Feeling totally overwhelmed

[northdownmummy]

I'm having a day where it's just all too much, don't think I've stopped blubbing for more than 20 mins all morning.

I miscarried last week, took myself to A&E on the Sunday evening after the spotting I'd been having since the previous day got heavier. While we were waiting the bleeding got much heavier and I knew for certain what was happening. I won't go into the details but after a lot of waiting around feeling helpless (I'm a bit of a control freak at the best of times) I had an ERPC and was finally discharged after 2 nights I hospital.

I've had lots of ups and downs since then but had been feeling like I was getting myself out of a pit. In fact I'm going back to work tomorrow.

Just found out that my car has a major fault which will be really expensive to fix. We just plain can't afford it. Got married 3 months ago so that took most of our savings, we have committed to a major bathroom renovation which is taking all our emergency funds. Oh and we're due to go on honeymoon next week.

I'm fretting about moneywhether we could manage with just 1 car/ whether this bleeding will have slowed before the honeymoon/why am I still feeling so sick/why I let myself think everything was ok with this baby because we'd got to 10 weeks/ will I get a period while were away/ when to start TTC


I know the hormones are playing a part, but I'm normally such a decisive confident person. I can't get a handle on anything at the moment. I manage a big team at work and know I'll have to be sitting down doing 1-1s with everyone for mid-year appraisals. Will I be able to get through those without falling apart? I don't want to make anyone else feel uncomfortable

for those of you that are a bit further on, please give me some hope. I don't even recognise myself at the moment

[bakingtins]

You don't sound like you ought to be back at work, tbh. Most people would take at least a fortnight, it's not just about physically being better but having at least a modicum of emotional resilience back. I would stay off until your return from your holiday.
Hand over the problem of the car to your DH, he will be grieving too but he's not got hormones crashing round his head or the physical stuff to deal with, let him worry about the car.
You still feel sick because your HCG takes time to drop, cruel but normal. Bleeding is normally 1-2 weeks so you should at least be at the tail end of it when you go away. AF is likely to be 4-6 weeks.

It's normal to be all over the place, it doesn't matter how together you are normally, something like this knocks you sideways. If you try to tough it out you are just going to come a cropper later. Allow yourself some time to grieve, wallow, stay in bed with a novel and a large bar of chocolate and not have anyone place any expectations on you.
When you feel like it, I found it helpful to have something to honour and say goodbye to the baby. Plant a tree, write a poem, light a candle, buy a charity gift, choose some memorial jewellery.....
You will be ok, but it takes time.

[Catlover2014]

Hello,

So sorry to hear everything you've been through and for your loss. I know this is a hard time.

Having a miscarriage is a physical and mental shock and it will take time to feel better. Right now you won't be feeling or thinking the way that you normally would.

Bakingtins is very wise and what she says is right - taking some time out from work for now is a very good idea. I went back to work within a week of my second mc and it was far too soon. I wouldn't do that again!

All I can suggest is that you give yourself time and have plenty rest. Lean on DH and turn to family and and friends for support. The bad days get less and you will smile again.

Hugs to you xxxx

[northdownmummy]

Thanks all, had a good chat with DH tonight and feeling a bit better. Still planning on going into work tomorrow but have given myself permission to come home if it all feels too much. Also planning on working from home on Friday so it really is just the 1 day this week then 3 next.

[northdownmummy]

Survived my first day back. It was nowhere near as difficult as I'd expected, really supportive manager.
It helps that I'm crazy busy and work is one area where I feel I can establish a bit of control and order out of the chaos.