Missed Miscarriage

[Suz1234]

I just suffered a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. Until Thursday 29/05 at my 12 week scan - I had never even heard of it.

I have been having symptoms like nausea and tiredness and sore breasts until recently but because i was already quite anxious (1st pregnancy) I have been taking regular home PG tests all of which were + I did not know that the pregnancy hormones will stay in your body even though there is no baby. I actually felt a little different a week ago - my breasts weren't as sore and I felt I had more energy so i did test on Sunday and it showed as + . BF and i talked about it and thought that maybe it was normal as I was moving into the next stage. :-(

By the way I have had NO bleeding at all - not even a spot. which has cruelly been the 1 thing putting my mind at rest i kept telling myself that if there was no bleed then it must all be ok.

The sono-grapher was very kind during the scan but i knew the minute i saw an black empty space that something was not right. She explained to me that my baby had not developed past about 6 weeks - the amniotic sac however continued develop to 8 weeks and I was still showing all the signs of being pregnant.
they give you 2 choices - wait for the miscarriage to happen naturally ( 7 - 14 days) or have it removed my a physician.

I opted to have the physician treatment it is called Surgical Management of miscarriage (SMM) this is where they have to evacuate the womb. It sounded very scary at first and of course i was quite distraught and in shock after seeing that empty black screen in the sonogram room. - however it was well explained by the midwives and I felt that for me personally i would rather have it removed in a controlled environment and know that I would feel a potentially lesser amount of physical pain. I am sure it is painful enough to miscarry unexpectedly but to wait for it - knowing it could happen at any time. No thank you. Plus if you wait for it to happen naturally there is nothing to say that you wouldn't require some removal of left over tissue surgically anyway.
So I had the procedure yesterday, Friday 30th May 2014, they put you under general anesthetic - which for me was horrible enough since I have never been under before - but all went well and the staff at St George's hospital (Tooting) Day surgery unit were so kind and very nice. It was a full on day and very emotional BF was kind enough to sit and wait there for me. The recovery now is the tough bit - like a very heavy period and i was out of it for most last night - see what today brings.

My BF has been amazing and having the idea in our minds for the past 8 weeks that we were going to be parents has made us realise that actually Yeah we do want it and we are ready for it. The loss has made us stronger together.

I know that i have done nothing wrong and that it could not have been prevented at any cost. I also know that many women miscarry and go on to have perfectly healthy future pregnancy - my sister did as have some friends. SO I am realistic about it - albeit very sad and i will never not be sad be about this loss.
It is just a little reminder that nature can be very cruel.

everyone is different and everyone will suffer different physical symptoms of a miscarriage - i hope my experience can help someone who it not quite sure.

I just wish I hadn't ordered that Mama&Papas catalog that was waiting for me on the door mat when i got home for the hosp.

good luck to all mums / dads / partners / friends..... and growing babies

x

[katandkits]

Im so sorry you have had to go through this. My first pregnancy ended that way and it was really tough. As you say, our loss also made our relationship stronger, and confirmed how much we wanted a baby together. In time you will feel less sad about it but of course you never forget. Wishing you a speedy recovery and better luck next time.

[Chottie]

I've been through this too and can well remember the awful shock and disbelief. Be kind to yourself, your BF sounds lovely. It brought DP and me closer together too.

You will feel better in time, but you'll never forget this. It is tough, but life goes on x.

[KildaTiffany]

That you ever so much for posting this Suz. The same thing is happening to me (found out at 12W scan a few days ago that growth stopped at 6W). I'm booked in to have the procedure on Tuesday (though at this hosp they do it under local rather than general anaesthetic) and it's really helpful to have read about your experiences and thoughts as I wait for then. I hope it is happier for you next time, whenever you are ready for that.

[jaffajiffy]

Hello and I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I've had two missed miscarriages, sadly, and I know how you are feeling. What a shock it is when you are still "pregnant" or your body thinks so, at least. It sounds like you have had to learn all about it very quickly and have got to grips. Make sure you use your support networks in RL, and there's also a wealth of support on here. I couldn't have managed without mumsnet. You'll go through a range of ups and downs, so don't feel that you have to be strong or "over it by now". Take it easy, at your own pace, and be kind to yourself. Thinking of you today x

[joosiewoosie]

Such an eloquent post at such a difficult time. Take each day as it comes and try not to have any expectations. You will never forget it but it will be less emotionally raw and less painful in time.
Thinking of you.x

[Rejjie]

So sorry for all your losses ladies and thank you for your post Suz

I miscarried my first child on Tuesday at 10 weeks. It was a 'natural' miscarriage but felt anything but. My husband and I are going through a rollercoaster of emotions. So many little reminders can leave us staring into space trying not to cry. I too had a baby & bump magazine and an ante-natal appointment letter waiting for me when I got back from the hospital. Even at this early stage I'd collected a small amount of stuff in the way of Bounty packs and pregnancy books. My husband kindly wrapped it all up and put it in the loft for the next time, which we hope there'll be. Only people who've been through this can truly understand that it's not just your baby that you've lost, but the hopes and dreams that you had for your future child and your lives as parents.

Keep in touch. x

[wrapsuperstar]

I am very sorry for your loss. I have suffered three miscarriages, one of which was a missed miscarriage and I remember the feelings of shock you describe so well. Thank you for describing your experience so eloquently. When I went through this about 3 years ago, reading other people's stories was vital for helping me get my head around it all.

Like you, the first miscarriage just made us both so sure we wanted a family. The happy ending for us is that after those three frightful miscarriages, we now have a beautiful 2 year old daughter and another little girl due to be born in just over a week. I hope that you will be able to experience this soon -- and do be kind to yourself in the meantime. The miscarriage/pregnancy loss boards here on MN are a wonderful resource.

[cookielove]

I had a mmc last year :( I am fortunately now pregnant, it was very tough getting to the 12 week scan and the night before i was in panic mode!! My mum said I started to relax after we had our 17 week scan (for genetic reasons). I also couldn't look at the baby development in books until after 12 weeks.

I promise you it gets better and you will enjoy your next pregnancy.

[Nishky]

Thinking of you all. I had 3 m/c's 8-10 years ago. I have two children. You never forget those babies, personally I chose jewellery as a permanent reminder.

However the loss becomes less raw as time goes on. Wishing you all well x

[Florencewinifred]

I'm so sorry to hear your ordeal. I posted yesterday on my experience last week of a missed miscarriage and I know what you are going through. I found out 10 days ago at 11 week scan that I had a missed miscarriage. Like you, I had no bleeding whatsoever and no signs. The baby stopped developing at 7 weeks but the sac continued and reached a 13 week size. I opted to wait for a natural miscarriage and nothing happened for 10 days. Finally, my super obstetrician suggested a MVA just under local which meant no theatre, no general and so home after half an hour.

I agonised about it but decided to go for it yesterday (my account is posted about the procedure) It was honestly ok and I far preferable to a surgical erpc and general etc. I am so grateful to my consultant for suggesting it.

I am slightly different to you in that I have 6 children. I previously had a miscarriage in my first pregnancy and then had 6 children with no problems and now a miscarriage again with number 7. You are absolutely right. It has no bearing on your future ability to have a happy and healthy pregnancy. I am testament to that. Any questions please ask. Incidentally, 24 hours later after my MVA I am perfectly back to normal physically and minimal bleeding.

Much love and positive thoughts

[Catlover2014]

Just wanted to thank you for sharing your story and positivity. I am so sorry for all you have been through and for your loss.

I lost two babies this year (both missed mc) so I know how hard it is.

There are so many lovely ladies on here who have been through similar and they will help you to get through it all. It's great to hear you have lots of support at home too.

Stay strong! Xxx

[Skycatkins]

I'm reading this as I too am experiencing a missed miscarriage. I went to the hospital yesterday for our 12 week scan - entered the hospital excited and happy. (First baby). We were told there was no heart beat and baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks and 6 days. To say I am heart broken is an understatement. I'm booked in for the surgical procedure on Thursday. I just hope and pray I come to terms with this and go on to have a successful pregnancy.

[Liney15]

Sorry to read about your mmc as well Suz and Sky.

I had a mmc in 2008 which was horrible - I had medical management which wasn't nice and wish i'd gone for the surgical procedure instead as that would have been easier for me.

I had another natural mc last year which wasn't as bad as the mmc (as it was a bit earlier).

Good luck with getting pregnant again - I do have a daughter conceived between mc and you are likely to have no issues getting pregnant again.

[Skycatkins]

Thank you Liney. Let me know how you are getting on now Suz nearly a month on; would be good to know it gets easier (if it gets easier). X

[Suz1234]

Thanks to all you lovely ladies who have posted with your condolences and thoughts - it is so nice to see such support out there as well as at home.

Sky it is a bit easier now yes. I am not going to say its all ok because it wasn't. I bled for a long time after the surgery and although i didn't actually need to go back to Hospital I was on edge and anxious for about 2 weeks and in pain, just constantly aware of it.... it did get better and eventually the bleeding stopped. Everyone is different so I think my body just doesn't heal very quickly.....

Emotionally I was up and down for a while i suppose while my hormones were adjusting too it was just hard.

Did I mention the spots.... seriously I haven't had spots or mood swings quite like it since i was a teenager. Poor BF didn't quite what to do - but we have definitely come out stronger the other side.

Started my 1st period yesterday since the MC and we are going to start trying to get pregnant again - some might think it is too soon but it works for us and that is what we want, It is better to keep moving forwards. I will never forget what we've been through and it is important to talk about it not only with BF but with family and friends. some people are prudish / squeamish and don't want to hear about it but then i've also come across some who have been through it (unbeknownst to me) and there is an instant connection - it's quite lovely when that happens.

best wishes

xx