Dreading my due date on Sat.. Any advise?

[popsy1]

Hello all.
I've been panicking for the last week or so about how i will cope on Saturday and wondered if anyone has any advise? My 13 yr old DS is also getting stressed out with it. I don't know what to do. We have all spoken as a family and i try to put on a brave face to help him through it. i just do not know what else to do. I want to just hide away Saturday and wake up Sunday and feel like my old self again, but i know thats no going to happen.
xxx

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

Hi Popsy, I'm no expert as I've had 1 MC at 6 weeks in April. However, I think if it were me, I would want to light a candle and say a few little words, then maybe do something special with DS, whether that's a fun day out or a DVD night in with treats or whatever, just so long as it's family time.

It must be awful for you, I hope that the due date passes as easily as possible.

Or perhaps you could go someone like a special little place at the beach together and say a few words?

It may help to acknowledge it and feel as though you put it to rest so to speak.

It is a big day for you. Hope you and DS are ok.

[JessiLynn]

Hi Popsy,

My situation is a little different, as I don't have any DC, but when my due date arrived back in December, a good friend suggested to me that I do something a small child would do... go to a playground, play in the snow, etc. He's a psychologist and has been through miscarriage himself, so I took him seriously. He told me that you have to sort of torture yourself on the due date, things seem better afterward.

I think maybe you and your DS should decide on something you can do together to remember the baby. I don't think you should feel pressure to be strong for DS, either... If anything, you being emotional should show him that it's okay to be sad about the baby you lost.

I hope you're doing okay. It's really an awful thing to go through. I'll be thinking of you.
XX

[Owlingate]

Hi Popsy - I don't know your situation but its my due date this weekend too. Lost the baby at 17 weeks earlier this year. I am trying to comfort myself by saying the date itself is not significant - there's no way she would've been born on her due date anyway as am prone to prem birth- but the due date is an ideal day to set aside some time to think about her and remember the pregnancy etc.

Am going to have a look at the scan pictures and my little scrapbook but am also going away on a girlie weekend. Thought long and hard before booking it but also thought it would be ideal to do something I wouldn't have been able to do with newborn baby. Thw whole month is going to be tough, but I'm also told by the bereavement mudwufe that things get easier as you move past the time when you should've been pregnant iykwim.

Thinking of you and your little baby.

[Joolsiam]

My due date was at the end of May and I lost the baby at 11+5, so not as late as some, but I was very shocked at a sudden and violent natural MC.

I was dreading the day, but found that the run-up to it was worse than the reality. While I was miscarrying, I went to our local cathedral to light a candle for the lost LO and I went back on the day to light another. I'd also bought the baby his / her first cuddly toy the day I mc'ed (as it was scan day and I thought I was safe), so I bought another to go with it, then sat and cuddled them and raised a glass of champagne to celebrate the life of a little soul who was too good for this earth.

It does get easier once you past that date, but recovery is still slow and I still have very maudlin days thinking about what might have been.

Just do what feels right on the day - whatever you feel you want to do will be the right thing.

[popsy1]

Thank you all for your advice.
I think marking the day, in some way may help. I lost our baby boy at 19wks and i have found it extremely hard to return to 'normal life', everything almost seems irrelevant iykwim. I have cried buckets in front of our son, my husband has been the strong one, but I'm a little worried about how he is coping with it all now. He has been getting angry over it all and is pulling away a little from his friends.I will have a chat with him about Saturday and we can decide together what to do i think. Thanks again for all your endless support.
Owlingate, take care this weekend i will be thinking of you x

[Shellseeker]

Just do whatever you feel like doing & allow yourself time to grieve, even if those around you are telling you not to. It's your loss and you deal with it how you need to. I lost 3 babies to miscarriage before I had my 3 (2 DDs & 1 DS) and I contacted the Woodland Trust to plant a tree in each of thier memories and that seemed to give me enough space to take the edge off the miscarriage & due date anniversaries. (Am crying now!) But it is hard and it does hurt. My miscarriage counsellor said to feel the feelings & then let them go, which helped. Including your DS and husband in deciding how to mark it is a lovely idea, but do make sure you give yourself some space too.
Time does heal and it does get better eventually but in the mean time cherish yourself! x (Sorry if that last bit sounds a bit icky but I couldn't think of a better way to say it!)

[beanie35]

So sorry for your loss Popsy. On both my due dates I went and bought reminders of my babies. I have a lovely lavender plant for one of them, and after a year it looks so lovely (and smells fab too). Everytime I water it I always think of my babies, but now its in a positive way. I also buy a balloon and let that drift off. Whatever you decide to do,my heart goes out to you.

[popsy1]

Well, The 4th July came and went with every emotion possible i think. On Friday evening i never thought I'd make it out of bed the next day, but i did and we headed to the seaside. We all ate chips and ice cream played crazy golf and enjoyed being together as a family.We released a balloon each on the sea front and sent our love with them to our son and baby brother. It is a day i will never forget. Unfortunately, when we returned home we went to the cemetery to place flowers and have some time with our son, some thoughtless, stupid person had decided to kick the basket that was on his grave leaving petals lying by the side and no sign of the basket. I was so upset and angry. It put a real downer on the day, but thankfully i have some happy, special memories of the 4th July.
Owlingate how was your girlie weekend away? I did think of you and your baby.
Thank you all for your advise and kind words.
xx

[Owlingate]

Hi I was just about to post and ask how your day had been. After thinking the due date wasn't such a big thing I actually really really grieved on Friday (you know those big howling sobs like just after it happened) and was a little paranoid over the whole weekend (am currently pg again). However the lovely girls did distract me and I enjoyed the weekend.

Releasing the balloons sounds lovely. I was thinking of doing something similar by releasing those lantern things that you can light at night, but we still have baby's ashes as I don't feel like letting go of them yet so I might sort of combine it with scattering those. So sorry to hear about the idiot who knocked over the basket but glad to hear you haven't let it spoil the day.

Here's hoping that moving past the due date means feeling more peaceful about things for both of us x

[popsy1]

Feeling very odd today, almost empty so owlingate I really hope things will get easier. yep also had great howlings sobs where your whole body aches. Congratulations on your pregnancy. When r you due? We u've bees ttc ever since but no luck. I have started fertility treatment AGAIN so things are very stressfull anyway.

[Owlingate]

God sorry to hear about fertility treatment -it must be incredibly stressful for you after losing your baby. I'm due end of Nov but finding it very very difficult to be confident. Had PM done on baby and some tests on me and it looks like cause was clotting disorder (which I already knew I had mildly) plus or minus something wrong with baby (nuchal was 3.5mm but no chromosomal probs found on PM).

So although nuchal this time was fine and on stronger meds for clotting problem, am still massively anxious. Although I think I would have been even if I had had a longer gap between pregnancies. Did they find out why your baby died?

[popsy1]

Yes it is, it seems our life is revolving around fertility dates and 'should have been' dates.My husband copes much better than me. I still find things so hard and i can't believe how much it has affected and how it has changed me.
I completely understand that you must be extremely worried. I keep saying if we getting pregnant I'm gunna be a wreck!!
I went into premature labour at 19weeks due to a massive internal infection caused by an amniocentesis. Our beautiful baby boy was perfect aswel, so it turns out that the amnio was for nothing.

[Owlingate]

Oh popsy how awful for you. I declined the amnio and miscarried anyway so it might well have happened to you anyway, especially if you had a poor nuchal result. I was told after my nuchal that with measurements like mine the risk of late MC goes up massively, and that it may well be that the stats on MC after amnio reflect this rather than inherent danger from the amnio iyswim.

Totally understand what you are saying about it having changed you - I feel about 20 years older than before, and I used to be quite laid back about things and am now a neurotic mess! Hoping that your treatment works quickly and your next pg is as smooth as possible.

[popsy1]

Yep i have also aged no end. I have dark circles under my eyes that never existed before.It may sound silly but its almost like I'm grieving for my old self and life as well as my baby. Just had our four negative pg test and about to embark on the next set of meds. Do you ever wonder when will it be our turn???

Hope your well Owlingate and managing to get plenty of you time.