2nd MMC can't cope :(

[jessiepie1]

Hi everyone,

This is my first post after stalking these forums. Have finally plucked up the courage to post myself.

I am having an absolutely awful time. I had a missed miscarriage Feb this year (scan at 10 weeks showed baby stopped developing at 8 weeks, had seen heartbeat at 6 weeks) and I opted for a D&C as I was so shocked at what had happened. Recovery was fine and we decided to try again as we are desperate for a sibling for our 2 year old little girl (we had no issues at all with that pregnancy).

I fell pregnant straight away and we were over the moon but anxious. I went to my GP (was told to go and request early scan due to previous mmc) and was sent for a scan at what I thought would be 8 weeks. Scan showed a gestational sac measuring 4 weeks so we decided my dates may be off and so another scan was arranged for the week after, where the sonographer found a developing embryo with a strong heartbeat measuring 7+1. As you can imagine we were ecstatic! The EPU assured us that there was no reason at all to suspect that there would be a problem, but I was offered a further scan just to confirm dates given the discrepancy with dates. Had this scan exactly a week ago, where an embryo measuring only 6 weeks, and no heartbeat, was found :( I opted to try and miscarry naturally but a week later I am still waiting for something to happen.

I am really struggling to cope emotionally this time. With our first miscarriage I was totally devastated but this time, to have our hopes dashed, then lifted to only be dashed again has absolutely broken me. I am actually a student midwife and I am not sure I can carry on. I feel absolutely heartbroken and I am an emotionally wreck. I feel like I am falling into a depression, and the worst thing of all I am taking it out on my lovely husband and our little girl.

I just feel so despondent and I don't see how I will ever get over this.

Thank you for reading, so sorry it's so rambly.

[bakingtins]

jessie I'm so sorry. I found my second miscarriage terribly hard - you've accepted that the first was your "bad luck" and even though you were anxious must have thought everything would be fine second time. Coupled with the emotional rollercoaster you must feel completely flattened by it.
Can you take a compassionate break from your training? I imagine working with pregnancy ladies and babies is going to be very difficult for you. I'd also look into getting some counselling to help you come to terms with the losses.

[Xcountry]

Jessie I am so sorry to hear this, I cant offer you any words of comfort except that I will be thinking if you. I hope things look up for you and your family in the future xx

[Catlover2014]

Just wanted to say I'm sorry and that I understand how you feel. Losing one is hard enough but losing two is utterly heart breaking I know.

Be kind to yourself and give it time. It's so tough but you won't always feel this way.

Hugs to you xxx

[calistamommy]

I too found my 2nd harder than the first ( it was 16 wks ago yesterday) and I had a real emotional crap day crying etc. I can only imagine how hard it would be to work around all those bumps, I think you're very strong. your hubby & little girl will forgive you. take time to allow yourself to grieve. I briought little crystals for each of my mc to to have something to hold & to represent their exhistance. (( hugs ))