waiting for miscarriage

[avaj]

Found out yesterday thet I've lost my baby at 17 weeks. I'm now sitting at home feeling devestated and waiting to miscarry.

I dont know what to expect or how long it could take, I've got no pain or bleeding etc... Keep thinking its all a big mistake but I know its not.

[whomovedmychocolate]

Oh you poor thing. It will generally take anything from 12 hours to five days. You will probably start off with cramping and go on to develop bleeding. Watch for signs of fever but apart from that - painkillers, rest and take your time to recover.

[avaj]

The waiting is really freaky.
I think I'm more scared waiting for this than I was going into labour.
I was told I could get tablets to get me started. Any advice about this? Would it be better to wait ? I wish it would happen, but then I dont because it is really over then.

[whomovedmychocolate]

It might be better to take the tablets - they will kick things off but wash them down with some strong painkillers because much like an induction of labour they can bring on strong pains very quickly.

But at least you'd know it would start today rather than just waiting.

[Thandeka]

Oh that is terrible. My best friend lost hers at 16 weeks and decided to take the tablets- she did end up back in hospital because of the pain and bleeding so please make sure you have sufficient pain relief.

Having miscarried at 10 weeks at home I would prefer to be in hospital if it ever happens again- is that an option for you?

[avaj]

Thanks for the replies.
The midwife did say if the pain got too bad or the bleeding too heavy I could go into hospital.
I think I would rather be in hospital. It must be really upsetting for partners to have to cope with it at home too - scary.

[whomovedmychocolate]

avaj - the general rule is: if you are soaking through more than one pad an hour, feeling dizzy or unwell or just can't cope with it emotionally, go to hospital and stay there. If you can manage it, personally I would call the midwife and ask to be admitted, they will put you in a room on your own and give you the pills and just keep an eye on you. The first day is the worst bit physically - about four hours after the pills.

You are very kind to be worried about your partner's reaction but don't forget to look after yourself as well.

[Mouette]

Dear avaj
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my first baby too, last year, at 17 weeks just like you. In my case however it was due to a weak cervix, so the baby came out by itself. I had to have an ERPC however to remove the placenta.
If I were you I would try to go to hospital; I am surprised they told you to miscarry at home as you are already 17 weeks gone. You will probably feel safer in the hospital, in addition they can do tests on the baby to see what went wrong. They should really do tests, it's not usual to miscarry this late in the pregnancy. I am so sorry and hope it will be over soon. Have you spoken to your GP? Perhaps he can advise/get the hospital to admit you. I miscarried in the hospital and know I would have hated being at home. xx

[Owlingate]

Am also shocked to hear you have been sent home at 17 weeks. There is a risk of retained placenta (I had this at 17 weeks also), you are likely to lose a lot of blood, it is nothing like an early miscarriage.

I guess the only exception may be where they think the baby might have died a little while ago and therefore be smaller / the pg less established iyswim. Is this the case with you?

You also need access to some decent painkillers - I found the contractions the same as the early contractions in my 35 week labour. I was given oral morphine. TBH at 17 weeks for me it was pretty much like giving birth - the baby was about 18cm long with developed features, arms and legs etc. Someone should def be looking after the baby in terms of taking him/her for tests and taking footprints etc. for you.

I also needed IV antibiotics as had contracted an infection.

I was given tablets in the form of a pessary to speed things up - they worked very quickly.

I honestly think you should call the hosp or your GP and ask to be admitted to the gynae ward. Hope the birth is gentle on you and is over quickly x

[avaj]

I was told that the baby was smaller than it should be at 17 weeks, so that has maybe been why they sent me home.
I phoned them earlier to ask about the tablets and was told the next slot would be next wed, I would get the tablets on Wed, be sent home again and brought back in on Fri am to be monitored.
Also spoke to my G.P who was more helpfull and prescibed me good painkillers. So I guess it is a case of wait and see.

[Mouette]

Dear avaj
Glad to hear your GP was more helpful. Hopefully it will not be too painful if the baby is very small. If nothing happens by next Wednesday I would definitively ask to be admitted. It is very sad. Can your partner or a friend stay with you? It must be so hard to sit at home all alone waiting for it to happen. I am very sorry. I gave birth in the hospital (I agree with Owlingate, at 17 weeks it's definitively a birth), at least there were doctors and nurses there and my dh arrived as soon as he could (in my case it was very sudden, because of the weak cervix). Our thoughts and prayers are with you - may it be over soon.
Owlingate: did they find out what happened? It's not common to miscarry that late, I don't know anyone else who has. xx

[avaj]

Thanks everyone, it def helps to get support and advice!
My husband will get away from work whenever something happens. My parents are on holiday but will be home in a couple of days, so that will make a difference.
It sounds like you've all been through awful times, but its good to know that you do get through it.
Thanks again. Will let you know what happens.

[Owlingate]

Avaj it sounds like you have other DC - please do not make the same mistake I had and let everyone leave you on your own too early! I got out of hosp on Fr and DH back at work on the Mon - there was no way I could cope physically and had to ask relatives for help - def should have set something up in advance. On the plus side, other DC do get you through this.

Mouette they found out I have a blood clotting disorder which I sort of knew about before but it seems I need stronger drugs for it. Also the baby had a nuchal of 3.5mm though no chromosomal probs - they are not sure to what extent this contributed. How about you?

Avaj I would def. ask for tests even if you have already had DC. If you are not happy about PM, there are tests they can do on you and on the placenta which may give more info.

Will be thinking of you Avaj. Glad you got good painkillers from GP - do not be afraid to take them as soon as you get the slightest twinge! Glad you will have your family there soon too.

[Mouette]

Dear Avaj
Glad to hear you will have support. It's so hard, but I know you will be brave and will get through it. It was very hard for us - especially because it was very sudden, plus we'd had trouble conceiving, but it did get better. Make sure you give yourself time to recover - not just physically but mentally - it's a hard blow. In the end it was counselling (cognitive behavioural therapy) plus the support of DH and friends, and the church, that got me through. Keep in touch!
Dear Owlingate: they did all the tests, but didn't find anything. I got pregnant again 3 months later and saw an obstetrician privately who explained that I had a weak cervix - the mc was painless and very very quick, which is typical of a weak cervix. I then had an operation at 12 weeks called a cervical stitch, took drugs every day and had a scan every 2 weeks. It was a tough pregnancy - I developed pre eclampsia at 32 weeks and had to be induced at 37, ended with an emergency c section - but I now have a beautiful 3 month old son. So there is definitely hope even when it looks as though there isn't. Do you have other DC?
All the best to you both. xx

[avaj]

Hello
Just to let you know that I am booked into the ward tomorrow for a medical miscarriage.
I had a further scan yesterday and the baby and the placenta are all still in place, so it could be a while until it happens naturally. It was really sad to see the baby again as it looks perfect, but no movement and no heartbeat, so I know I have to do something.
Anyway, I will go in first thing tomorrow and it should happen sometime during the day.
I am glad that something is organised because the waiting is too painful.
Thanks for all your advice. xxx

[Owlingate]

Avaj I'm glad something is happening too. I only had to wait 24 hours from knowing the baby had died (although knew something was wrong well before that) and that was hard enough.GLad to hear you will be on the ward too, you will have access to strong pain relief there and hopefully nurses as lovely and kind as the ones who treated me.

I was rushed in so had no time to prepare stuff, but remember to bring your own lovely toiletries, money for TV etc., rubbishy mags (get DH to check no sad stories in) and lots of juice / lucozade / chewing gum as they may not want you to eat solid food for a little while in case you need surgery (I didn't but they kept me nil by mouth for bloody aaages).

Well done for taking a last look at your lovely baby on the screen; I hope the miscarriage is gentle on you xx

[Mouette]

Dear avaj
Glad to hear you will not have to wait any longer. I am so sorry for your loss. All the best, do stay in touch. The grieving process is long, but it does eventually get better. I am sure you are very brave and will get through it. xx