Did we stop it too early?

[MommaWannabe]

We did an IVF and got a positive.

I had bad dreams the night before the first scan. But I thought those were just fears...they usually don't come true, right?

We went to the clinic today for the scan and saw the embryo, it was 7 mm- an OK size but when we tried to listen to the heartbeat - we didn't hear anything. The doctor says it is very uncommon for an embryo of 6 weeks and 6 days - but he said we could wait a week and see if we hear something next week. But we see already that he was not very hopeful. I tried to prepare myself for the worse already but couldn't help and break down because deep inside I already know it won't be going well.

I cried all the way home. When we got home, I started bleeding- not just some spotting but continuous bleeding. I called the clinic and went back to my doctor and he said if it's a lot...it is already aborting.

That being said - the next step is to have my uterus "washed". We decided to go ahead with it since we were already there anyway.
We just thought, we will start over, will try again when my body is ready.

In the back of my head, I am still thinking ,should we have waited for a week to see if the pregnancy could be saved or was the bleeding really a sign of miscarriage?

Please if you have went throught this, please help me clear my doubts.

[ClaudiaSchiffer]

Oh goodness MommaWannabe, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I too have had ivf and various miscarriages and i so sympathise with you. I can't really offer anything else as I don't know the medical ins and outs, hopefully someone will be along later who can help you further. But maybe the best thing would be to call your doctor and try to discuss it with him.

It is very sad. You poor thing x

[MillietheMooch]

Hi MommaWannabe

I am so sorry for you. What a terrible situation to be in.

I just wanted to say that if you were bleeding continuously it is probable you would have miscarried and as I know myself if this is happening there's nothing anyone can do to stop it.

I think this is such a traumatic situation, one can't help going over and over it in one's mind, and it's perfectly natural to have doubts. I think, with you, everything has happened so quickly, you need time to come to terms with it and get your head around it.

[MillietheMooch]

Hi MommaWannabe

I am so sorry for you. What a terrible situation to be in.

I just wanted to say that if you were bleeding continuously it is probable you would have miscarried and as I know myself if this is happening there's nothing anyone can do to stop it.

I think this is such a traumatic situation, one can't help going over and over it in one's mind, and it's perfectly natural to have doubts. I think, with you, everything has happened so quickly, you need time to come to terms with it and get your head around it.

[Mouette]

I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost a baby after fertility treatment and it was a double blow as we had invested so much hope in the pregnancy. At 6 weeks 6 days you would have heard a heartbeat if the pregnancy had been viable. That added to the continuous bleeding means that you undoubtedly miscarried. Sadly there is nothing that can be done to stop or prevent an early mc, and in this case sadly it sounds like the pregnancy had failed to develop anyway. Please don't blame yourself. I think you did the right thing as otherwise you could have contracted an infection that could have affected your future chances of conceiving. I wish you all the best for the future. x

[Mouette]

BTW, when I had my first scan at the Foetal Medicine Centre they told me that at 7 weeks you should get a heartbeat - that's why I think that the pregnancy had not developed and sadly the mc was only a matter of time. x

[thefatladyscreams]

Hi, I'm so sorry for your loss. It must all be so raw and painful for you. There's so many emotions to work through at the moment.

I think the nature of m/c is that we look for the "what ifs" and plague ourselves with guilt. Sadly I'm sure there was nothing you could have done.

Take care.

[MommaWannabe]

Hi ladies,

Thanks so much for all the kind words. I just try to come in to terms with this. I thought maybe we should have waited for a week or two but thank you for telling me about the continuous bleeding - it has helped me get over my guilt.

I am only 26, so I thought all would go well. So not having a heartbeat was really uncommon at this situation.

I was already planning to get maternity photos taken in December and was looking at baby stuff.

@ MillietheMooch - yes that's true I just kept repeating what happened over and over.

@thefatladyscreams - I am trying to stop thinking about the what ifs. It's torture.

This has been one of the most devastating experience I had next to the death of my father 7 years ago.

Again thank you for your words, it will surely help me get through this.

I wonder when it is safe again to go for a new IVF cycle...

[MmeLindt]

I have had 3 miscarriages (and 2 healthy babies) and my first one was similar to your experience.

I had some light bleeding and the scan showed no heartbeat so I was booked in for a D&C the same afternoon. I felt that the doctor who did the scan was very quick and abrupt. "oh, shame, no heartbeat. Well. We will have you in to the clinic this afternoon to do a curretage."

this left me with the feeling that maybe we should have waited, and it took me a long time to shake the guilt completely.

I had another miscarriage 6 months later, before they operated I insisted on having a second scan to confirm the findings. The clinic staff (I had moved to a different doc) were great, after hearing about the first m/c they gave me another scan to ease my mind. Somehow that helped to ease the guilt and worry about the first time.

Take time to come to terms with it, I am sure that the worry is worse when you are having IVF treatment. When you feelstrong enough to try again it will be hard but you can get support and hand holding here.

Good luck

[MmeLindt]

I meant to say that, going by what you wrote about the heavy bleeding and no heartbeat, I am sure that the misscarriage was inevitable. Don't beat yourself up about it.

[Mouette]

Dear Momma
I conceived after fertility treatment and lost the baby at 17 weeks, I was devastated but now have a beautiful 4 month old son, so take heart! The good news is that you are 26, and managed to conceive once, so the chances of doing so again are high. There are other threads on Mumsnet with ladies going through IVF, I'm sure you can get support there. I would check with the doctor/fertility clinic when it will be safe to try again, but please make sure you give yourself enough time to recover physically and mentally, and look after yourself. Best of luck.xx

[Onlyaphase]

Momma, I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I had IVF in January this year, and miscarried in March. My clinic told me to wait 3 months before starting IVF again - but this may be different in your clinic as they can vary in their practices. Can you call your consultant and ask? Having a date for the next treatment is always helpful to me, and really assists me to look forward rather than dwell on the past.

[MommaWannabe]

@ MmeLindt - I also thought "hey this is going way too fast". But the hopelessness in my doctor's eyes did really struck us, he was not happy as well that this happen.

@ Mouette - Yes I am keeping my hopes up...but now I can't help to be afraid that it might happen again next time. I will look for the IVF threads here. This site is truly helpful, I wouldn't know where else to get this kind of support and understanding.

@Onlyaphase - Thanks I will ask my doctor that. I was thinking of starting right away(like when I get my period) but maybe that's too early.

"Today we will be at the doctor to see if the tissue is cancerous and also maybe plan for our next move."

[Mouette]

Dear Momma
I know what you mean - when I got pregnant again I kept worrying that I would lose him -as we had lost his brother so late I couldn't relax after 12 weeks nor even after 17 weeks. I worried right up to the birth (which was complicated) and for weeks afterwards I still couldn't believe he was there and feared he might be taken away. But he is still there, kicking away on his mat. All you can do is take it day by day - every day that passes is a little victory and brings you closer to your goal. All the best xx