Baby's died at 7 weeks, should I try again?

[MyPeanut]

I'm 42 and found out yesterday that at 9 weeks pregnant my baby died at 7 weeks. I'm having another scan next week but it's more to reassure me not because they hold out any hope

I already have 2 wonderful girls from my first marriage (12 & 9), but my husband doesn't have any children. We'd really like one together.

I had a mc 2 years ago where the baby had again died at 7 weeks but didn't lose it until 15 weeks. I then had another mc at 16 weeks 6 months later. He was a little boy called Peanut.

After fertility tablets, we managed to get pregnant this year and now I'm losing it. We're both devastated and can't believe it could happen 3 times to us

We now don't know whether to try again. The chances of another mc are getting higher the older I get and I don't know if we could cope again after what's happening to us now

Does anyone have any advice?

Thanks

[TeaAndANatter]

I don't have any advice, but wanted to say how very sorry I am for your losses. This must be so hard for you right now, and I hope that you are surrounded by love and support over the coming weeks and months.

I'm very new to this site, but logged on a few days ago when we lost our baby (at 6 weeks), and the women who post here have so much collective wisdom that reading here is helping me through. I spent some time reading the back posts from this thread, and found lots to help me, so I hope that you do too. I'm sure someone will post some good advice here too soon.

I read a post where someone had said that this experience had shown her a fuller colour and complexity of life - not quite those words, but that's the recollection that stuck for me. Loss like this is not an experience that we would ever choose (I also read a post where someone referred to this as 'the thread that no-one wants to join'), but I'm trying hard at the moment to hang on to this as part of life's tapestry. Awful, shitty, on-my-knees painful tapestry, but part of something that will become part of our family story in some way. I'm sure we'll find a way to do that one day.

So sorry again for your loss.
x

[Bakingtins]

Hi MyP I think I'm a member of the thread you referred to. I've just had 4 th miscarriage and am 38. I have 2 children. So far at this stage (1 week postMC) I have said that's it, then a little way down the line I have picked myself up and been prepared to try again. After MC 3 I had the standard tests, but for me, as for 50% of women after 3MC, no reason was found. It may give you a way forward to consider asking for testing. I felt that I'd regret giving up without investigating the possibility that there was something treatable. If I was diagnosed with a problem meaning we had a very low chance of success that would make the decision to stop straightforward. The grey area in between is more difficult. This time we're having genetic testing of the embryo and seeing another specialist, then we have the possibility of more nonNHS testing for immunological issues.
It's an awful situation to be in. We've had a miserable couple of years TTCing and MCing and it's spoiling our enjoyment of the family we have been blessed with, but the desire to enlarge our family doesn't go away.
Even as an >40 recurrent MCer you have about a 50% chance of success next time, but I know stats aren't helpful, you want a crystal ball to know what will happen to you personally.
You are v welcome on the RMC thread, everyone is wrestling with these issues and there are some success stories to give you hope. I am v sorry you find yourself in this situation, I think nobody can quite believe it can be happening to them again and again. The other members of the club nobody wants to join have kept me sane during a horrible time.

[Tomkat79]

Hi mypeanut

So sorry you find yourself here. Really is pants when it happens once so my heart goes out to you on your third loss.

No real advice, just lots of love at this crap time xx

[cosmickitten]

Mypeanut I have no words of wisdom to offer. But I am so so sorry that this is happening to you and your husband. I can't imagine the pain of losing 3 babies, life can be so very cruel.