Is it normal to feel this way?

[pumpkinsweetie]

I had a positive poas on wednesday 13th feb, my last AF started 10th January.
I had got pregnant on the pill & my pregnancy was very unsuspected. Non the less i started to get quite excited about the prospect of becoming a mummy again.
On Saturday i started spotting, i put it down to implantation bleeding. Even upon phoning the Epu they more or less said they thought that what it was and told me they cannot scan me as to early & to wait until Tue take another poas, if it's still positive to come in.
The bleeding got worse, rather like a menstrual period, but cramps much worse and i've lost small clots aswell. I just no in my heart i've had a miscarriage, they cannot be all this blood and still a baby there

I feel really sad & down, my dh has been taking care of the dc and helping me out, but i feel no-one understands how i feel. I feel like a fraud as my baby would have only have been 5wks and i know others go through much worse.
I just can't shake off how sad i feel, how ever early along i was, i feel as though i have lost a baby & i just want to grieve but feel as though i can't allow myself as others may potray it as silly iyswim.
Been resting & pretending to myself on Tue everything will be fine and baby will still be in there, but in reality i know all this bleeding can never mean anything positive

My nipples are still tingling like i'm still pregnant & feel so angry at this as mother nature is fooling me into a false sense of security.
Couldn't stop crying when i went to bed last night and i'm sick of the sight of blood everytime i go to the toilet.

I want to know how long the blood will last, but i know thats an uncertainty no-one can answer and i know my dh will not agree ttc again as this was an accident & we already have 4dc and financial problems.

Everywhere i look, on fb, tv people have scan pics, new babies, even my Sky box started pre-recording obem last night-deleted it can't face watching it and i even recieved my free book from mn this morning which a story about a midwife!

I know my baby wasn't meant to be, but i can't help feeling upset about what wasn't. My due date would have been 17-10-13, 3 days before my late brothers birthday, when that day comes, i will still remember my little one that isn't here.

Sorry so long, just need to get my emotions out and see if it's all normal x

[smile4me]

Hi pumpkin, just wanted to give you a hug and say yes your feelings are normal, you have still lost a baby, even if it was very early. I know how you feel about seeing babies everywhere too, it took me 2yrs to conceive DD and it seemed like everyone else in the world was pregnant or had a new baby! I can't offer much advice other than to grieve for what you have lost but then go and hug your other DCs. I'd love to have 4 but suspect we might be lucky to get 2! When you are feeling a bit more up to it, have a chat to DH if you still think another baby is a good idea, you might be surprised that a BFPs changed his thoughts too. Good luck and thinking of you OP.

[pumpkinsweetie]

Thankyou Smile x