no heart beat at 1st trimester scan

[happyjules]

just feeling really lonely and dont want to try to sleep as it give me time to think. I was in the awful position last week of discovering that my baby had died at about 11 weeks, whilst having my first timester scan.
By my dates I would have been 13+5 weeks. As soon as the sonographer asked if I was sure of my dates (I was) I knew there was something was wrong. It gets worse, I was in hospital 50 miles from home (my choice due to my birth choices), without my partner (he couldn't understand why I so wanted him there), with our two children who are 18 months and 4 1/2 who we are very lucky to have I know. His mum had let me down with childcare that morning! Oh and it happened on the anniversary of my first miscarriage six years ago!
My partner works away so I had to continue to manage on my own that week and go through a medically managed miscariage and as yet his mum hasn't even called!
I know that I am blessed to have the two beautiful girls that I have but this third baby was so wanted too

[Bumbleybee]

oh, Jules, what a sad time.

Well done for managing all of that on your own, I can't imagine how it must have been to hold it all together.

Make sure that you do allow yourself some time to grieve, it sounds like you are doing that now.

Hope things get better for you, xxx

[KingCanuteIAm]

You are blessed but being blessed does not stop you feeling pain.

As BB says, well done for coping alone, that takes real guts and I am in awe.

Thinking of you tonight and in the nights that follow. KCxx

[barbie1]

jules the pain of a mmc is horrid, having experienced one myself in sept 008 You are being so brave at the moment and i think this will in fact get you through....but take your time and if you need any help or support then there is the emmsys angels thread where all the girls are going or have gone through the same. Wishing you all the best in your road to recovery

[tattifer]

jules i'm sorry.

A similar thing happened to us last december. I'd been bleeding and and an early scan (10 weeks).The sonographer looked and said you've got your dates wrong you're only six weeks along. But I couldn't have been - that would have meant testing positive before I'd actually conceived. I miscarried at home a couple of days later then had erpc.

One of the most upsetting but stupid things was DHs mum was gossiping about it to his ex within a couple of hours of my miscarriage. I felt we'd been used as entertainment.

I'm pregnant again now, 7weeks, but had heavy bleed last Tuesday. So now have gone as far as arranging private scan instead of waiting til over a week away wondering if I'm still pregnant or not.

I also have two beautiful girls from a previous relationship, but yes this would be our baby together.

[happyjules]

To Bumblebee, KingCAnuteIAm, barbie1 and tattifer- thankyou for your messages of support.

I am a little surprised/puzzled to see the time of day at which some of us are at the computer! I truely wanted to believe, although probably somewhat selfishly that I was the only loon awake at stupid o'clock tapping away at my computer.
I should really be heading to bed now but am just too scared of laying awake with too many sad thoughts going through my mind. I am currently amazed at how well I am functioning on so litle sleep.

[happyjules]

To Bumblebee, KingCAnuteIAm, barbie1 and tattifer- thankyou for your messages of support.

I am a little surprised/puzzled to see the time of day at which some of us are at the computer! I truely wanted to believe, although probably somewhat selfishly that I was the only loon awake at stupid o'clock tapping away at my computer.
I should really be heading to bed now but am just too scared of laying awake with too many sad thoughts going through my mind. I am currently amazed at how well I am functioning on so litle sleep.

[tattifer]

happyjules good sign or cruel joke, the jury is out til monday - I was up at five feeling ravenously hungry and sick as a dog. Gave in to both for snack of current craving foods - oatcakes and lucozade.

[gigglewitch]

HJ, glad you have found us on the emmsys thread too. hang in there. lots of virtual hugs for you. Just try to get time to find 'you' again, and get some time to chill out too.

[Likklewicked]

you poor thing, my heart goes out to you, stay strong for your littleones, big hugs to you, your husband better make it up to you, i'm sure he never expected this xxx

[beanie35]

Jules. Im so sorry for your losses. I have been in exactly the same position, had 2 mmcs and had to deal with both of them on my own (hubby was working away). I have a 10yr old and unfortunately she was the one who had to watch me crawling to the bathroom in agony both times. When I passed the second baby (hb stopped at 7 weeks, and naturally miscarried at 11) I rang my elder sister and told her, she said she would 'pop in' and see how I was on the way back from shopping with a friend . Please take care of yourself, it takes time to heal physically and even longer mentally.