What a waste of time going to the doctor today. I thought I was brave - I explained very coherently thay I'm coping with my grief, DH is brilliant but my fear is that my body isn't working right - that's messing me up now, no period, no BFP and just feeling wretched.
Also that I'm scared that I caused my miscarriage - yes, everyone says its not my fault, but was my body not good enough to sustain my pregnancy? that's the first time I said it out loud - I skirted round the subject with my DH and he went crazy!
dr said that I wouldn't want a baby that wasn't fit enough to not be able to roll with the punches - it should survive anything my body puts it through.
she's bringing me back for blood tests in a fortnight - thyroid and female hormones, she said its unlikely that ovarian cysts I had last year would have anything to do with it, but we'll see in July after blood tests.
she also told me to relax and think positive. yeah - I should have thought of that... then I was dismissed because my 10minutes were up.
I didn't even get to explain that I didn't get followed up by the nurse - the hospital said my GP surgery would send her, they said it was important and they offered TWICE for one to come to my house after ERPC and I accepted both times - but no one ever contacted me.
I'm feeling so let down.
she even asked me if I could be pregnant - maybe that's the reason for my missing AF this month, and the light bleeding in the months before!
again, did she really think I wouldn't check?
oh, and was I surprised I miscarried - did I not know that was a possibility?
I really hope it she was playing some kind of psychology trick on me - trying to redirect my worry and sadness into rage towards her to distract me and help me conceive! if it was, it worked - I'm not thinking about TTC anymore, I'm thinking about how no one actually gives a sh*t about me and my DH except me and my DH - not family, not friends, work - anyone.
sorry for the rant... I'm hating the world today!