Lost baby at 6 weeks today

[BionicEar]

This is a part of Mumsnet that I would rather not be on, but today it was confirmed by a scan that I lost my baby.

We've been trying for over a year and I was 6 weeks pregnant - was so excited, and now just feel so flat, and don't know what to think.

Started bleeding over the weekend, and then a really heavy bleed last night (Sun), so had a scan this morning which confirmed it all.

We have a little one aged 4 yrs who know I am pg - she figured it out - bright child that she is. Dreading telling her tonight as not sure what she'll make of it all. On top of that it looks like one of her goldfish is about to cark it as well as not looking too healthy - something that we really could be doing without at this moment in time.

My DH taken today off work. He's in bits trying to be strong, but is very emotional about it all. Is there a support group out there for men as I think he need someone to talk to as well.

We've had so many of our friends and family who knew about my pg send us text messages of support today and that's been so lovely.

Sorry just needed to talk - my head all over the place at the mo.

[HeadFairy]

So sorry you're going through this BionicEar... I've had two mcs at 6 weeks back to back and it's awful. First the excitement and then the dread and pain. I think the best thing you can do is support each other very much, talk about things, how you feel, cry together, whatever helps. There must be some men on dadsnet who've experienced mc too, perhaps if he feels he needs to talk to another man he could try there if he needs more support.

Be kind to yourself, don't rush to get back to anything. The first time I mc'd I only took one day off work, brushed it under the carpet and carried on, and the second time it happened I forced myself to take a week off work and spent the whole time watching silly movies and eating chocolate. It doesn't make up for losing a much wanted baby but time does help a lot.

Take care ((((((((()))))))))))

[Habbibu]

I'm so sorry. It's such a hard thing to go through. But it does get better, I promise, even though you never forget the little one you lost.

It is hard for the father, I think - dh found it hard to talk to any of his friends when we lost dd1. He could try on Dadsnet here, I guess - or phone the Miscarriage Association - haven't used them myself, but I hear they're really good.

Be kind to yourselves, and take it very very easy - don't expect too much from yourselves too soon.

[ComeWhineWithMe]

I am so very sorry ((((((hugs))))))).

[manicmama]

I am so sorry to hear that. Miscarrying is so upsetting. Having been there three times myself my advice is to give yourself time to grieve and do whatever feels right. I found the Miscarriage site helpful and also read some poetry. Other people like to mark the pregnancy in some way, such as planting a tree. Your hormones will be all over the place and it will take a while for them to return to normal.

Don't worry about your little girl. It is good to be honest with her and it will help her to make sense of why you are upset. I told my other children (aged 4 and 5 at the time) and they were very sweet and it really helped to be open.

Thinking of you, your family and the little one you lost.

[Jojay]

I'm so sorry for you

[nickschick]

Im sorry too x

[BionicEar]

Thank you all of you for your lovely messages.

We told our little girl earlier - she was very upset and cried, and then said she was sad as she wanted to show Rory the Tiger (Havens mascot) our baby and now she couldn't.

All evening she's been asking 101 questions and it's been hard to answer them. Nearly torn my heart in two when she prayed at bedtime for the baby and then turned to me and said,"Mummy would you like one of my babies (dolls) then you won't be sad anymore?"

My DH has really struggled today to cope with his emotions, or to answer our little girl's questions.

My sil came over this eve and offered to look after my little girl so I could "escape" for the day by myself. Think I might seize the opportunity and take off for the day.

[HeadFairy]

Awww, your dd sounds sooo sweet, what a little darling. Have you thought of doing something with her to remember the baby, planting a nice plant/tree in the garden for him or her. If I had a garden I'd plant two lovely rose bushes for my lost babies.

I hope your day helped you come to terms with things, ultimately I think time is the best healer.

[daisyj]

So sorry for your loss BionicEar. This probably sounds obvious, and maybe your DH has already done this, but it wasn't until my DH spoke to his dad that he really began to process the pain and loss. It was a few weeks after we lost our first lo (this time last year at 11 weeks), but it was very cathartic for him. I sometimes think it can be harder for the men than us - they have to watch you go through it, and feel as if they should be able to make it right. I know my DH still gets flashbacks. You're right that it's really important he should also have someone to talk to and not just feel he has to be the strong one.

Your dd sounds adorable, btw. Children really get to the heart of the matter, but it can make things pretty painful.

Agree with HeadFairy on going easy on yourself. The obstetrician told me to take two weeks off work as I'd think I was OK, but it would take longer in the long run if I forced things, and for me that was the right advice.

Take care. x

[flockwallpaper]

Hi Bionic, so sorry to hear about your loss. Has your DH got a good friend, brother or cousin that he is close enough to to talk to about it? My DH found that helpful I think, talking to his friend. When talking to me he was feeling he had to be the strong one, which wasn't giving him room to let out his own feelings properly. xx