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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

how long did any of you take off work after mc?

42 replies

gigglewitch · 17/02/2009 20:24

I know it's an individual thing. Have just started getting over the worst of the physical effects (11 days on) but all of a sudden the "i've lost a baby" thing seems to have hit me - erm as if i hadn't realised that before
Am signed off til middle of next week anyway, and am 'seriously' anaemic, whatever that is supposed to mean. Still feel like shit anyway.

Suppose i should have namechanged. ah well who cares.

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gigglewitch · 17/02/2009 20:29

just wondered...

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twinsetandpearls · 17/02/2009 20:30

I tried to go in the next day as I thought I was fine, but was sent home. Took 2 days

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gigglewitch · 17/02/2009 20:34

nice one twinset ... have done that most times myself. then keeled over a few weeks later.

this time i'm trying to do it "properly" whatever that may mean.

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Joolsiam · 17/02/2009 20:35

I was on hols when it all happened, so 2 days of holiday, signed myself off for a week, then worked from home for 3 days.

The first 2 weeks were very hard - I lasted the week but went into total meltdown at the weekends.

The hormone explosion is horrible and mugs you over and over again just when you think you are getting better

You just have to accept that you will be very very up and down and be kind to yourself - let yourself cry and rant and rave and let it all out - don't bottle it up.

3 months on, I completely lost it today and had to leave the office after some very kind person mistook my post mc, chocolate and comfort eating belly for a PG one and asked me when I was due

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megcleary · 17/02/2009 20:37

worked after told had MMC and then ERPC after my bleeding wouldn't stop then had week off

Hijack nice to see you back TSAP

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paolosgirl · 17/02/2009 20:37

A week off work, but it took much longer than that to get over it. I was only working (v) p/t at the time, so that probably made it easier.

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snooks · 17/02/2009 20:38

sorry to hear this gigglwitch...

I took about 4 weeks off (seriously). Lost the baby at 9 weeks, then felt 'fine' for a few days then it hit me, like you say. Couldn't face going in and anyone talking to me about the mc (they probably wouldn't anyway though lol) or even looking at me sympathetically. I was ok if I didn't think about it. I work for a big organisation though so they could afford to be without me and were very understanding.

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gigglewitch · 17/02/2009 20:40

thanks

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HaventSleptForAYear · 17/02/2009 20:42

Hello and sorry to hear about your loss.

I miscarried over a weekend and then found I just couldn't go in to work the next day, despite not being signed off.

I saw my doctor who gently suggested I take the week off.

That was enough for me, I felt a bit of a fraud initially because I wasn't anaemic and had no complications.

But I was v. glad I did it in the end.

The doctor left it up to me to use the sick note or not.

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TheGreatScootini · 17/02/2009 20:43

2 weeks, until I felt physically a bit better.Then I went back and was absolutely rubbish for about 2 months, mentally and hormones.Then I had to have another fortnight off because I was so bloody miserable and couldnt deny it any longer.
I stayed miserable on and off as Joolsiam says..actually until I conceived DD1 but if it hadnt been for that it would've been much longer I think.

My sympathies.Its a horrible thing to have to go through.I still get upset now when I think about it.It hit me like a ton of bricks.
Dont go back to work a minute before you feel totally ready to.

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gigglewitch · 17/02/2009 20:50

thanks, advice is what i need really. I do feel like a fraud having had nearly 2 weeks off and have a week more on the dr's note. But right now I can't even scrape myself up to do the basics, let alone drive and make sensible decisions in work (unfortunately I'm a manager) it doesn't help that the work is physically demanding as well. have already negotiated some desk-duty time when i get back but i still need to have my head properly screwed on.

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Hulababy · 17/02/2009 20:56

1 day.

I should have taken longer. Not too long after that I ended up off work sick and very low.

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TheGreatScootini · 17/02/2009 21:07

I am a manager too.I am responsible for lots of vulnerable people (and was at the time of my mc).But after the mc I wasnt able.I felt very vacant for a long while as well as demotivated.Depressed I suppose.(clinically as opposed to feeling a bit fed up although that was never diagnosed)
Think the desk duty is a start certainly and will help.Can you speak to your line manager and ask about delegating some of your work elsewhere for a while or even for he/she to keep an eye on you and give you a bit more support..you might want to run things by her more for a while to be sure of your decisions.Mt line manager was great like that when I went back to work.I think in my case the mc made me sort of lose confidence in myself and thus my decisions..(had never had anything really horrid happen to me before of this kind of nature and it shook me-I didnt feel like everything was as bright as it seemed before for a long while and I didnt trust myself or how I felt or reacted to things-much of which was the hormones maybe?.That all sounds wanky but is the best way I can describe it)

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twinsetandpearls · 17/02/2009 21:08

You do need to be very kind to yourself, mine was an unplanned pregnancy that I did not even know about. I remember feeling very numb and confused and certainly not in a position to be teaching.

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twinsetandpearls · 17/02/2009 21:09

thanks meg.

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TheGreatScootini · 17/02/2009 21:11

You arent a fraud by the way.Not at all

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twinsetandpearls · 17/02/2009 21:13

I think I had a thread like this after my miscarriage so I totally get why you feel guilty for not being at work but you do need to get yourself physically and mentally right. Take care

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gigglewitch · 17/02/2009 22:13

TGS & twinset - you've made me cry (again) because you truly understand.

TGS you are totally spot-on with the scenario, perhaps even in the same line of work... confidence has gone in the bin - which is quite a new thing. not that I'm mega-confident, cocky or anything, just that I usually have the confidence to trust myself and know my stuff. Exactly the crunch of it, managing a staff team who are working with lots of vulnerable and challenging people. The responsibility has scared me to death, knowing how crap i feel and how little my brain will work.

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twinsetandpearls · 17/02/2009 22:44

You have to be careful, Last year when I was teaching in a very challenging school I had a phone call one night when I was working late in school to say my grandma had fallen and had been rushed into hospital, this was a seven hour drive away. She was unconscious and they were not hopeful, being a complete workaholic I went into work the next day. I then took a call before my teaching day started to ask if I would agree to food and water being withdrawn. I went into shock, gave my consent and went to teach.

Unsurprisingly I could not cope and it ended about ten minutes later when I snapped at a girl and ran out of my teaching room sobbing.

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Italophil · 18/02/2009 12:04

I am very sorry to hear about your loss.

-first time a day after the D&C (which was followed by weekend), back on Monday
-second time (natural) no time off

BUT: this is very individual. in my case it was mainly because work keeps me sane -- it distracts me and gives me a routine. But obviously you need to see how you feel physically, which in my case was not too bad.
And i guess the other point is that even though in my case work helped to distract, you still need time to heal properly, so do ggive yourself the time and other things that you need.

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BecauseImWorthIt · 18/02/2009 12:08

I had about a week off, I think. But it wasn't the emotional/hormonal side of things that kept me off, more the reaction to the GA from the ERPC. I felt seriously weird and even had to call the doctor out at one stage. She came really quickly as she thought I'd developed a serious infection. I hadn't, just my body hates GA so much.

When I did go back to work I think I was fine - although looking back, I was a bit emotional. However, I was having a very horrible time at work as well, and it was a pretty low point of my career, so not sure what was making me feel the worst. And I got pregnant again 3 months later, so was able to focus on something positive.

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ladyhelen2 · 18/02/2009 12:15

GW hope you are beginning to feel better?

Mine were all different.
MC 1 - no time at all. Didn't know was pg and happened very early and felt remarkably together about it.
MC 2, natural at 9 weeks. Sent home on Monday from work, mc Wednesday morning and back the following Monday. ( I only work mon tues and weds
MC3, work told me to have the whole week following the mc off. It was 11 weeks in to the pg and I had an EPRC. I was grateful for that week but felt ready to return and think about something else. Until I discovered that one of the other members of staff was announcing her pg to the world which stung a bit. She was only 6 weeks gone and I felt in the circs she could have held off a bit. I had to return and face her and that was hard. I couldn't look at her for weeks. Until I fell pg again in fact.
Everyone and every mc is different. Sounds like you need to be kind to yourself and not push it. Take care of yourself first. Work can come much lower down in your priorities if you don't feel up to it.

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Forrester · 18/02/2009 13:06

I was off sick with a bad back (made to be off sick, not through choice) when my mc started. I lost the bulk of the mc on the Sunday night. went into work the next day as I had a GP appointment that I didn't want to miss (they work in the same company)and I thought I'd be ok (looked like crap). I blatantly wasn't ok and was signed off for the rest of the week. Felt better by the Thursday and went to a beauty parlour for a stress buster massage and facial (felt like a fraud for doing it when i was 'off sick'. Cried talking to the beautician, but the facial was so lovely as I did literally have face ache. I am glad I had the whole week off, because I was able to face things easier the following week.

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TheFallenMadonna · 18/02/2009 13:10

I worked through mine and it was bloody stupid.

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Daynee · 18/02/2009 13:12

Hi giggle and all ladies here - It makes me feel a little less guilty reading these posts. My 1st mc, I took 3 days (rest of the week), my 2nd mc, 4 days, and this last mc I was on winter break and only took an extra 2 days. I still feel like crap though and most days I just can't wait for the day to be over...I feel like my boss (who is a woman and mother of 5) does understand but sometimes I feel like she doesn't. And then I feel like my coworkers wonder why I've taken so many days - not that I've taken THAT many.
twinset - I'm also a teacher so I totally know what you're saying. I find myself snapping at my kids and I hate that I do that. Normally, I love teaching but lately I just don't love anything. Just so depressed.

On top of teaching, I'm also going to grad school and just totally overwhelmed.

Anyone like to take a vacation to Mexico with me?