to keep my toddler entertained /safe while I feed / change/ wind etc twins, especially (as you say) if there's nobody else around. Husband teaches and can't save holidays so longest he can have is two weeks - scary! Thinking of buying a chest freezer to put in garage so I can try to stock up on home-made freezer meals.

[stinkypants]

Oh I bet your 9 yr old will be brilliant. Yes a toddler maybe less so by at least 9 yr can play with him or her! It is definitely going to be hard isn't it. Freezer good idea too.
I think the twins will have to learn to be patient as we can't let the older ones feel too put out.

[Mabelface]

My eldest son was 6 when my triplets were born and he was a star. Old enough to hold a bottle under supervision or talk to babies, keeping them occupied. Asking for help, do the "can I be cheeky and ask if you'd just iron these/wash up etc for me". People tend to be good if it means they're rewarded with a cuddle of a newborn.

[stinkingbishop]

Two year old twins and still alive, just .

People WILL offer help, more than they do with singles (of which I have one). My tip would be to draw up a list of things that need to be done - one offs, like buying stuff, cooking for freezer, picking up things you've got on eBay etc as well as things that will need to be done regularly once they're born, like bottles and washing and taking them for walks and letting you have a bath etc - and then when someone offers, you're ready to delegate, instead of your mind going blank and you just mumbling oh I'm sure we'll be fine.

Also - my bad - exploit the twin thing. If you're out and about with them, if it's obvious they're twins, people are much more ready to stop and chat and go oo and then you can smile sweetly and ask if they wouldn't mind dreadfully holding the door open/helping you with the step/getting that grocery item that you can't get to because your double buggy's too wide for the aisle (Co-Op I am looking at you with your teeny tiny aisles!!!)

[Methenyouplus4]

Yeah, my 9 year old has been wonderful with our youngest but very wary of putting on him too much (which would be easy to do). He starts middle school in September (which is when I 'm due) so a bit concerned that he gets enough attention/ help with new routine (pe stuff on the right day etc).

I have to say, the Internet has been a wonderful source of information and support so far. It' s great to hear from those who've travelled the road before you or are currently going through the same thing. X

[stinkypants]

Thanks for tips. Great idea about lists. I am a list person!! And I like the cheeky little asks but am a bit of a wimp. ..!
Yes I know what u mean about not exploiting the older ones too much altho I bet we will