Natural Miscarriage Experience

[Likklewicked]

I choose Option 3 and left with no explaination or infomation on what to expect. This is why I'm writing this. The whole subject is dealt with in a terribily victorian manner in which isolated me and my trauma and could have proved dangerous.

I am 27 I was 13weeks pregnant when I started spotting. The scan said the heartbeat had stopped at 11weeks. We were devastated. I hadn't drunk, smoked but had had a stressful time doing my degree work, moving house and blame circled my head. I considered everything but it's not worth it. Even the toxic trains passing the flat, wireless internet and eating stilton soup got blamed. I still never want a baby in London, I'm going to move.

Two nights passed. I took a long walk along the Hackney canal when the twinches really began. I got back and searched the internet for infomation and found nothing to prepare us. I hadn't wanted to tell our friends yet as I was too upset. I then remember my friend had been through a similar thing in November so I phoned her for advise. She dropped everything and came straight over. My partner got tissue and sanitory towels. The contractions had started and became more frequent. They got worse and worse and I tried to aviod the painkillers codydromol as they make me feel weird. The pain got worse and worse. My friend was only 18 and had had a healthy baby and a miscarriage so was full of advise which proved vital. She rubbed my back in a circle between my pelvic bones and hips, it was the only thing that gave my comfort. I took two pain killers but the pain made me throw up everything. From 6pm til 2am the pain worsened. I was dizzy, pale and was folding with pain. I was relieved when the blood past heavier as I thought it was a means to an end. It was nothing like I'd read on the sites or been told by the nurse. I don't know how you could describe clots the sizes of digestives as clots. Excuse me for being so graphic but I which I'd been told so I wouldn't have suffered from such shock. I used a babies bath as I was too dizzy to get to the bathroom. I would stand up and hear a high pitched buzzing sound as I was nearly beginning to faint, I practically crawled to the babybath at times. I must have had over 15-20 visits to the baby bath before it happened, each time there was enough blood and huge clots to half fill an icecream tub. Towards the end I thought it would never end my lips were white and my boyfriend constantly massaged my lower back. As I hovered over the little bath I felt a difference in the passing clots, this is it I thought. I pushed and heard a thud, I looked down and there was my poor baby. At 6.30am He/She was bigger than I expected. My friend told me not to look which I later regretted as I looked later and its baby appearance had been slightly lost with time. I looked that night on my own and could not really see the arms and legs as the sac had deterioated slightly. I could see the eye sockets and basic shape. I've cried myself to sleep everynight since. We had no fridge and the baby was bagged up on top of the kitchen cupboards til yesterday. I finially got my strength up enough and we got picked up my my boyfriends parents who brought a small box. We buried Baby Gallagher-Hughes today in the bluebell woods and the little babies soul is now free. We lit a fire, planted a rose bush and some daisies the babies father and I sung baby songs and said goodbye. I hope my experience helps others know what to expect and stay strong please you are not alone. xx

Although this pregnancy was not planned, we really want to try again as we had built hopes on a sweet little one joining us.

[mrsdisorganised]

Oh Littlewicked what a horrible experience for you to have to go through, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope in time you get back enough courage to try again and that you are supported more....((((hugs))))xx

[scamperT]

littlewicked so sorry to hear about your loss. I had a similar lack of information when I opted for natural miscarriage and ended up calling an ambulance, I think you were extremely brave to go through all of that at home. I hope reading about your experience will help others to be better informed, and if it helps you to continue writing, then come back and let us know how you are doing. Good luck with trying again, I am sure you will hold another little one, this time screaming and bawling with life, in your arms soon, but for now take your time to grieve and be kind to yourself

[EBenes]

I had a similar experience with my second baby. The pain was the worst I've ever experienced: I also had had no warnings, and specifically asked if I would see something like this and was told I wouldn't. No one warned me about the pain - at one point my partner called the emergency services because we thought it was so serious - he said I was absolutely white, and I was fainting and almost blind from the pain. But the worst part was seeing what was clearly a baby. It was so hard, I still think of the little baby I held, that was dead.

You gave your baby a lovely farewell. Do try again if you feel you can, I got pregnant again and now have a beautiful baby girl. I wish you so much luck in conceiving. Please look after yourself and don't try to hurry any part of the process. Let yourself grieve. xxx