The title says it all really.
To put it into context I have 2 kids aged 18 and 5, and have had 3 (no consecutive) miscarriages - in Dec 2001 (7 wks), Sept 2008 (6.5 wks) and now, just this Friday gone, again at 7 wks.
I am literally just 44 and decided to try for a final one in June. I appreciate I have been lucky at my age to not only fall pregnant so quickly at all, but to do so twice ...... however, though I want to keep trying I am well aware this is last chance saloon time and the odds are stacked against me. Ideally I would have liked to try 3 or 3.5 years ago but various family traumas have got in the way.
It probably makes no difference but I like to imagine I look younger than I am, I certainly feel "young" and all those (probably stupid) quizzes about your "real" age put me at 38 or 39. I don't smoke, have a 22 BMI, don't drink etc etc.
(Sorry, I am wittering)
Thing is ...... I now feel completely overwhelmed by the latest m/c. Back in Sept it was upsetting too but I'd kind of justified it to myself as being fated because I'd unknowingly taken antibiotics before I knew I was pregnant, which might have increased the risk of deformities, so that worry was taken away from me. But this time .... I'd felt so much "more" pregnant - with sore, enlarged boobs, constipation, and a definite hard little mound low down on my tummy even though I'd not put on weight.
I started spotting - literally - so called "old" brown blood on Tues evening, and because this only ever seemed to happen when I went to the loo I'd semi convinced myself it was going to be okay (cue lots of internet research where you can always find scope for hope). But then I woke up in the early hours of Fri with pain, and free flowing red blood and I knew it was inevitable. I actually miscarried as I was being examined at hospital (I have to say the (male) gynaecologist was very rspectful of this).
But now I feel so shit. I'm sorry if anyone reading this thinks I am being ridiculously stupid and naiive given my age ..... like, "what does she expect ?" I do also appreciate that people who haven't yet had any children at all might feel I should be grateful for what I have.
I'm not really sure why I'm writing all this .... guess to get it off my chest, and also in the slim hope that there might be another "older" mum out there who's had a similar experience of m/c at a similar age, yet gone on to have a healthy baby.
I feel really angry - though it's no-one's fault. Whatever your age, m/c is like being made a promise, which is then snatched away from you and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.
If there are any older mums out there who'd be kind enough to share any stories of encouragement, I'd be so grateful to hear them.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
2nd miscarriage within 3 months. Am 44 (just) .... please, some words of support, or am I really pushing my luck ?
14 replies
catsmother · 30/11/2008 22:49
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RubyRioja ·
03/12/2008 21:15
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