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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Caught out by colleague news

10 replies

TeaAndANatter · 18/07/2013 20:43

Got caught out without my guard up when a colleague that I really don't know much bounded up with 'some great news'. Burst into floods of tears. So angry, and I know it's not her fault, but just full of anger and sadness and tears (all over again). It doesn't help that she's the same number of weeks as I would have been. Feeling very, very sad all over again.

How do I get through the next few months watching her being increasingly pregnant, when I'm not? Any advice or words of support very much welcomed.

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mousebacon · 18/07/2013 22:10

Oh love, it's so awful, I know. There's no easy answer I'm afraid. Hopefully you'll be pg again soon and you'll have your own bump to focus on xxx

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zen1980 · 18/07/2013 22:26

Aw tea I really know how you feel. We decided to tfmr in April an managed to hold our gorgeous boy while still breathing for a short while, at 24wks. At work there is a girl 2 weeks behind me an I am finding it terrible, tomorrow should have been my last day before maternity leave an it is killing me. All I am trying to focus on is I will have new things soon enough. I hope you can to xx

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TeaAndANatter · 21/07/2013 09:53

Thanks both, and so sorry for your own loss Zen. I can't think how hard that must be for you. Sending my own love and hugs to you x

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phantomhairpuller · 21/07/2013 09:59

This happened to me a few years ago. A very good friend and I found ourselves pregnant at the same time. Mine resulted in mc at 11 weeks. I watched her daughter grow up and always found myself wondering 'what if?'

A couple of years later I had ds1 and 10 weeks ago had ds2.

Things will work out for you on time and you'll find things a lot more bearable

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phantomhairpuller · 21/07/2013 10:00

*in time.

Fat fingers

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Daisybell1 · 22/07/2013 09:24

Massive hugs to you. Please don't feel angry with yourself for your reaction, she caught you off guard.

It is tough, I won't lie. Due dates are hard and I'm wondering if I'll ever escape mc 2 as it was due now (royal baby time). But I'm learning its ok to feel sad, angry, anxious, hide people on Facebook and do whatever you need to to cope. In my more facetious moments I find a bucket of wine and a spa session help.

But it does get easier over time I promise, and you get better at protecting yourself.

Take care.

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icklemssunshine1 · 22/07/2013 09:46

It's hard but you'll get through it. The day after my ERPC I found out a friend & colleague was expecting twins 10 days after my EDD. I have watched her bump grow month by month thinking that should have been me. We're both teachers & she went in mat leave Fri (last day of term) & that was a hard day especially as in the end of term assembly she was called up & given flowers & presents from the staff & pupils. I was looking forward to going back in Sept & seeing no bumps but learnt in last day if another colleague that's pregnant - that's 8 pg announcements since my MC. DH says pg women were always around us but seriously - 9?! You'll have good days & bad days. Just make sure you have people to talk to. I pretended to be strong & didn't ask for help. 6 months on I'm now struggling & can't really ask for help as too much time has passed & the MC has been "forgotten".

Big hugs.

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Bakingtins · 22/07/2013 13:42

ickle you can ask for help whenever you need it. There was someone on here recently who was struggling with some emotions brought up by a miscarriage more than a decade ago. You haven't forgotten. It's not weakness to need some help to come to terms with this.

Tea it's very hard. After first MC I had a good friend who was a few weeks behind me. It helped that she had prev MC so was sensitive to how I felt, but I do still get a pang looking at her daughter. You were caught off guard, it will be easier to keep your composure when it's not so unexpected.

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Daisybell1 · 22/07/2013 21:49

Ickle - I agree, you can't plan when you'll need help. Please still ask - I went through my GP and am having counselling through my local NHS.

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TeaAndANatter · 24/07/2013 20:01

Thanks everyone. I posted on another thread just now that the royal baby name hasn't helped - we had named ours 'George' as we'd wanted either a 'George' or a 'Georgina', and it helped to name him or her in our heads. We put a forget me not in the MC Association meadow last month, and it's now extra sore that the royal sproglet is called George. I shall have to take comfort in knowing that our George would be cooler than their George, as in, my dad's bigger than your dad - just being childishly spiteful for fun now ;-)