Worrying about how we are going to cope?

[Franchini]

Hi All,
I'm currently 15 weeks with MCDA twins (yay!), we are so pleased to be so lucky to have our twin babies on the way.

We also have a toddler DD who is currently 23 months, she will be 28 months (2 yr 4 mths) when the twins arrive. They will be born in March 4 weeks early.

DD not potty trained yet and I am going to get her more or less dry (HOPEFULLY!) (pull ups at least) by the time the twins arrive.

Please tell me stories about how easy it is going to be and not to worry about feeding my twins and having sleepless nights and having to entertain my lovely DD at the same time. I am worried about not being able to spend enough time with her and her feeling left out and neglected. And not being able to get out as much and do the things that she loves so much.

Any stories about how you coped in the same situation would be gratefully appreciated.

I am really starting to worry and I'm more worried about my DD than I am about my current pregnancy and I'm not really enjoying being pregnant as I'm worrying so much about her!

Thanks everyone - I really am finding the threads on here fantastic advice.

x x

[HighVoltage]

Waves of sympathy...

I felt the same. DTs are now 4 months old, DS 3.5 years. What helped ease it was - exactly as you are - to try to get done all the things we could very early on like potty training so not close to the birth.

Also assuming/hoping you have some form of DP it will be important for them to start now in taking over some aspects of care (we started with mornings at weekends) so it's not such a shock when you have to disappear so much to do baby care.

Plan for help that will allow you special time with your DD in the early days of feeding and in the first few months. When establishing breastfeeding two it can be very difficult to even leave the bedroom (in my experience) so it won't be easy to achieve this in early days - but literally 30 mins with them alone and away from babies will make a world of difference to your DD and her behaviour the rest of the time. Make sure you call it "mummy time" so that she knows that's what she's getting and can ask for it (even if you have to turn her down at least you can say "Oh I wish we had more mummy time too!") I tried to make sure I did bath time and story time still (not always achieved without at least one baby in tow).

I also did lots of prep with him for how the babies would be quite boring for a while, how I would be busy with them but love him and would love to be able to spend more time with him. Also to remind him that eventually they will be lots of fun and will play with him but it will take a while. He has a baby doll that he has loved playing along with - changing nappies, feeding (!) etc - could be a good purchase if you don't have one already as you can then make baby care a game you two play together - I give him real nappies and cream to put on which he loves.

Good luck! I won't pretend it won't be difficult for her - and you - because it will, but one day she'll give them a hug and a kiss (without you having to say "gentle!!") and your heart will melt.

[beachesandbuckets]

My twins are now 9 weeks and I was really worried about how I wld cope, I have a ds (4) and dd (2 when babies born, now 3). I can honestly say that - in my experience at least - its been fine. Expected the worse (all the horror stories I was told) and reality was much better.

Dh did a lot for older kids in the early days, like get them up, breakfast etc, but even dual breastfeeding has been fine now established - with a dual cushion, I have even wiped my 3 year olds bottom whilst simultaneously feeding babies! I have been swimming with dd (whilst my Mum looked after twins on side of pool in viewing gallery), been on day trips, had play dates, even the circus last weekend!

My 3 year old is in pre school a couple of mornings a week, which has significantly eased the guilt as she comes home having painted, sung, read, played in the garden etc so doesn't feel deprived watching a bit of TV in afternoon. She potty trained herself a week before the babies came, I wouldn't force yours to do it earlier than she is ready as it will be just stressful for you. Good luck x

[beachesandbuckets]

Sorry, 'he' is ready. Also I always feed in living room so at least "present" when dcs are playing or watching TV, so I can hand them things, help, comment on what is on TV, sing along tp peppa pig tune(!) whatever makes them think that I am still present!

[yeghoulsandlittledevils]

Ask for and accept help: family, friends local mums etc.

All the people I know with twins always had people who would help out in so many small ways. People want to help, they just need to be given permission by you, and some need an idea of what is helpful and what is a little intrusive.

[Franchini]

Thank you so much for your replies. I love the idea of "mummy time"
I am going to definately do this. I have already bought DD a set of twin babies (dolls!) for her Birthday present November and I will definately make sure we play with them alot. I don 't think she really understands that we are having two more babies even though we talk about them all the time.
I have enrolled her into a playgroup starting from April so hopefully she will get some good playing etc in during this time - its 2 hours every morning (god knows how I will get her there in one piece every day!).
I am also going to try and get out for a walk to the park every day. Hopefully this will be sufficient to keep us all entertained.
I have got some excellent family around anf my DH is fantastic anyway.
I'm sure I will be back on here for more advice at some point over the next.........15 years!

[legallyblond]

I'm there now too! Twins are 5 weeks and DD has just (last week) turned 3. It's fab fab fab! I also feed (I tandem breast feed so it takes as little time as possible) in the sitting room so can comment on cbeebies etch. I also have attack of books, sticker books, colouring etc in arms reach to keep DD amused. Sleeplessness is no worse so far than with one baby (I tandem fed within first 48 hours - if one wakes I feed both, so get decent 2 hour stretches of sleep, as you would if bf one v young baby). The twins just slot into DD's routine. We have however decided to up DD's pre school hours as the reality is that I'm not doing anything very stimulating with her.... The best thing we did was get DD settled into pre school before the twins came and made a big fuss of it all so that it was and idea really special, important thing for her,

[CakeForBreakfast]

Hello Franchini,

About 2 years ago I was in a similar boat to you, although I had 2 older children. At the time, they were aged 4 and nearly 2. My worries were just the same as yours too!

So a few words of wisdom from hindsight...

1. Keep the twins on the SAME feeding regime, especially at night. Don't be afraid to wake a peacefully sleeping twin. This will give you precious more sleep at night.

1. Don't worry, although twins (and any newborns) make your hands busy, they take very little emotionally. Newborns can be changed/fed all while focusing attention on the older sibling. This will happen naturally

1. If you can afford it, get a night nanny now and again for some respite, or help during the day for you to nap

I have to tell you though. Twins is awesome, I mean just awsome. I have 4 kids in total and it was the twins who were the best sleepers, best weaners, most independent and so blinking cute together. You are lucky.

I wish you a good pregnancy! How are you feeling?

[Franchini]

A big as a house lol. 17 weeks so nearly half way there. They are going to be delivered at36 weeks. Not as worried now but it is still on my mind. Thanks for all your replies. X

[twinkletoedelephant]

My dd was 2.8 yr when the twins came along she really ignored them for the first 18 months they were refered to as ' the brother's

Its hard it's really hard going - don't refuse any help you don't know when you will need it

I will say mine are 7 and 4 now and although they fight like cat and dog. They really do love each other. They actually all snuggled up on the sofa under a blanket today I just stood in the door and watched :)

[toomuchpink]

Hi there.
I was like you. When I found out I was expecting twins I immediately worried most about my oldest daughter. The one thing I can say for sure is that it has not done her any harm. She actually loved the twins right from the start and now the DDTs are two, there are more arguments because she wants the toy they have or vice versa, but she has also learned a lot.
Like you I potty trained ahead of the twins being born and it worked more or less. I think your attitude of fingers crossed is right though. You can cross this bridge again with two others to look after if it comes to it. I still had to break off breast feeds to help DD1 on the loo even though she was mostly dry.
One good thing is when the twins were newborn at first they slept quite a lot in the day, so I was surprised how much time I got with DD.
As this reduced it did get more difficult and there were some very stressful times, I have to be honest, but it was more to do with me trying to stay calm when they were all upset at once - rather than anything to do with DD1 suffering.
A couple of things I did ahead helped me play with DD1 while b'feeding. I bought a few cheap new things from pounds shops etc, so we could kind of have a Friday afternoon B'feeding treat.
We also started an era of treasure hunts. So I would hide objects around the livingroom for her to find. Most of them would just be things she had already wrapped in foil - but there would always be a little surprise like a few sweets in a box or new hair clips.
As she got older she would have to undertake a "challenge" eg do a picture or a jigsaw, in order to get the treasure hunt. This helped occupy her for even longer. I was still interacting with her while doing the feed, if you see what I mean.
Another thing I did was get the twins into a napping routine in the day around 12 weeks, so they always went down in the morning and the afternoon. The length of the naps was a bit unreliable until they were on solids, but getting the two sleeping together in the day like that makes a huge difference and means you get to do something with DD1. Sometimes DD1 would help me get things ready for my husband and I to have for dinner in that time. She loved mixing ingredients for a salsa for example.
One final thing. A teacher the other day was telling me when trying to do something "educational" with DD1, like teach her to recognise words (she's now four) it was ideal just to do it for just 10 minutes or so. This made me feel a lot better about the fact my time is divided between three young children.
Good luck with it all and try not to worry.

[toomuchpink]

Hi again.
I noticed someone else suggested paying for a bit of help on the side. In retrospect I think this would have been a good idea for me. I found most days fine until about 3pm, but the last few hours before my husband came home could feel like a lifetime.
A bit of extra support just then would have made a big difference.