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When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

Multiple births

public meltdown. Embarassed!

12 replies

MultipleMama · 01/05/2013 16:14

Was at the park with dd and dts and was chasing after dts1 who had escaped to wonder over to dd and DG near the swings. Caught him before he even made it off the blanket.

As I picked him a woman wandered over who I noticed had been watching us and said it was lovely how I was looking after my siblings, I told her all 3 were mine. She looked shocked and asked my age, I politely told her it was none of business. She then questioned if I worked, had help as I looked like I was struggling. I felt like I was being judged and my hormones took over and I started to cry with set of dts1.

She looked flustered trying to explain and apologise but I was too embarrassed about crying to listen. She went and got my father who was just confused at the situation, the woman left and I was sat on the bench pathetically while crying onto my Father's shoulder as dts1 cried on me and dd hugging my leg saying, "don't cry, mama."

I've never felt so embarrassed and stupid in my life. I'm sure the woman was just curious but like a hormonal knocked up idiot I am, I took it personally!

Father chuckled and called me a plonker...

Rant over. I need coffee but can't have it and now I'm emotional coffee. I need chocolate biscuits! Someone tell me to get a grip please?!

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Piffpaffpoff · 01/05/2013 16:22

Oh dear, poor you! Sounds like she was just trying to make conversation and made a total bollocks of it with her judgey-sounding questions. I went through stages when mine were little of having random crying fits over things that would have, on other days, had no impact whatsoever. Hormones and tiredness, innit?

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MultipleMama · 01/05/2013 16:41

Yup, it's the tiredness I'm feeling more than anything and I get quite emotional when tired so being being pregnant didn't help!

She phased the questions quite nicely actually and even waved and replied to babbling dts1 but like a plonker I over reacted. And I have 6+ more months to deal with! Urgh.

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Piffpaffpoff · 01/05/2013 18:13

Ach, don't worry about it. I think we've all been there. Now as you requested - get a grip!

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Wolfiefan · 01/05/2013 18:26

You don't sound like you need to get a grip. You sound like you need a break!
Sounds no more embarrassing than when my DS weed all over the changing bag at clinic. I ended up sobbing whilst rocking him in my arms like a fruitloop (he was dressed just in a nappy and wrapped in a muslin!)
Perhaps you look so youthful and full of energy the woman just didn't believe you were old enough to have kids unlike this wrinkled old crone! mature mother.

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MultipleMama · 01/05/2013 19:26

A break sounds so lovely!

I bet you look stunning! It's the world that becoming more mature!

The first thing Dd told DH when he came home from work was "mama cried loudly" nothing like a kid shouting out your embarrassment to make you blush! Haha.

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toomuchpink · 04/05/2013 20:46

I think I would get a bit emotional about that kind of encounter too. I mean it is hard with twins and a toddler, but people rarely acknowledge that. On the other hand, the last thing you want when an outing seems to be going really nicely is to have someone tell you you seem to be struggling. Most parents overreact to comments about their parenting sometimes, I reckon, but the constant energy required to look after twins and more makes us all special cases! At least that is my excuse for welling up at odd times!

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MultipleMama · 05/05/2013 11:19

I think that's it. Everything was going well and both dts have discovered their crawling legs and it's lovely but knackering to chase after them and keep both eyes on them and being PG doesn't the emotions too haha.

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PrincessScrumpy · 08/05/2013 11:57

I have days when I'm very sensitive. Last week I had 1 really bad day (dtds - 20mo - having tantrums all day, in walks daddy and they're all smiles grrr!) Anyway, if anyone had commented on them being a handful or me struggling it wouldn't have bothered me as I was struggling but know it's just a bad day and the next one will be better. Anyway, Sunday I took my 3dc to church and I thought they were fab and I was in control. Tuesday, a woman who was at church said "Oh I felt sooo sorry for you on Sunday!" She went on to ask which of the dtds was on my lap crying the whole time... errr neither they kept swapping who was on my lap but very little crying and the crying that did occur was due to another 20mo snatching a toy but it was resolved quickly.

That comment has really upset me - my oversensitive brain is thinking, if she felt sorry for me she must think I wasn't in control and I looked like I was struggling. It's not a big comment and my sensible brain tells me it's nothing yet it still bugs me now. I'm going to put it down to hormones but I regularly feel judged, especially by parents of only children.

Sorry rant over - sounds like you are doing a great job.

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Nancy54 · 08/05/2013 14:02

i think i would have cried too!! i think people just don't realise that us sleep deprived twin mums could do without certain comments!!!

i had a friend to stay this weekend and she said that she'd been talking with another mutual friend of ours about how spending time with me and my dts (7 months) was the best form of contraception you could get!!! think she though it was funny but it just made me think, are they really that awful????

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MultipleMama · 08/05/2013 18:42

And what some people don't realise is that what looks like struggling to them is actually a really good day for us. Babies cry and explore and to us mum's especially twin mum's that's pretty damn normal but others must think "wow she's struggling" when really it's just another day as a mum of twins.

If people want to see struggling, they should be here around 5pm when all dc start getting cranky haha.

I think I'm a good mum and my kids have no complaints so I guess I'm doing okay at this mum stuff. :)

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toomuchpink · 11/05/2013 21:21

Princess, I would find it really annoying if someone told me they had seen me and thought I was struggling, but did nothing to assist at the time. I think I am prone to being over sensitive too, but I know what you mean about feeling judged and I sometimes feel parents looking after singletons give me a wide berth.
I don't like people saying "I don't know how you do it." I think it is meant to be a compliment, but it makes me feel as though they see my situation as a nightmare - or that they suspect my children must be neglected on some level.
If only all those people who said "I don't know how you do it," had asked if I needed anything from the supermarket just once during that tough first year, or offered to make one cup of tea, it would have been a lot easier.

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MultipleMama · 11/05/2013 21:42

That comment irks me too. I've had a friend of DH's come round when the DTS were sick and constantly screaming and made that comment and instead of helping by trying to rock one in pushchair as I held the other he sat there with a cup of tea watching - I wanted to strangle him haha.