Hi,
I hope this doesn't offend and I wonder if any of you ladies might be able to provide me with a little bit of advice regarding the best way forward in the situation described. If I'm deliberately vague about certain things its because I'm hoping not to 'out' myself. I'm sorry it's LONG.
Basically my poor brother and sister in law have experienced 5 miscarriages over the past two years. My sister in law is, understandably, struggling to cope. Extremely unfortunately my DC1 was born around the time of the first of these and my DC2 was conceived at the same time as the pregnancy the she lost in her third miscarriage.
She is very very angry with me; in particularly she feels aggrieved that we didn't talk to her before trying for DC2. The rights and wrongs of this are not really worth getting into, but we're very sad that she feels this way. She refused to see me during the pregnancy and has been unable to hold / even look at our DC2. We are all hoping that she has her longed for child soon and we can all start to repair our relationship.
I'm trying to be as neutral as possible here, but various interventions on her part basically made me a blubbering wreck during my pregnancy with DC2. We've never 'tackled' these as we feel the only way to do so would be to explain that she would understand our behaviour better when she had her own child, which clearly comes across as unnecessarily cruel given the circumstances.
The situation currently is that she has just had the last of this series of miscarriages. She has now told me that she can't see my DC2 or me at social events but that my DC1 and husband are welcome to come along. I would understand this if it was entirely down to her feelings about my son being the same age as her baby would, but she is instead making very hurtful comments. My son has been quite poorly since birth. One piece of advice we were once given was to maybe switch him to a special formula (I breastfeed exclusively, he's 5mo). Our consultant disagreed with this and told me to keep feeding him if I can. My SIL has got it into her head that I was told to give up bfeeding and am ignoring advice. She has said she can't see me because she longs for a child and I'm deliberately harming mine with my obstinancy, so don't deserve him.
We have repeatedly explained to her husband (who has been passing this on) that she has not been at the 20 or so consultants appointments and misunderstands the facts provided, but she continues on this pathway. I am feeling very hurt, but am trying not to make this all about me.
I was thinking of trying to do something like handmake some chocolates and deliver them (she's on sick leave) just to get across that the door is still open. I'm finding it so hard to know what to do, and not to react to her comments.
Any helpful advice on how to move forward would be appreciated.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Some advice, please
7 replies
pamplem0usse · 03/03/2013 08:26
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