Having a Christmas stress out

[pigcon1]

Went round to my dear sister's for late late lunch last eve (5.00) and had a meltdown, whilst not sobbing in corner i felt completely unhinged; the combination of getting our 17 mth twins with bath and bed stuff with high hairs to her basement flat arriving into the non child friendly room and seeing an open unguarded fire whilst my spouse headed off to chat with my father and brother, in combination with my mother telling stories of how amazing and grown up her friends grandchildren are, was too much after about 20 minutes I decided we would leave. I had a flash forward to Christmas at my parents (complete with two open unguarded fires) and thought this is not going to work.
I called my mother this morning and explained that we will meet them for mass, have lunch with my in laws at our home (rather than at theirs, reducing their numbers from 11 to 7) and see everyone at ours for pudding and presents from 4.00 (as we had previously agreed), she is now "devastated" and can't speak to me about it.

I know this is very small fry in the scheme of things, just venting but if people have words of wisdom I'd be keen to hear.....

I haven't posted for many months so hullo to everyone

[mrsdaisaku]

I think you are fully justified in your reasons for cancelling. I think its very irresponsible for Grandparents to not think of Grand children's safety, surely a couple of fire guards is not an unreasonable request? and a little extra assistance in keeping an eye out in unfamiliar surroundings with twins would be automatic for any family. If your Mum is that devastated, she will do what she can to make her home a safe environment for you and your dt's, rather than making you feel guilty for putting your children (and your sanity) first.

Do not let yourself feel bad, you are fully justified in your rationale. And deserve to have a happy and stress-less Christmas.

[pigcon1]

Thank you Mrsdaisaku.

[pigcon1]

Thank you Mrsdaisaku.

[PrincessMononoke]

Yes exactly the reason we are staying at home this year.
My 2 were the same age as yours last year and Christmas was hard. We didn't sit down and eat till 3.30 so by then they were to tired to eat, put them upstairs for a nap and they grizzled for ages and couldn't settle down because my DN was running around screaming with my DD
My family are lovely and dote on dts but they're not very helpful, visiting can be a bit of a slog, just as you get one of the fire the other one is raising a cupboard or touching something they shouldn't.
Your idea sounds perfect, I am sure your dm will get over it.

[Glittertwins]

I don't blame you at all. I'm surprised they don't have fire guards though as open fires are dangerous when not supervised even just running to the loo. My parents always had an open fire but the guard went up as soon as the last person left the room. Coal can spit out and land on anything or anyone.
MIL repeatedly refused to cover up their wine rack when our two were your ages. Guess who didn't see one of them make a bid for freedom and smash a bottle of wine on a tiled floor? 3 adults and not one of them saw her.

[silverangel]

Yep, we're staying home this year too - its just easier, they have all their stuff, can nap in their cots and (hopefully) go to bed at the right time (17mo). GP's coming in the morning for presents, sister and brother in law coming in the evening to drink wine:)

[Glittertwins]

We stay put too. Why should Christmas mean dragging children away from their new toys to places where we are totally stressed trying to stop them hurting themselves.

[pigcon1]

Thank you for the advice Princess, Silver and Glitter. It's great to hear others having similar experiences, I felt relief once I'd made the decision (undercut with guilt). This way I will be able to keep it together on the day and focus on our two and guests. Have a happy Christmas.