How long did you take off work?

[VegasCupcpake6]

Hi all
I miscarried last week and was off from Tuesday due to bleeding. My MC was only confirmed yesterday after two blood tests and a scan at the hospital. We thought we were almost 9 weeks along but seems that it wasn't as far along as we thought.
I've just been to the doctors and he's signed me off for the week. I don't know if this is the right or wrong thing to do. I'm not bleeding heavily anymore but I just cant face going into work (I work for social services and the thought of dealing with babies that aren't cared for properly is too much for me right now).
My mum says I should go back on thurs or fri to ease myself back in gently but she's never had a MC and I don't think she understands how devastated I am.
How long are you/did you take off work?

[rascalrae]

Hi Vegas, really sorry for your loss. Everyone is different, some people find going back to work a welcome distraction but I think it really depends on what you do. I had 2 weeks off, the first was after hearing the bad news at our scan & although I was physically ok I was very upset & didn't want to leave home in case I started bleeding. The 2nd week I had the ERPC and needed time to recover. I went back to work last week but was really struggling. Very tired, poor concentration, headaches, felt overwhelmed. I'm lucky that I can work from home & I have a very supportive team. I'm just going to take it easy, a day at a time and work back up to full-time hours. It sounds like you're work is much more hands on & very emotive. I would take a bit longer as sick leave if I were you, both to help you & for the sake of your clients. I'm not sure how long it takes to really get over this loss but at some point you'll feel a bit stronger. Would your work be ok with you doing a phased return or focusing on admin tasks rather than visits?

On a final note, mum's can be great but they can also say the worst things, just as other people can but it always seems worse coming from someone you're really close to. My mum compared my recovery from surgery to recovering from labour - er no! Best to speak to people who have been through this, even if only via Mumsnet.

Wishing you all the best x

[linadee26]

Hi again Vegas,
didn't want to read and run.
You need to take whatever time you need. I'm a teacher and this has all just happened to me as we were knocking off for summer. I now have 6 weeks to get myself together and ready to go back to work - where I am working directly with 2 other pregnant women, one of whom I pretty much shared a due date with. Even at that, I can't imagine being ready to go back - if I need more time, I'll be taking it!
There is no right or wrong way to do this and do not let anyone make you feel like you have to go back before you are ready.

You've got your weeks line, try to relax (as best as we can in these circumstances) and if you need another one, get back to your doc!

[bonzo77]

I didn't really take any time off, due to timings over Christmas and new year, and working only very part time. Had I been working I'd definitely have wanted at least 2 weeks from the date of the surgery. Possibly more. I think everyone's different. I can imagine if you love work you might find it a helpful distraction.

[booksshoescats]

Hi Vegas - so sorry for your loss. When my MC was confirmed after a scan a few years ago, the consultant took DH and me into a room for a chat and said two things that turned out to be really true for me. She said take two weeks, you'll think you're OK to work sooner, but you really need that time. She also said that it may well take months before it stops hijacking you. So you'll have some good days, but then you'll find that it comes up and hits you, so be kind to yourself.

As linadee says, there's no right or wrong way, but her words were true for me, so they might help you too.

I hope you're able to take the time you need to help you heal. x

[Mrsm14]

I've been wondering exactly the same. Had a mmc and erpc ten days ago but we were abroad. Got back to UK Tuesday and went to see the gp, who signed me off for all of this week. Husband went back to work today and I half feel like I should just go back too, as I'm physically better. Also maybe it would take my mind off of things. But then I just feel shattered and low and emotional and my husband, family and gp have all said just take the time. It's tough to be home alone with all this sadness but maybe taking time out to try and process it will be good in the long run. I'm going to take it day by day and hopefully we'll know when we're ready x

[Catlover2014]

So very sorry for your loss vegas :(

My advice would be to take as much time as you need off work and don't rush yourself to go back. Especially given your line of work.

Hope you feel a bit better soon. XX

[linadee26]

How are you coping Vegas?

Lina

[ThankYouDebbie]

Last time I ended up having 8 days - the day of finding out itself was a Wednesday and I had a ERPC on the Friday. I was signed off for the whole of the next week which I'd never have thought I needed but I did. I did a bit of work at home towards the end of the week but I was still bursting into tears quite a bit.
When I went back in on the Monday it was fine, my boss was really supportive but I told her I needed the distraction of work and she understood. By that stage I felt I needed to get on with living my life a little - even though I was still very sad.
I'm sorry it happened to you

[InternetFOREVER]

So sorry you're going through this Vegas. I think the work you do really makes a difference to how long you have off - I work in a similar field and felt pressured by reading about how people only had 2/3 days off, so went back too soon. Ended up in floods of tears at work and being signed off for a month. After my following MCs I've had a fortnight and then a gradual return to work, building up my hours over the course of a month or so. I've found this much less overwhelming.

[PurpleWithaMysteryBun]

With my mcs it has always taken about 10 days just to physically recover, have they checked your iron level? Just keep an eye on whether you feel you could be anaemic as this can leave you feeling rubbish longer than you need too.
I had about 2 weeks off work and then enjoyed the distraction of going back. However I am good at compartmentalising and even though I was with babies I children I didn't find it too hard.

If you will struggle though, make sure you take as long as you need, the heartbreak and grief needs to be dealt with on your terms and it may take a while.

Sorry this has happened, I hope your taking care of yourself

[houghtonk76]

Agreed, no right or wrong. Am sorry for your loss. I had a 'delayed' (missed) mc in January at 7 weeks (my first pregnancy). I was off work for 2.5 weeks as took a while to end & at the time I was commuting 4 hours a day to work via London Paddington. Had only been there since late Aug and couldn't bear thought of heavy bleed at work / busy station. Jan was a dark an awful time, but went back to work late Jan after I/view for job nearer home (I applied while pregnant as was worried about carrying on wiv 12 or 13 hours days). Helped to get out again. Now much happier and 5 weeks pregnant. Went to baby show with sister (let on she was 12 weeks pregnant April) & mum in May, not an easy day, but could put it behind me & be happier for her afterwards. Shes now 6 months. FX for you, it will get easier, take all the time you need.