I've found this board so helpful in recent days - thank you to all for the comfort and support. I shd be 11 weeks pregnant on Monday but started bleeding slightly on Weds, a scan on Thursday showed no heartbeat and everything much smaller than it should be for my dates and have since started bleeding in earnest. Im oscillating between knowing i'll get through this horrible time and hopefully conceive again, and that im lucky to have my DP who has been great and gorgeous DD nearly 2 who cheers me up no end. And complete despair and desperation. It was such a shock and I was so looking forward to this pgy and a sister or brother for DD in Jan/Feb.
I'm wondering if anyone can help me with two things in particular:
- I know everyone says it is nothing either of you did. But I can't help feeling that i was dashing around like a madwoman in the first 12 weeks. I just assumed the pgy would be trouble free like my first and did my normal thing of working a lot (work FT and was finishing off one job before starting a new one), dashing home for lots of childcare as we were between nannies, carrying my lovely daughter q a lot as she if she didnt want to walk (no idea how much she weighs now but she is big like her 6'3'' dad and im a small 5'4''), breast feeding her several times a day / before and after work - hadnt yet decided whether/when to give up before no 2 arrived and love the attachment. Plus whilst i was overjoyed to be pregnant i didn't slow down to really connect with the baby and was worrying (completely stupidly as in the scheme of things it doesnt matter at all) about what it meant for job moves.
I need honest advice and views please on whether it is important to to slow down in order to protect a pregnancy, particularly if you are a bit older (im 40). Now of course Im thinking about the more old fashioned advice our mums had and thinking that must be there for a reason for that and wishing i had heeded it and rested rather than doing my normal thing. When i write it all down it looks stupid to lead the first 12 weeks of a pregnancy you are desperate for in this way. I was just so sure it would be fine and so relieved to have conceived whilst still BF. Also, unhelpfully, cross with DP for not helping me with this as when i would say i was tired and needed more help he would say how knackered he was(!) and i kept having to tell him that the first 12 weeks of pgy are particularly tiring and more so than a normal man day...
- I've read lots of threads about how it is fine to try for no 2 after your first period (or before bar the ambiguity on dating). But is there anything in the theory that your nutritional status gets depleted by having started a pregnancy. And to have the v best chance of a healthy pregnancy you shd rebuild your health and nutritional status, ideally over a couple of months? I think this is what groups like Foresight recommend? Also read somewhere that WHO recommend (??) waiting 6 months but may be imagining that. I wouldnt wait this long given my age. But Im wondering why they say this if they do. Does anyone know about this side of things pls?
Thank you. Thoughts and hugs to anyone going through this painful time.